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Clips from The Simpsons - Dead Putting Society (S02E02)

"Dad, I've never won anything in my life."
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"This is the only time I will ever say this. It is not okay to lose."
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"Stay, stay. Good dog."
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"Keep your head down. Not you, I'm talking to the boy."
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"Keep your head down. Follow through."
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"Hey! That putter is to you what a bat is to a baseball player..."
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"...what a violin is to the guy-- The violin guy."
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"-Now give your putter a name. -What?"
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"-Give it a name. -Mr. Putter."
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"Wanna try a little harder?"
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"-Give it a girl's name. -Mom."
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"It's Charlene."
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"-Why? -It just is, that's why."
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"This is a picture of your enemy, Todd Flanders."
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"Every day spend 15 minutes staring at it..."
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"...concentrating on how much you hate him..."
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"...and how glorious it will be when you and Charlene destroy him."
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"-Who? -I'll show you who she is."
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"Hi, Bart."
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"-I overheard you warping Bart's mind. -And?"
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"Aren't you making too big a deal of this tournament?"
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"But this is our chance to show up the Flanderses."
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"Sure, but why do we want that?"
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"Sometimes the only way to feel good is to make someone feel bad..."
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"...and I'm tired of making people feel good."
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"Hi. What are you doing?"
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"Who are those guys in chess that don't matter?"
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"A blockaded bishop is of little value, but I think you mean a pawn."
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"Right. I am a pawn."
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"It's times like this that I'm thankful..."
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"Bart, I think I can help you."
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"We begin at the library."
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"-Hi, Lisa. -Hi, Mrs. Norton."
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"-Hi, Lisa. -Hey, Ralph."
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"-Hi, Lisa. -Hey, gang."
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"Bart, this is the card catalog. Let's see. "Golf.""
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""Anecdotes, "Eisenhower and, " "Humor, "Japanese Obsession With"...."
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"Here it is: Putting."
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"And the most important book of all, the Tao Te Ching by Lao-tzu."
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"-We can't afford all this. -We're just borrowing them."
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"Oh. Gotcha."
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"-Close the logical part of your mind. -Okay."
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"-Become like uncarved stone. -Done."
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"-You're pretending to understand me. -True."
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"-It's very frustrating. -I'll bet."
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"I have a riddle for you. What's the sound of one hand clapping?"
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"Piece of cake."
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"It's a 3000-year-old riddle with no answer."
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"It's supposed to clear your mind."
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"No answer? Lisa, listen up."
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"Try another one. If a tree falls and no one's around, does it make a sound?"
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"Absolutely."
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"But, Bart, how can sound exist if there's no one there to hear it?"
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"It is time."
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"The basis of this game is simple geometry. Just hit the ball here."
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"You've actually found a practical use for geometry!"
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"What is this?"
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"-Get down before the neighbors see-- -Simpson!"
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"I don't care how this looks. He's gonna mop up with your son's butt."
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"May the best man win."
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""May the best man win." The loser's mating call."
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"Just a minute. My son has a very good chance."
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"-Yeah? Wanna bet? -I'm not a betting man."
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"-I'm a chicken, am I? -Right."
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"How's this? A batch of your wife's delicious blueberry muffins..."
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"...against one of my wife's homemade wind chimes."
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"-Are you afraid to make a real bet? -No, I just--"
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"-Simpson, you're starting to annoy me. -How about this, Henny Penny?"
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"If Bart wins tomorrow, you have to mow my lawn."
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"And if Todd wins, you have to mow my lawn! And do a decent job for once."
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"Better yet, you have to mow my lawn in your wife's Sunday dress!"
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"You have yourself a bet, you jackaninny!"
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"-Read that back to me. -"The father of the loser--""
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""Loser" is such a harsh word. How about "the boy who doesn't win"?"
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""The father of the boy who doesn't win has to mow the lawn..."
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"...in his wife's Sunday dress.""
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"You both have to sign? I hope blood isn't necessary."
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"I'm game if you are, Flanders."
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"Good gravy, what did I do?"
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"Straighten your arm. Rotate your shoulders."
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"Dad!"
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"Son, all I'm asking is that you try."
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"I'll try."
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"Anybody can try. I want you to win!"
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"Homer?"
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"Marge, give me your honest opinion. This, or this?"
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"Morning! By the way, the tournament is today. And you'd better win."
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"-Dad! -See you downstairs, boy."
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"-That crazy Marmaduke. -Eight hole?"
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"-Octopus, third tentacle. -Twelfth?"
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"-Off the grave. -Nirvana?"
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"Bliss from oblivion of self."
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"Here you go. A lumberjack's meal for my golfer."
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"Mom, Bart is on a diet of complex carbohydrates."
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"-Steak will make him logy. -What won't make him logy?"
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"-Oatmeal. -Oatmeal?"
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"A racehorse eats oats before he or she wins the Kentucky Derby."
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"News flash, Lisa. Bart is not a horse. Eat your steak, boy."
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"Good afternoon. Welcome to the finale..."
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"The cream has risen, the wheat has bid farewell..."
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"...and we begin the final match with two warriors:"
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"The unknown Bart Simpson and Todd Flanders..."
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"...one of the most skilled 10-year-olds to ever play."
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"Having never received encouragement, I'm not sure how it should sound."
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"-But here goes. I believe in you. -Thanks, man."
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"-Lord, we beseech thee-- -It's no use praying."
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"I already prayed, and we can't both win."
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"Simpson, we were praying that no one gets hurt."
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"Flanders, it doesn't matter. Tomorrow you'll be in high heels."
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"-No, you will. -Afraid not."
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"Afraid so, infinity plus one."
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"Young Flanders has the honor and will tee off first."
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"It's got a chance. Yes, sir."
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"Tree falling in the woods. Tree falling in the woods. Tree falling...."
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"And the battle is well and truly joined."
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"Mercy's for the weak, Todd."
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"If one looked up "courage", one might find a photo of these two gladiators."
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"The victor shall drink champagne while his opponent tastes bitter defeat."
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"It's okay, son. You can recover."
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"Remember what Vince Lombardi said! "Lose, and you're out of the family.""
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