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Clips from The Simpsons - Stealing First Base (S21E21)

"I... I'd like that."
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"And... finished."
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"I hope Harvard never finds out about this."
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"Can I teeter while you totter?"
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"Ever since you got that bad grade, you seem a lot cooler."
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"- You can replace the tree. - Eat lunch with me."
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"- Share my locker. - Come to my birthday party."
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"Love me."
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"Wow. This is kind of great."
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"Lisa, can I speak to you for a moment?"
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"Looks like I'm in more trouble."
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"Born to be bad."
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"There was a mix-up with your test."
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"You got an A-triple-plus. Seems the F belonged to Ralph."
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"I cheated wrong."
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"I copied the Lisa name and used the Ralph answers."
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"I'm just advanced."
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"Dad, I know we don't normally talk about this stuff,"
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"but there's this girl at school I kind of like."
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"Anyway, I'm really hoping you could..."
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"- Dad? - Hey, boy."
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"Your mother thinks I'm working on the car."
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"Dad, that is genius, but I need some advice."
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"Homer? I thought you were fixing my brakes."
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"Talk to grampa. He used to be a man."
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"He did?"
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"Give up the goods, you yellow devil!"
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"but I'm not sure if she likes me back."
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"There's one sure way to find out"
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"if a girl likes you... steal a kiss."
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"Really? Did that ever work for you?"
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"Sure did."
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"I remember it like it was yesterday."
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"She boards, too?!"
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"So..."
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"What should we do now?"
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"Kiss her, ya idjit!"
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"Bart Simpson kissed me."
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"Oh, my god, and that was my first kiss."
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"It will always be my first kiss."
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"Ew."
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"Haw-haw."
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"That was great!"
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"Really great!"
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"Marge, Homer, this is Brody and Madison McKenna."
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"Bart has been sharing a desk with their daughter, Nikki."
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"Earlier today, your son engaged in inappropriate"
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"mouth-on-mouth contact with our daughter."
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"You mean, he kissed her?"
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"On the top of the slide."
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"Oh, I could kiss you."
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"Mr. Simpson, I'm an attorney,"
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"and neither of us is happy."
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"Well, maybe you guys should look for easier jobs."
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"Unless you make this an affection-free environment,"
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"All right, here it is."
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"And we will make you regret the day your son was born."
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"You're halfway home, lady."
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"It's not my fault. Grampa told me to kiss her."
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"Why didn't you just tell him to club her on the head"
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"and drag her into a cave?"
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"You mean second base?"
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"He's a little young for that."
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"If I talk to Nikki, I'm sure I can..."
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"No! If you go near her one more time,"
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"we'll be sued into the poor house and have to eat garbage forever."
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"That's no problem. Mom can make garbage taste great."
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"Thank you."
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"Well, I mean it."
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"- And it means the world to me. - Well, don't worry, boy."
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"I know a wholesome way to take your mind off girls."
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"If only real life was in 3-D."
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"And the glasses smell like the last guy who wore them had pizza."
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"DEATH OUT OF BALANCE"
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""Dear fellow organic gardening enthusiasts,"
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"I'm afraid I am too sad"
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"of how difficult it is to be smart and accepted."
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"With mulch love... Lisa Simpson.""
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"Somebody posted a comment?"
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""Don't stop achieving just yet, Lisa."
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"You are not alone. Flotus1.""
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"- Flotus1? Who could that be? - Attention, all students."
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"Please report to an attorney mandated school assembly."
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"To make time for this,"
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"the third grade's performance of my fair lady is cancelled."
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"Very rum, indeed."
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"By now you've probably heard"
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"that one of our fourth graders did something"
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"that a hundred years ago"
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"would've been considered innocent, but in today's"
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"overly-litigious society"
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"has been blown completely out of proportion."
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"Now, what he said was..."
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"I can hear."
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"The following skit, or sketch,"
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"demonstrates the behavior"
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"And... Action!"
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"Oh, I'm just a wee little lass,"
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"combin' me beautiful hair."
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"I'm Bart Simpson, disruptive fourth-grader."
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"That's not Bart. It's principal Skinner."
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"Bart's sitting right next to you."
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"Yeah, now that I look closer,"
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"that guy couldn't fool anybody."
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"Shut up, fatso."
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"Why you little..."
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"Now, players, recreate the incident in question."
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"Ick. Ugh."
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"Stop that laughter!"
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"I can make these two kiss all day, if I have to."
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"If you want them to keep on kissing,"
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"just keep laughing."
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"Maybe I did do something wrong."
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"Oh, Bart, I hate to see you like this."
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"Look who's all confused."
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"- What the hell are you doing? - I'm kissing you, stupid."
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"- You want to stop? - Absolutely not."
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"I flew in from turkmenistan"
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"because there's a wonderful young person here"
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"who's feeling a little discouraged."
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