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Clips from M*A*S*H - The Moose (S01E01)

"and on the way back to her family by tomorrow morning—— dismissed."
M*A*S*H
"— Dismissed. — What are you guys doin‘—— buckin‘ to be chaplains?"
M*A*S*H
"— Stand at attention, soldier. — I‘ve been in the army a long time,"
M*A*S*H
"and no meat cutter with a temporary commission is gonna work me over."
M*A*S*H
"So you canjust stop trying to push me around."
M*A*S*H
"— Uh, right. — And smart too."
M*A*S*H
"Here, sit down."
M*A*S*H
"Uh, yeah. We‘ve always wanted a moose ofour own."
M*A*S*H
"I know, but you got to swing with the times. You paid 500 for her, right?"
M*A*S*H
"— Right. —We‘|l giveyou six."
M*A*S*H
"— ForYoung Hi? You‘re out ofyour mind. — Here, have a martini."
M*A*S*H
"Aw, thanks. I taught that kid laundry, cooking, sewing."
M*A*S*H
"I can get double that for her in Seoul, but I ain‘t interested."
M*A*S*H
"— Time‘s a—wastin‘. — Stick around. We‘ll buy you another couple ofdrinks."
M*A*S*H
"Naw. I‘ll take a rain check. See ya, gentlemen."
M*A*S*H
"Can you believe that creep?"
M*A*S*H
"Aw, he‘s your basic moose owner."
M*A*S*H
"Think itwould look too suspicious if he got run over by ajeep in the shower?"
M*A*S*H
"I could always say I took a wrong turn."
M*A*S*H
"—I don‘t believe we can beat thisjoker. —Then what the hell are we doing here?"
M*A*S*H
"Why do we spend 18 hours a day in that lousy operating room putting people back together?"
M*A*S*H
"Doesn‘t that have any meaning?"
M*A*S*H
"What‘s the purpose ofthat—— practice?"
M*A*S*H
"We gotta get that kid away from him."
M*A*S*H
"Operate on him."
M*A*S*H
"Right."
M*A*S*H
"Ten bucks."
M*A*S*H
"Your ten——| bump 50."
M*A*S*H
"— Tharpurs me away. — Yeah, me too."
M*A*S*H
"He‘s got a pair of kings..."
M*A*S*H
"and garbage."
M*A*S*H
"Anytime, Doc."
M*A*S*H
"I call to raise."
M*A*S*H
"[Bil/5 Rust/mg]"
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll take two."
M*A*S*H
"He kept the kings and the ace kicker."
M*A*S*H
"He‘s got aces and kings."
M*A*S*H
"I bet a hundred."
M*A*S*H
"[Imitating Humphrey Bogart] And another hundred, sweetheart."
M*A*S*H
"You‘re bluffin‘."
M*A*S*H
"[Bil/5 Rust/mg]"
M*A*S*H
"I call."
M*A*S*H
"No good. Three deuces."
M*A*S*H
"You bet 150 bucks on three lousy deuces?"
M*A*S*H
"I‘m putting my sister through barber college. Any questions?"
M*A*S*H
"Dea/er takes one."
M*A*S*H
"Shuffiing. Shuffiing."
M*A*S*H
"The card he bought is——"
M*A*S*H
"What‘s your rush? You got another war to go to?"
M*A*S*H
"I‘m still blocked."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, boy, am | blocked."
M*A*S*H
"— Bet or check, Doc? — I‘m thinking."
M*A*S*H
"The card he bought is a... six ofclubs."
M*A*S*H
"No fiush, but a baby straight."
M*A*S*H
"Okay, uh, pardner, how much money you got there in front ofyou?"
M*A*S*H
"About 750 bucks."
M*A*S*H
"Then that‘s the bet."
M*A*S*H
"— |f| call, it cleans me. — It‘s only money."
M*A*S*H
"A teensy—weensy fiush."
M*A*S*H
"You got over a thousand bucks of my dough."
M*A*S*H
"I‘m good forit. I‘ll payit."
M*A*S*H
"— The understanding before we started was a cash game. — You took my |.O.U."
M*A*S*H
"Get your |.O.U. back and a thousand ofthe moneyyou lost?"
M*A*S*H
"Who do I have to kill?"
M*A*S*H
"Roger wilco, Hawkeye slob—san."
M*A*S*H
"— Boy, once she learns something—— —We|l, this is it, Young Hi."
M*A*S*H
"— You‘re a good kid, and ifyou ever need a reference, I‘ll—— — Okay. Fine, Baker."
M*A*S*H
"Now, listen. You understand? You don‘t belong to Baker anymore."
M*A*S*H
"Roger wilco. I belong to you."
M*A*S*H
"No, no, no. Now you can go back to your family."
M*A*S*H
"I paid the money. There‘s no dishonor."
M*A*S*H
"Go? I be good moose for Hawkeye slob—san."
M*A*S*H
"Make shave foryou, shine shoes, laundry, cooking on stove."
M*A*S*H
"— You see. You be very satisfied. — No, wait a minute——"
M*A*S*H
"| get my gear, start work. You see. Everything be okay."
M*A*S*H
"You be happy like hell."
M*A*S*H
"” Dear Dad——| know you always wished I had a sister.”"
M*A*S*H
"Hey, there‘s Captain Pierce..."
M*A*S*H
"well—known surgeon and moose owner."
M*A*S*H
"Really? He‘s the man who coined the phrase, ” No moose is good moose.”"
M*A*S*H
"Drop dead, singly and/or collectively."
M*A*S*H
"Told you he‘s one of the great phrasemakers."
M*A*S*H
"Holy cow!"
M*A*S*H
"We must he in the wrong tent. Ha wkeye, come in here!"
M*A*S*H
"Yeah, get your butt in here."
M*A*S*H
"— Yes? — Somebody sneaked in here..."
M*A*S*H
"and committed a neatness."
M*A*S*H
"— Young Hi — Can you believe it? The clothes are hung up."
M*A*S*H
"— The garbage is offthe floor. The place is clean! — It‘s sickening."
M*A*S*H
"All right. Calm down. I‘m as offended as you are by this repulsive tidiness."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s all arranged."
M*A*S*H
"There‘s a truck leaving this afternoon for Seoul, and I guarantee she‘ll be on it."
M*A*S*H
"— Now are you satisfied? — Okay."
M*A*S*H
"But as soon as she‘s gone, we dirty up thejoint and get back to normal."
M*A*S*H
"Please, no stay here with you?"
M*A*S*H
"I told you, you got a right to a life ofyour own. You‘re gonna have it."
M*A*S*H
"— But| make you happy. — No. So long, Young Hi."
M*A*S*H
"— Okay, driver, take off. — Please, I stay! I be good worker!"
M*A*S*H
"— Young Hi, wait a—— Wait a second. — Please, I want to stay!"
M*A*S*H
"— Good luck. — No, I don‘t want to go!"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, Hawkeye. Oh."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, your kisses are driving me crazy."
M*A*S*H
"And I‘m only using one lip."
M*A*S*H
"[Gasps] Oh!"
M*A*S*H
"— One question. — What?"
M*A*S*H
"Why are we sitting in the middle ofa mine field?"
M*A*S*H
"Everyjeep in town was sold out."
M*A*S*H
"[Giggling]"
M*A*S*H
"You‘re biting my throat."
M*A*S*H
"Sorry. I got carried away and started a tracheotomy."
M*A*S*H
"— [ Groans] Ow. —Oh, what is it?"
M*A*S*H
"—| bityour dog tag. — [ Laughing]"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, Hawkeye, why do | go out with you?"
M*A*S*H
"‘Causel got class. I‘m a high roller."
M*A*S*H
"Shut up."
M*A*S*H
"Hey, Hawk!"
M*A*S*H
"— Who is it? — Trapper, our friendly neighborhood Peeping Tom."
M*A*S*H
"— Turn offthose lights. — We got trouble."
M*A*S*H
"The moose is back in town."
M*A*S*H
"[Trapper] Ho—jon says she left the truck when they stopped for gas."
M*A*S*H
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