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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - Ring Up! (S08E08)

"just slathered in Bengay."
How I Met Your Mother
"- But I bet you do. - Mm-hmm."
How I Met Your Mother
"She doesn't have daddy issues. She has granddaddy issues. I'm ending it."
How I Met Your Mother
"Ted, I beg of you. Don't quit on a body that won't quit."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Did you steal my dream journal? - No!"
How I Met Your Mother
"and you're naked in front of Shaker Heights High School in a play you never rehearsed for."
How I Met Your Mother
"Bastard!"
How I Met Your Mother
"We don't connect on a single thing. It's over."
How I Met Your Mother
"- [Beeps] - It's not... G..."
How I Met Your Mother
"I just... I don't see a future here."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, my God. Are you dying?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Wait. Is that R2-D2?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Do you like Star Wars?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- So? - Yeah."
How I Met Your Mother
"It's almost like we were hooking up with her together. You felt that, right?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- I couldn't have performed if I did. - Don't you see, Ted?"
How I Met Your Mother
"We had a bronnection."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Clicks Tongue] All right, I gotta know what she looks like. Show me a picture."
How I Met Your Mother
"Well, normally, I'm above such things, but it's been a while, and, uh, Teddy's braggin'."
How I Met Your Mother
"- [Chuckles] - Uh, here she is."
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay. Scrolling up."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Oh, yeah, those are "plow me" heels. Nice. - Mm-hmm."
How I Met Your Mother
"The knee bruise is encouraging."
How I Met Your Mother
"Working our way up to those 20-year-old tatas."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh. Gravity's cruel grasp hasn't found you yet, my sweet perky miracles."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Mmm. - Hey."
How I Met Your Mother
"Her face says, "Ready to bone." Am I right?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I say again, am I right?"
How I Met Your Mother
"That's my half sister."
How I Met Your Mother
"Then you probably shouldn't scroll to the next picture."
How I Met Your Mother
"- That's my sister, Ted. - Well, look, I didn't know!"
How I Met Your Mother
"None of us even knew you had a sister until two years ago, including you."
How I Met Your Mother
"Thi-This is just some crazy coincidence."
How I Met Your Mother
"There are four million women in the city of New York, Ted..."
How I Met Your Mother
"and you sleep with my sister?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I don't know. It's not like you've ever treated women in such a way..."
How I Met Your Mother
"that would invite some sort of karmic retribution."
How I Met Your Mother
"- My sweet, little, innocent... - Pierced."
How I Met Your Mother
"Really? Where? Don't answer that!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Now I know why I felt everything you did to her last night."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, my God. Ted, did you..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Wait. No! No! Retraction five!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Hey, hey, you're the one who begged for a proxy bang."
How I Met Your Mother
"And while we're on the subject of family, I'm pretty sure you banged my mom. Mom beats sister."
How I Met Your Mother
"I never banged your mom. [Clicks Tongue]"
How I Met Your Mother
"You... You just did the winking thing again!"
How I Met Your Mother
"No, I didn't. [Clicks Tongue]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Were you, uh, feeling a little sore this morning?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Especially... [Whispering, Indistinct]"
How I Met Your Mother
"[Gasps] Friendship over!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, yeah."
How I Met Your Mother
"Who's your "guitar-player-biker who couldn't find mild salsa..."
How I Met Your Mother
"that said 'Screw it' and went medium" bad boy?"
How I Met Your Mother
"but this is how Uncle Marshall likes to tell the story."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, yeah, no. That's the cuff."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm woozy, and I can't flex my fingers."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Sniffs] And the rotten-fish smell is getting stronger."
How I Met Your Mother
"But I'm learning to compensate with my left."
How I Met Your Mother
"Is that why last night, when I asked you to honka-honka me..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Snap's been jealous of Crackle all day."
How I Met Your Mother
"Just take the cuff off."
How I Met Your Mother
"Marshall, you don't need a cuff for me to find you sexy."
How I Met Your Mother
"Are you too woozy to do it one last time before we seek emergency medical attention?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Only one way to find out."
How I Met Your Mother
"You think? I can't believe you're allowed to ship a dead possum."
How I Met Your Mother
"Are you sure he's not just playing dead?"
How I Met Your Mother
"He smells like Marshall's hand."
How I Met Your Mother
"And wait... You-You forgive me?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Absolutely. Hey, I got a couple cee-gars. Get over here!"
How I Met Your Mother
"All right, so where are those cee-gars?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- We'll break 'em out in a minute. - [Knocking]"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Ted? - Barney, what is your sister doing here?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Nothing, bro. Or should I say "bro-in-law"?"
How I Met Your Mother
"♪ ♪ ["Wedding March"]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Congratulations! You're marrying my sister!"
How I Met Your Mother
"And you spared no expense, ya big crazy."
How I Met Your Mother
"You know what? I love Barney, but this ring thing sucks."
How I Met Your Mother
"Some gross guy just brushed up against my rack and then apologized."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, sweetie, I know it's nice to be groped by strangers..."
How I Met Your Mother
"but nothing beats the rush you get when that one special person looks at you."
How I Met Your Mother
"It's true."
How I Met Your Mother
"And I see her brighter and more clearly..."
How I Met Your Mother
"than anything else in this world."
How I Met Your Mother
"You know what that is?"
How I Met Your Mother
"That's love."
How I Met Your Mother
"And possibly alcohol mixed..."
How I Met Your Mother
"with some very powerful antibiotics."
How I Met Your Mother
"And that's how Barney sees you."
How I Met Your Mother
"And I know that's how you see Barney."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Clears Throat] I'd like to start the service..."
How I Met Your Mother
"with a passage from Ted's dream journal."
How I Met Your Mother
""Drowning. Gasping for air. No escape.""
How I Met Your Mother
"- Wait. Is that about Vietnam? - It's about Whole Foods."
How I Met Your Mother
"And those aisles are too narrow."
How I Met Your Mother
"But you two have to get married."
How I Met Your Mother
"Otherwise it's just a cheap, meaningless, disgusting one-night stand."
How I Met Your Mother
"Wait. Just to be clear..."
How I Met Your Mother
"you're saying you're opposed..."
How I Met Your Mother
"to cheap, meaningless, disgusting one-night stands?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Yes! - Barney, don't you see?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Your detox is done! You're over one-night stands!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Yeah. So if you think about it, but not too much..."
How I Met Your Mother
"it's actually good that Carly and I hooked up."
How I Met Your Mother
"I mean, this guy goes at it like he's still in his 50s."
How I Met Your Mother
"All right, don't try to make this okay. You still slept with my sister."
How I Met Your Mother
"Promise me you will never, ever do that again."
How I Met Your Mother
"I promise. [Clicks Tongue]"
How I Met Your Mother
"- You just winked. - No, I didn't. [Clicks Tongue]"
How I Met Your Mother
"- You did it again! - No, I didn't!"
How I Met Your Mother
"- You swear, right? - Yeah, of course."
How I Met Your Mother
"- [Clicks Tongue] - [Barney Stomps Foot]"
How I Met Your Mother
"[Ted Narrating] That night, even though she still couldn't get a beer..."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Man] ♪ So you got the morning I got midnight ♪"
How I Met Your Mother
"♪ You are patient I'm always on time ♪"
How I Met Your Mother
"- ♪ Oh, what would I do without you? ♪ - Hey, Robin?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Did you ever figure out how you're gonna get a drink at the bar now that you're engaged?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Oh, sure. I know a way that's gonna last forever. - ♪♪ [Continues]"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Scotch on the rocks? - Coming right up."
How I Met Your Mother
"♪ What would I do without you? ♪"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Now, before you say anything about the hat... - ♪♪ [Continues, Instrumental]"
How I Met Your Mother
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