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Clips from The Office - Manager and Salesman (S06E06)

"I'm having contractions, but they're irregular and far apart."
The Office
"So I'm not really in labor, I'm near labor."
The Office
"Yeah. We're slow-playing it because of our stupid HMO."
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"PAM: If we check in after midnight,"
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"I get an extra day to recuperate surrounded by doctors."
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"JIM: Not to mention the extra night's sleep"
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"because once we bring the baby home,"
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"if it's crying all night, one of us is gonna have to take care of it,"
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"Oh."
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"MICHAEL: Contraptions! She's contrapting! Okay, you know what?"
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"I think that I should drive you guys to the hospital, and here is why."
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"Michael. I gassed up the car."
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"Happy to do it."
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"You know the baby's not gonna live here, right?"
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"so might as well live here a little bit, too."
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"Burning Man, Porta Potty."
The Office
"Okay, okay, we're not going to the hospital."
The Office
"Ooh! Spooky. But why?"
The Office
"Because the insurance company only covers two nights."
The Office
"Well, you don't want to wait too long, Pam."
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"(CHUCKLES)"
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"Nerd."
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"KELLY: Did you know that labor can last weeks?"
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"Then they take your insides out and they just plop them on a table,"
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"Bear my child."
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"I want to have a child for business reasons"
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"If you agree, say nothing."
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"If you disagree, say anything."
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"Very well. Let's meet at 4:00 p.m."
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"In our old meeting spot and bang it out."
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"(EXHALES)"
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"Hold on. Hold on. This is happening."
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"Are you serious? Pam."
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"No, the doctor said every five to seven minutes."
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"I'm gonna be okay. We should really try to make it to midnight."
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"Pam, please."
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"Yeah, no, you really should,"
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"as Buttmud Brooks, my old roommate."
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"Okay, but we are leaving at five minutes apart."
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"Five minutes apart."
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"So the plan was seven minutes, but we're calling an audible,"
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"because that's her call, 'cause she's the quarterback."
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"Okay, Crazy."
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"than worry about you. Like sell printers."
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"Well, now until Friday, 20% off all toner cartridges, that's a big deal."
The Office
"and just do a quick check? (CLICKS TONGUE)"
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"Don't get too hung up on baby names."
The Office
"I was named Walter Junior after my father,"
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"I thought you said your younger brother was named Walter Junior."
The Office
"so they gave it to him. I was given Andrew,"
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"which they got out of a baby-name book."
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"You can't tell us what to do"
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"because you are not co-manager anymore."
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"ANDY: Yes!"
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"from being able to listen to her body's signals."
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"Actually, the distractions are good."
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"if I'm just sitting here thinking about it."
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"Distractions are good!"
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"That means conference room, five minutes. No, no, five seconds!"
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"Topic, potpourri. Let's go!"
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"When I was a kid, my mom received compliments"
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"on how I was always able to distract others in class."
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"Try to think, "What were the first 13 colonies?""
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"Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm."
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"The purpose for this meeting"
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"Can we do sleight-of-hand tricks?"
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"I'm gonna go look at the Internet."
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"(PAM GROANS) (JIM EXCLAIMS)"
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"PAM: (GROANS) Okay."
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"Sorry, guys. Just keep talking."
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"Okay."
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"Oh, God, Pam. You are a woman warrior."
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"Oh. Thanks, Kelly."
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"Does anybody have anything? Anything interesting, any hobbies?"
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"Uh, special skills?"
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"Yes, this is the only time"
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"I'm ever going to make this request. Yeah, Phyl."
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"Yeah. I can put on lipstick the way Molly Ringwald does"
The Office
"in The Breakfast Club."
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"You're clapping. I need complete silence."
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"The Evolution of Dance dance."
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""You let me in your bed But now I sleep alone"
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""Trapped with the forgotten In my detritus home""
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"Good afternoon."
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"Have a seat."
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"Of course."
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"Now then, let's get to it, shall we?"
The Office
"for exactly six months,"
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"then weaned onto a nutrient-rich, winter vegetable mash"
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"(GROANING)"
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"Where are we? We have every six minutes, ladies and gentlemen."
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"Another 75 contractions and you are going to be there."
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"For the love of God, Pam, do it for ultra feast."
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"He'll probably know..."
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"Let's have happy times. All right."
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"Jim, as a matter of fact,"
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"I've printed out 10 ways to induce labor,"
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"and we can slow down your labor."
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"Erin, read the first one."
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"Okay, nobody touch Pam's nipples."
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"Think of Pam's nipples as Toby's grundle."
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"Her shirt is touching them. Maybe we should cut holes in her shirt."
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"I have a shirt like that in my car."
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"Okay, uh, the second one is "walk around.""
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"Perfect. Okay, number three, eat spicy foods."
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"Come on. Let's go to the hospital. PAM: Jim. Jim."
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"Pam, let's go to the hospital now. Sweetie, I love you,"
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"but you're really distracting me from my distractions. Mmm-hmm."
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"Why don't you go do some work?"
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"Great. I will do that."
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"Sorry, Pam, I just feel a little bit frazzled, and you know"
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"No, I don't. PAM: Okay."
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"(EXCLAIMS)"
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"Getting a little frazzled."
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"and obviously she's gone crazy,"
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"But I'm not crazy. She's crazy. I'm not crazy. She's crazy."
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""Five to seven minutes.""
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""Six minutes." Different, but not really."
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""Five to seven minutes.""
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"Worf."
The Office
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