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Clips from South Park - Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow (S09E09)

"Look, I know you think he's your best friend, but Kyle is a Jew rat."
South Park
"He has his Jew ethics, while he whores his greedy Jew gold, and he will Jew you out if you tell him about this!"
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"Hey dudes. Sorry I couldn't make it yesterday. What did you guys do?"
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"Heh, totally."
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"Aww, crap!"
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"Quiet, children, quiet. We need to hear."
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"At first, nobody knew what caused the dam to break."
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"It now appears that.. all rumors of global warming were true."
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"We were warned this would happen, and.. we didn't listen. We didn't listen!"
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"All the top Colorado geologists have gathered at the governor's office for an emergency meeting."
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"Ladies and gentlemen, if global warming has in fact already caused the Beaverton flood,"
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"then this is only the beginning."
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"The effects are going to spread. What we are looking at is a global warming catastrophe, the likes of which we've never seen."
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"Excuse me, sir, but when? When is this going to happen?"
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"Excuse me! I'm sure we're all very impressed with your wild theories, Dr. Marsh,"
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"but the fact is no statistical proof has ever been confirmed that global warming exists."
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"Are you suggesting we shut down the economy?"
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"ith all due respect, Cliche Descending Republican, the economy isn't going to matter the day after tomorrow."
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"Listen! Listen! We finished running the tests."
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"Global warming is going to strike two days before the day after tomorrow."
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"Oh my God. That's today!"
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"We didn't listen!"
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"We didn't listen!"
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"Come on, come on!"
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"It's useless, this traffic isn't moving."
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"No Stan, I'm afraid us adults just let you children down. We didn't take care of our Earth, and now you've inherited our problems."
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"We didn't listen!"
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"Oh Jesus, here it comes!"
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"Global warming!!"
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"It's right behind us!"
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"It's coming the other way!"
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"Go back, go back!"
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"Everyone into the community center! Hurry, go!"
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"Get inside, we have to close these doors!"
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"We must try to protect ourselves from the global warming."
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"Mr. Garrison, are you alright?"
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"I'm in pretty bad shape. My leg is broken, and my left boob is leaking."
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"Here you go, sweetheart."
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"I know, but, I'm afraid it's too late for them, sweetie. We have to try and save ourselves now."
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"Shh, shh, we've got the television working."
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"Global warming seems to have struck, as predicted, in the Colorado Rockies."
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"All around the country panic and chaos are settling in."
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"Tom, I'm standing just outside of Chicago where the panic of global warming has already caused countless deaths."
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"Already we're reporting that the death toll here in Chicago is over six hundred billion people."
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"Oh God."
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"This is all your fault, Jimbo!"
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"Me?"
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"Can you believe it Stan? I never thought global warming could happen so fast. I guess... I didn't listen."
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"Kyle, it.. it isn't global warming."
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"Huh?"
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"How do you know that?"
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"Because.. I know what did cause the flood."
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"George Bush?"
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"- Terrorists? - No."
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"- Communists? - No."
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"- Chinese radicals? - No."
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"Cartman?"
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"Sort of."
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"Cartman flooded Beaverton?!"
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"and Cartman egged me on, and I crashed it into the Beaverton dam."
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"Stan, people in Beaverton are still trapped on their roofs. Nobody's helping them because they think they can't go outside."
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"Look, maybe.. maybe we can help those people in Beaverton ourselves?"
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"How?"
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"We can sneak out of here, get a boat and go help them off their roofs. That way, I can do the right thing, but still lie about it."
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"Listen, listen everyone. Nobody can leave this building."
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"But.. we need supplies - food, silicone."
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"You go outside and you'll die."
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"By now the global warming has shifted the climate, bringing on a new ice age."
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"Within thehour the temperature outside will fall to over seventy million degress below zero."
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"Jezus."
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"And the rest of the country?"
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"Everyone below this line will have to be evacuated to the south."
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"Everyone above this line is already dead."
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"The south western states might have a chance, but New York will have tidal waves that will envelope all of the north east."
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"What, Frank?"
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"Oh, oh God damn it!"
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"Hello? Anybody? We'd like to be rescued, please. Any day now."
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"Wait, look! Here comes a boat!"
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"Oh Kevin, we're saved!"
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"It looks like.. three little boys."
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"Hey we'll take it! Over here, yes! Thank you, thank you!"
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"Oh thanks, thanks. That's a lot better."
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"We can't get out! The flames are too big."
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""Oh, you gotta help those people, it's your responsibility.""
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"Stan? Stan?"
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"Randy, we've looked everywhere. Kyle's missing too."
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"Stan?"
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"Ah, hey dad."
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"Stan, you're alive!"
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"Dad, we-we're trapped in Beaverton, we were trying to save everyone."
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"Stan, listen to me. You must stay indoors. Do not try to go out. Global warming has brought in a new ice age"
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"No dad, listen. I need to tell you something."
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"What is it, son?"
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"Nothing. Can you just come get us please?"
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"You just stay put son. I'm coming for you. Do you hear me? I'm coming for you!"
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"Randy, where are you going?"
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"I'm going to Beaverton."
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"You can't go out there, you'll freeze to death."
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"My son is counting on me."
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"Let me go, too."
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"You can't go out there, you'll freeze to death."
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"Alright come on both of you. We've got to pull together every warm piece of clothing we can find."
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"I can't go on... feel so hot..."
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"Feeling warm is a symptom of the last stages of hypothermia."
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"Oh Jesus, I feel warm too!"
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"Yeah me too. Steven, we've gotta keep moving. We're in deep hypothermia, all of us. We've gotta keep the blood flowing."
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"Maybe we should strip our jackets off.. and warm our bodies next to each other?"
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"Don't be a fag! Come on, we can make it. We have to try!"
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"Come on people, we're running out of time. We need all army helicopters to the southern states for evacuation now!"
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"Sir, more people in Beaverton are calling. They say they're trapped in floods and fire now."
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"Tell them that the government can't help. But that we're very sorry."
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"What?!"
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"We've just compiled some new information. The flood in Beaverton wasn't caused by global warming after all."
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"We know the truth now. We know what caused it."
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"Oh, my God. Rick, radio the helicopters!"
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"Dude, this whole building is going to collapse."
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"We have to find a way out."
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"Don't worry everyone, the government is here to save you."
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"Hand over the gold."
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"You know what I'm talking about."
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