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Clips from 30 Rock - ¡Qué Sorpresa! (S05E05)

"drinking and looking out the window."
30 Rock
"Okay, Jack."
30 Rock
"You're putting it on the line. What have you got?"
30 Rock
"of the television experience that's not perfect?"
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"To me, it's the remote control."
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"Grr, couch cushions!"
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"What if you didn't need a remote control"
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"because your remote control was your own voice?"
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"Television on!"
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"Word from my C.I. Is he got offed by..."
30 Rock
"Voice Activation, or Vo-Act..."
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"My friends at the DEA say these guys have a high volume of cocaine..."
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"- ... coming in from the docks. - Low volume! Low volume!"
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"But first I want to go home and delete everything that's on my D VR."
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"Jack, that doesn't seem to work."
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"You got any other notions, or should we jump to employee ideas?"
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"No, no."
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"you had a black bar at the bottom of the screen"
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"that prevented you from seeing anything dirty?"
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"I like that. I like that a lot."
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"like soccer or a woman stuffing a turkey!"
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"That's a real family-company kind of idea, Jack."
30 Rock
"And we could sell ads in the black bar, increase our revenue streams!"
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"You could call it "BlaBar.""
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"I don't need to hear anything else."
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"If that's the kind of ideas you're bringing..."
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"nine, ten..."
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"However, I presented it as my own idea."
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"Wonderful! Next topic!"
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"You have me over a barrel. What are you going to do?"
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"Not what my uncle does when he gets a hitchhiker over a barrel,"
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"I'll tell you that!"
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"You didn't steal anything from me, sir."
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"Last time I checked, best friends can't steal from each other."
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"Now, stop being a Silly Simon!"
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"You're the one being a Silly Simon!"
30 Rock
"so I thought I'd just ambush you with some pregnancy questions."
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"I hope you're not unprepared."
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"- Where was the baby conceived? - In my vagina."
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"- What names are you considering? - Rufus T. Barleysheath."
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"- How are you feeling? - A little achy and nauseous,"
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"but I'm hanging in there."
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"- Are you pregnant? - No... way that I'm not."
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"Owen. Screw."
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"Or you're doing it for her old-man husband. He's your boss!"
30 Rock
"First of all, Jack means nothing to me."
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"Shoot him in the throat and let the dogs eat him, I don't care."
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"What? What's wrong with you?"
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"Almost everything, but let's get back to the interview."
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"We're done with that portion."
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"Let's take some pictures."
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"...an innovation that is both family- and bottom-line friendly."
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"Gentlemen, I give you BlaBar."
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"It's filthy."
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"Jack! Jack! Jack! Jack!"
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"Jack! Jack! Jack!"
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"One time, I saw a turtle..."
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"Who the hell do you think you are?"
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"Bosses steal, and employees use it for leverage."
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"So, what do you want? Money? A promotion?"
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"I can get you into a restaurant where you watch a child play with a bunny,"
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"then you eat the bunny!"
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"I'm just happy to spend all day here helping my work family."
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"Family! I now work for a man who thinks like you!"
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"I need this, Kenneth. I used you, now leverage it."
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"Blackmail me. Demand to sleep with Avery."
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"No, sir! Best friends don't..."
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"I am ordering you to strike me. There will be no retaliation."
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"But if you refuse, you're fired."
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"Release me, you hillbilly Circe!"
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"I am life!"
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"Revel in the glory of motherhood!"
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"Gaia flows through me!"
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"Rufus T. Barleysheath is kicking!"
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"I know you're not pregnant! Why don't you just admit it?"
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"Look how my belly glistens!"
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"I was just about to hop on my bus back to Philadelphia."
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"I don't fly, but I've got my own bus with a pool table in it."
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"We'll drive to Branson together sometime,"
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"take in a Yakov Smirnoff show."
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"This is Kenneth Parcell, one of our pages."
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"Well, I didn't notice you there, son."
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"Kenneth is the one who came up with the BlaBar idea, not me."
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"I'm sorry I misled you."
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"Oh."
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"Here is my letter of resignation."
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"It's probably for the best, since this is obviously not a good fit."
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"If you call security to escort me out,"
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"Hold on, Jack. No one's quitting."
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"You have a reputation, Jack, as a shark."
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"KableTown... we're not sharks. We're more like..."
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"The point is,"
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"But you doing something like this tells me we're gonna be just fine."
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"Very well. Good."
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"And Jack should give you something for that idea, son."
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"Finally, thank you!"
30 Rock
"No?"
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"How about a hug?"
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"You got that right, son!"
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"One Mississippi..."
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"But, Carmen, you have an exciting new assignment, right?"
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"Yes. I will be covering hurricanes."
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"Thank you, Lemon. I owe you."
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"If you want to make it up to me,"
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"I have my eye on a toilet pillow from a certain medical-supply store."
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"after you."
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"Oh, Jack, that's so gayballs."
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"Do you need some liniment rubbed on your perineum?"
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"No, guys, I'm not really pregnant."
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"I was just pretending, to help Jack."
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"Why would you pretend to help Jack? Help him for real."
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"It takes the same amount of time!"
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"No, Tracy, she lied to us."
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"And she ordered us around like we were a couple of normals!"
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"Or we could call it even."
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"I have been punished. These are yours to keep."
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"What? Who's the black guy?"
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"A bicycle messenger."
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"What if we executed someone live on TV?"
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"...and then I pull off my mask,"
30 Rock
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