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Clips from Friends - The One with Ross's Inappropriate Song (S09E09)

"I'm sorry. We'll take you shopping. It'll be fine."
Friends
"With the father, you wanna flirt a little, but not in a gross way."
Friends
"- You went out with Wallace Pinzer? - Oh, he took the SATs for me."
Friends
"- I knew you didn't get a 1400! - Yeah, well, duh! I mean..."
Friends
"Oh! Well, with the mother..."
Friends
"...just constantly tell her how amazing her son is."
Friends
"Take it from me. Moms love me. Ross' mom one time actually said..."
Friends
"- She said what? - She's like the daughter she never had."
Friends
"I just got Phoebe all dressed to meet Mike's parents."
Friends
"She's so nervous. It's so sweet."
Friends
"...because I was giving a makeover to that stupid hippie?"
Friends
"Yeah, and it was, uh, like, uh, a real little person laugh too."
Friends
"- What did you do to make her laugh? - I, um..."
Friends
"Well, I sang. Actually..."
Friends
"...I rapped, um, heh..."
Friends
"..."Baby Got Back.""
Friends
"You what?"
Friends
"...with women with giant asses?"
Friends
"...it actually promotes a healthy, uh, body image..."
Friends
"...because even big butts..."
Friends
"Oh, hi, come on in. I'm Catherine, the listing agent."
Friends
"Medical malpractice? Choked on his own mustache?"
Friends
"That's enough out of you."
Friends
"Uh, is there anything we should know about the place?"
Friends
"All the appliances are included. There's a lot of light, a new kitchen."
Friends
"I think you guys would be very happy here."
Friends
"- Ha. No, no, no. - Ha-ha-ha."
Friends
"No, we're not together. We're definitely not a couple."
Friends
"We are not gonna have this conversation again."
Friends
"- You don't think he's here, do you? - I don't know."
Friends
"Well, let me see."
Friends
"Look at these videos. I mean, who does he think he is?"
Friends
"Magnum Force, Dirty Harry, Cool Hand Luke."
Friends
"There's a tape here with Monica's name on it."
Friends
"Ooh. A tape with a girl's name on it. It's probably a sex tape."
Friends
"Wait a minute."
Friends
"This says "Monica.""
Friends
"And this is Richard's apartment."
Friends
"I'm wearing pantyhose."
Friends
"Oh. Thank you."
Friends
"Oh. Heh."
Friends
"- Oh, my God. You're rich. - No, my parents are rich."
Friends
"So? They gotta die someday. Hello!"
Friends
"Phoebe, these are my parents, Theodore and Bitsy."
Friends
"Holy crap!"
Friends
"Try and stop me."
Friends
"Hey. What are you doing?"
Friends
"Getting your parents to like me."
Friends
"I'm sure they will, but you don't have to do this."
Friends
"I want them to get to know Phoebe, not:"
Friends
""Phoebe.""
Friends
"- It's hard to stop. - Mm."
Friends
"Well, come on."
Friends
"Phoebe, come sit. Tell us a little bit about yourself."
Friends
"Mm-hm."
Friends
"Well, all right. Um, originally, I'm from upstate..."
Friends
"...but, um, then my mom killed herself, and my stepdad went to prison."
Friends
"So I moved to the city..."
Friends
"...where, um, I lived in a burned-out Buick LeSabre for a while."
Friends
"Which was okay. That was okay."
Friends
"Until, um, I got hepatitis, you know..."
Friends
"...because this pimp spit in my mouth and..."
Friends
"And, um, anyway, now I'm a, um, freelance massage therapist..."
Friends
"...um, which isn't always steady money, but at least I don't pay taxes."
Friends
"So where does everyone summer?"
Friends
"- Oh, God, this is not going well. - No, you're doing fine. Really."
Friends
"Though maybe just a little less "pimp spit.""
Friends
"Okay."
Friends
"So, Theodore, I, uh, can see where Mike gets his good looks from."
Friends
"- You must work out all the time. - Oh, not all the time. I do the best I can."
Friends
"- Yeah, I bet. Look out! - Oh! Ow."
Friends
"- Oh, my God. Are you okay? - Unh! I recently had surgery."
Friends
"- I'm so sorry. - No, I'll be fine."
Friends
"- I just should check the stitches. - I really am sorry."
Friends
"How could you know? Why wouldn't you punch me in the stomach?"
Friends
"But, I mean, you have met humans before, right?"
Friends
"Why don't you go talk to my mom?"
Friends
"Oh, Bitsy? Um, uh, listen, I wanted to thank you again..."
Friends
"Well, not at all."
Friends
"Especially to you, because he's very respectful of women."
Friends
"You know, I think you'd also like to know that he is a very gentle lover."
Friends
"No, don't get me wrong. No, not in like a sissy way."
Friends
"...he can rattle a headboard like a sailor on leave."
Friends
"That's... my boy."
Friends
"I'm not gonna watch it. I don't need to watch it."
Friends
"I mean, what good could possibly come from watching it?"
Friends
"- Hey, dude, what's up? - Don't judge me! I'm only human!"
Friends
"Did you take that tape?"
Friends
"I don't know. Who am I married to?"
Friends
"She hot?"
Friends
"All right, I'm gonna watch it."
Friends
"I mean, it's probably not even what I think it is."
Friends
"Even if it is, it can't possibly be as bad as what I'm picturing in my head."
Friends
"Ha, ha. Can it?"
Friends
"See, in my experience, if a girl says yes to being taped..."
Friends
"- Then you have to watch it for me. - Whoa! What?"
Friends
"All right, fine. But if I enjoy this, you have only yourself to blame!"
Friends
"- It's just football? - You were all worried for nothing."
Friends
"This is great! This is the first time I've ever enjoyed football!"
Friends
"- What are you doing? - You don't wanna see what I just saw!"
Friends
"Okay, uh, please laugh for Mommy. Please?"
Friends
"Well, so is it..."
Friends
"Or maybe just, you know, rap in general. Because Mommy can rap."
Friends
"And I'm here to say"
Friends
"Oh, I can't rap."
Friends
"All right, sweetheart. This is only because I love you so much."
Friends
"And I know that you're not gonna tell anybody."
Friends
"I like"
Friends
"I like big butts and I cannot lie"
Friends
"Oh, Emma, you're laughing! Oh, you are!"
Friends
"You really do like big butts, don't you?"
Friends
"- Oh, it was amazing. - Oh."
Friends
"It was amazing. It was the most beautiful, beautiful sound."
Friends
"Oh, I know, isn't it?"
Friends
"Oh, what did you do to get her to laugh?"
Friends
"Oh, you know, I just... A couple of things I tried. Different..."
Friends
"Just sang a little "The ltsy-Bitsy Spider.""
Friends
"You sang "Baby Got Back," didn't you?"
Friends
"Smelly cat, smelly cat"
Friends
"It's not your fault"
Friends
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