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Clips from Mike & Molly - First Kiss (S01E01)

"- Have you lost weight? - I have, and thank you for noticing."
Mike & Molly
"Regardless, I feel better, got more energy. I don't know if you're aware of this..."
Mike & Molly
"The stomach understood. The ears weren't ready to listen."
Mike & Molly
"Good choice. And for you, big and bountiful?"
Mike & Molly
"...and one silver dollar pancake with a teaspoon of syrup."
Mike & Molly
"- Why? - Even if she's got nothing going on..."
Mike & Molly
"What? It's just a second date."
Mike & Molly
"- It does not. - Not to mention a sight to behold..."
Mike & Molly
"I'm not a Casanova. I haven't even kissed this girl yet."
Mike & Molly
"He said he loved me."
Mike & Molly
"Tonight?"
Mike & Molly
"Why don't I just bring you a whole order of french fries..."
Mike & Molly
"If I could eat just 12, this shirt wouldn't look like it was made in an awning store."
Mike & Molly
"I'm having wonderful success with it."
Mike & Molly
"Now, the key to form is keeping your wrist straight, okay?"
Mike & Molly
"Sandbagger."
Mike & Molly
"Oh, nice to meet you, Samuel."
Mike & Molly
"What part of Africa are you from?"
Mike & Molly
"He gets grumpy when he doesn't get his tiny pancake."
Mike & Molly
"Studying English Literature at the University of Illinois."
Mike & Molly
"Oh, I love English Lit. That's where I fell in love with Shakespeare."
Mike & Molly
"We could just drive around a little. It's a really beautiful night."
Mike & Molly
"...but I know I can navigate the City of the Broad Shoulders."
Mike & Molly
"Oh, hey, Michael. How are you, baby?"
Mike & Molly
"Carlton told me you had a date."
Mike & Molly
"I see. You didn't make a connection."
Mike & Molly
"...with a smart, capable young woman and it threatened your masculinity."
Mike & Molly
"No. No."
Mike & Molly
"Oh, Michael..."
Mike & Molly
"Want us all to just be dumb and grateful."
Mike & Molly
"Yuck, really?"
Mike & Molly
"...and she will open up like a flower."
Mike & Molly
"She has been doing this her whole life."
Mike & Molly
"No, he's gotta pay!"
Mike & Molly
"So why don't you give me the lighter and we'll talk about it?"
Mike & Molly
"Sorry, I get excited."
Mike & Molly
"Well, you can still turn things around."
Mike & Molly
"Attaboy, Mike."
Mike & Molly
"Thought so. When you were bent over tying your shoes..."
Mike & Molly
"...your wallet didn't look like it was trying to bust out of your ass."
Mike & Molly
"Well, I try to look every other way, but that thing is in IMAX."
Mike & Molly
"...but for a long time I struggled with a midday lag."
Mike & Molly
"If you mean that time between noon and 5..."
Mike & Molly
"...where I drive and you sleep, yeah, I've noticed."
Mike & Molly
"No more. And the great thing is I'm not dieting."
Mike & Molly
"I eat whatever I want. It's all about portion control."
Mike & Molly
"I've been preaching moderation for years."
Mike & Molly
"- Morning, gentlemen. - Hey, Samuel."
Mike & Molly
"I'll have the French toast with hash browns and a large orange juice."
Mike & Molly
"I will have a half a cup of Grape-Nuts, two inches of bacon..."
Mike & Molly
"Is he making a joke?"
Mike & Molly
"I usually find more food than that under his chair."
Mike & Molly
"Afraid not."
Mike & Molly
"Okay."
Mike & Molly
"Would you like skim milk on your Grape-Nuts?"
Mike & Molly
"No, whole milk, but just a whisper. I like my nuts crunchy."
Mike & Molly
"You are certain my chain is not being yanked?"
Mike & Molly
"Huh."
Mike & Molly
"- You understand my suspicions, right? - Just go get my food!"
Mike & Molly
"What you got going on tonight?"
Mike & Molly
"Nothing. I was thinking about asking Molly out again."
Mike & Molly
"Are you crazy? You can't ask a woman out on the same day."
Mike & Molly
"...she's gonna tell you she's got something going on so you don't think..."
Mike & Molly
"...she's got nothing when you call and ask what's going on."
Mike & Molly
"So should I call her or not?"
Mike & Molly
"Sure, you got nothing going on."
Mike & Molly
"Really? What are you doing tonight, making fondue with your grandma?"
Mike & Molly
"It's chili night."
Mike & Molly
"You know, I was thinking maybe I'd ask Molly to go bowling."
Mike & Molly
"Bowling? Oh, you dog."
Mike & Molly
"I see the tender trap you're baiting."
Mike & Molly
"I figured it'd be a fun, no-pressure kind of deal."
Mike & Molly
"Uh-huh. It has nothing to do with the fact that, when it comes to bowling..."
Mike & Molly
"...you're a chunky, white Michael Jordan?"
Mike & Molly
"...in that pink and black shirt with the matching ball?"
Mike & Molly
"You know, I won that ball in the police league tournament."
Mike & Molly
"I built the ensemble around it."
Mike & Molly
"You smooth-ass Casanova, you."
Mike & Molly
"Forget kissing. You're gonna be looking at a 7-10 split."
Mike & Molly
"...when she sees you treat those pins like your 10 little bitches."
Mike & Molly
"Whether it goes that far or not, I wanna show her a good time."
Mike & Molly
"She lives at home with her mom and her sister."
Mike & Molly
"She doesn't have a lot of excitement in her life."
Mike & Molly
"- No. No! - Put the scissors down!"
Mike & Molly
"- I'm gonna cut it off! - No man is worth it."
Mike & Molly
"- He's married. - He won't be after his wife gets my hair."
Mike & Molly
"Well, I finally got Sweeney Todd to bed."
Mike & Molly
"How did you manage that?"
Mike & Molly
"I crushed up three Xanax and put it in her teeth whitening tray."
Mike & Molly
"Well, it's all my fault she's so fragile."
Mike & Molly
"I was too hard on her growing up."
Mike & Molly
"Too hard? You breast-fed her till she was 5."
Mike & Molly
"...except you were eating corn on the cob before you had teeth."
Mike & Molly
"Hello?"
Mike & Molly
"Hey, Mike."
Mike & Molly
"Uh, not much. Hanging with Mom and Sis."
Mike & Molly
"- You can't leave. Watch me."
Mike & Molly
"Uh, bowling. Yeah, that sounds fun."
Mike & Molly
"Your sister needs us now."
Mike & Molly
"Hang on. Mom, she's doing this for attention."
Mike & Molly
"It's the same reason she's got a webcam in her bathroom."
Mike & Molly
"Fine."
Mike & Molly
"But if you come home and find the coroner snapping a toe tag on your sister..."
Mike & Molly
"...promise me you won't blame yourself."
Mike & Molly
"Deal."
Mike & Molly
"I love him. I must go to him."
Mike & Molly
"Sure. That sounds fun. Great."
Mike & Molly
"Seven o'clock. I have to go."
Mike & Molly
"...and you just eat 12 of them?"
Mike & Molly
"I tried that portion-control diet once."
Mike & Molly
"Yeah? How did it go?"
Mike & Molly
"Gained 14 pounds."
Mike & Molly
"Three freaking gummi bears at a time."
Mike & Molly
"And if I stay on track, I'm thinking next summer, shirtless at the beach."
Mike & Molly
"I'll bring the suntan lotion."
Mike & Molly
"Just in case, bring a bucket and a paint roller."
Mike & Molly
"Ha, ha. That is quite an outfit."
Mike & Molly
"I'm guessing you've done this before."
Mike & Molly
"Well, I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm a bit of a legend in these parts."
Mike & Molly
"Oh, really?"
Mike & Molly
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