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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - Ring Up! (S08E08)

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, that'll go great with my cucumber-jalapeño egg cream."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Chug it! Come on. Come on. We gotta get going. - Right, okay."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Ted Narrating] Then, later, at a club in Chinatown..."
How I Met Your Mother
"God, I just love those tiny gray hairs in your eyebrows."
How I Met Your Mother
"- [All Groaning] - All right, to be fair..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Turns out when you projectile vomit on skates, you roll right into the spray."
How I Met Your Mother
"How old does she think you are?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Charlie was everywhere. - [Helicopter Whirring]"
How I Met Your Mother
"- [All Groaning Loudly] - She's hot. She likes old guys. Don't judge me!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Anyway, when we got out on the dance floor, thi... I swear."
How I Met Your Mother
"[All Groaning]"
How I Met Your Mother
"I wanna thank you for your service to this nation, Private."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Colonel. - [Lily] Oh."
How I Met Your Mother
"that's... [Sputters] Embarrassing."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh."
How I Met Your Mother
"Ew. Marshall, take that off."
How I Met Your Mother
"- What? I think it looks kind of cool. - Cool?"
How I Met Your Mother
"You look like one of those jerks who's in some lame band..."
How I Met Your Mother
"and rides a motorcycle without a helmet..."
How I Met Your Mother
"and has a wallet chain and neck tattoos and a drug problem."
How I Met Your Mother
"Not a... a big one, just, uh, enough that he deals a little bit on the side."
How I Met Your Mother
"And he can never, ever be true to one woman."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Finish that damn pickle and do me! - [Moaning]"
How I Met Your Mother
"[Sighs] Okay, you guys know how my mornings usually go."
How I Met Your Mother
"♪ ♪ [Orchestra: Light Theme]"
How I Met Your Mother
"- After you. - Oh. Thank you."
How I Met Your Mother
"- On the house, Robin! - [Bell Chimes]"
How I Met Your Mother
"♪ Take this bagel on the house ♪"
How I Met Your Mother
"♪ Have a paper on the house ♪"
How I Met Your Mother
"♪ I'd give you a house "on the house" if I could ♪"
How I Met Your Mother
"♪ Everything in life should be free ♪"
How I Met Your Mother
"♪ It's so wonderful to be me ♪ ♪"
How I Met Your Mother
"Wow. Do little bluebirds help you get dressed in the morning too?"
How I Met Your Mother
"♪ She's exaggerating ♪"
How I Met Your Mother
"♪ To make a point ♪ ♪"
How I Met Your Mother
"- But today was different. - ♪♪ [Theme Plays, Stops]"
How I Met Your Mother
"- That will be 3.75. - But I didn't have to pay yesterday."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Okay, 7.50. - [Sighs]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, honey, sweetie, baby."
How I Met Your Mother
"It's the ring, Robin. The ring has power."
How I Met Your Mother
"When a woman puts on an engagement ring..."
How I Met Your Mother
"it's like when Bilbo Baggins wears the one ring in The Hobbit."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Okay. Can you say that again, but not in nerd? - Sure."
How I Met Your Mother
"Uh, the ring is like the cloak that Harry Potter wears to sneak around Hogwarts."
How I Met Your Mother
"- I don't speak virgin either. - The ring! It makes you invisible."
How I Met Your Mother
"♪ ♪ [Ominous Theme]"
How I Met Your Mother
"[Voice Whispering] You're not precious."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Hinges Squeaking]"
How I Met Your Mother
"[Gasps, Shouts]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, good. You're awake."
How I Met Your Mother
"Look, Ted, there's something we have to talk about."
How I Met Your Mother
"Boundaries? Invasion of privacy? Losing your key privileges?"
How I Met Your Mother
"It's about the 20-year-old, Ted."
How I Met Your Mother
"You have to bang her. For me."
How I Met Your Mother
"Why do you want me to hook up with this 20-year-old? I thought I disgusted you."
How I Met Your Mother
"Yeah, that was all an act."
How I Met Your Mother
"Look, look, look. I love Robin."
How I Met Your Mother
"And she's the only girl I wanna be with..."
How I Met Your Mother
"but my body is detoxing after years of one-night stands."
How I Met Your Mother
"They don't make gum or a patch for this, Ted."
How I Met Your Mother
"But, hey, billion-dollar idea alert. [Mutters]"
How I Met Your Mother
"That's okay. I'll just buy a new dream journal."
How I Met Your Mother
"Damn it. No! Those are all worthless."
How I Met Your Mother
"I need some one-night stand material, Ted."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, oh, here's your mom. Hello, Virginia."
How I Met Your Mother
"Um, my mother's not one-night stand material."
How I Met Your Mother
"Yeah, you're right. It wasn't night, and we weren't standing. Hey-oh."
How I Met Your Mother
"- That didn't happen. - You're right. It didn't. [Clicks Tongue]"
How I Met Your Mother
"- You just did it again! - Look, bottom line."
How I Met Your Mother
"Be my stand-in and put your gland in."
How I Met Your Mother
"Hey, wow. That'd be good on a hat."
How I Met Your Mother
"Barney, she's just using me for my gracefully aging body."
How I Met Your Mother
"You're picking now to get some self-respect?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- You once banged a blind girl by pretending to be Sean Connery. - That was you!"
How I Met Your Mother
"[Imitating Connery] Yeah, that conquest was most enjoyable."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm sorry. To-To hook up with a girl, I have to connect with her at least a little."
How I Met Your Mother
"Then find a connection. Just go simple."
How I Met Your Mother
"Nothing about weird poets or buildings..."
How I Met Your Mother
"or any of those stupid articles you've ever e-mailed me..."
How I Met Your Mother
"with the subject line "Food for Thought.""
How I Met Your Mother
"Please, Ted. I need this."
How I Met Your Mother
"Fine. You win. I'll bang a hot 20-year-old."
How I Met Your Mother
"But I'm not gonna enjoy... Oh, who am I kidding? It's gonna be awesome."
How I Met Your Mother
"Now turn off the lights and go."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Grunts] Not all the way!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Hello. Yeah, three..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Now it's as rude and expensive as San Francisco."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, tell her, baby. Make it hurt."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'll be at the booth."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Whispering] They won't be."
How I Met Your Mother
"- What is going on with you guys? - It's the cuff."
How I Met Your Mother
"It turns out that picturing me as a loser musician with a Vicodin addiction..."
How I Met Your Mother
"and a beat-up van I use to steal copper wire really turns Lily's crank."
How I Met Your Mother
"Who knew?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Oh, it's an a-allergic reaction. - So take it off."
How I Met Your Mother
"to the possibility of sex is worth a few pus-filled blisters."
How I Met Your Mother
"Better the sores weep than I."
How I Met Your Mother
"I was just getting used to the idea of having to pay for coffee and bagels and rent."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Rent? - But not being able to get a beer? Unacceptable."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Sighs] Excuse me."
How I Met Your Mother
"♪ ♪ [Ominous Theme]"
How I Met Your Mother
"- [Bell Reverberating] - ♪♪ [Light Theme]"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Oh. Hmm. - ♪♪ [Light Theme Continues]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Three beers, please."
How I Met Your Mother
"- [Bell Reverberates] - ♪♪ [Ominous Theme]"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Oh, yeah, baby. - Mm-hmm."
How I Met Your Mother
"- because we're low. - Oh. Mmm."
How I Met Your Mother
"♪ ♪ [Ominous Theme]"
How I Met Your Mother
"[Robin] Well, you're right. I'm invisible."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Lily Moans]"
How I Met Your Mother
"[Gulping]"
How I Met Your Mother
"was her fiancé."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Shivering] Ted, I'm desperate."
How I Met Your Mother
"Earlier today, I saw that wrist cuff, and I got a partial for Marshall."
How I Met Your Mother
"Did you bang that girl yet?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Don't get your hopes or anything else up."
How I Met Your Mother
"but everything just comes back to her weird fetish about how old I am."
How I Met Your Mother
"Well, just go simple. Does she like TV?"
How I Met Your Mother
"But I'll watch 60 Minutes with you as loud and as long as you want."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Sports? - No."
How I Met Your Mother
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