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Clips from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015) - Kimmy and the Trolley Problem! (S03E03)

"If me and Artie is forever,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"does that mean I'm betraying the memory"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Wait!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"How do you know Roland, you skank?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"It's called "Move On, Baby,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Thank you, Roland."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I'm not gonna do that, Xan."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"There are a lot of ways to help people,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"You know, growing up in Mississippi,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"- Oh. -Hey, Lillian."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Artie's dead, Kitus."
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"I killed another man in my bedroom."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Oh, oh, God."
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"Lillian, there you are."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"when you take a show like The Americans for granted."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"My God, Artie."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"like me with that cop's bullet?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"It wasn't butter."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
""Artie's Heart Don't Work"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"No, no, no, no."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"-Good night, everybody! -Good night!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"But utilitarianism would say"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"you have an obligation to pull the switch."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Saving five people justifies killing one."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"The one person isn't Hitler."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Or a Dracula."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Professor Walter, was the trolley"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"a wire-bound Birney heritage trolley"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"or a modern Gomaco-made streetcar?"
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"-It doesn't matter. -Gomaco!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"The point is, you should pursue"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"the greatest good for the greatest number of people."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"For example, if I have two pairs of shoes"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"and someone else has none, I should give them one of mine."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I have five pairs of shoes."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Well, a strict ethical altruist would say"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"to a wife who agrees a little too readily."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Now every time you come home, the mailbox flag is up,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"and you have to grade papers by the dome light in your car."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Well, that's class."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Kimmy, I need to ask you for a favor, okay?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Anything, Xan. Anything."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"God! Look, I've been working at the university TV station."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"When's chicken?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"They're letting me produce my own show about women on campus."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Shut up. It's called Profiles."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Oof, is that set in stone?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"It's kind of a big deal for a first-year, and I was hoping that you'd come on"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"and talk about your tragic life or whatever."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Oh, I don't know, Xan."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I wanna help, but I just started bumping that stuff down the old Google."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Hello Kitty seems innocent, but... she is."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"You wanna help, come on the show."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Don't you think people would be inspired by your story?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"that people can overcome anything."
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"I guess I don't have a choice."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"you know, a fascinating transition."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Oh, no, Russ,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Especially once we get you some new clothes."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"You know I don't care what you look like, right?"
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"It's the two of us now."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"And they didn't even pixelate my neck!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Wow."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Don't worry. Not everything's changing."
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"and now we're gonna save the world together."
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"Those poor people and endangered animals won't even know what hit 'em."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Over and over."
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"God, I want you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Everybody leave!"
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"there's something I've been wanting to ask you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Would you like to take a trip with me?"
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"A trip? Well, sure."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Uh, shrooms? Lids?"
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"Donkeytips? Ooh."
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"If you dissolve a Urethrex in sizzurp--"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"No. A trip to Europe."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Europe? The Kaushtuppers fled Europe"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"to escape the persecution of the cow owners."
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"Come on, you'll love it."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I booked us on a National Geographic smoked fish tour of Scandinavia."
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"Listen, I can't just pick up and leave like that."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I got a baseball autographed by Bernie Goetz."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Lillian, modern technology can take care of all of that."
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"We're going to the gizmo store."
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"as my nonstop elegance,"
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"I just wanna bend him over a chair and--"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Why are you telling me this?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Well, I have to brag to someone, and talking to Kimmy about guys--"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
""Is he as cute as Edward Furlong?""
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"-Here come the waterworks. -...here come the waterworks."
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"Who's Xan?"
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"Will you introduce me?"
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"-It's called Profiles-- -Really?"
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"It's not fair."
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"First Jacqueline gets a hottie with a body--"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"trademark me, 1994--"
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"and now you're gonna be on TV,"
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"and TV's in yet another golden age."
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"Believe me, I know."
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"Mr. Donnie Wahlberg gave up music superstardom"
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"for exactly this kind of opportunity."
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"But Xan wants me to talk about the bunker."
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"Don't worry."
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"Everyone just thinks of you as Titus' busted hag."
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"I know I have to do this."
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"Ask your friend Cyndee. She talks about the bunker all the time."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I'm Cyndee Pokorny."
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""Me and the other Indiana 'blank' Women were named after this burrowing rodent.""
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"I can't believe I'm asking Cyndee Pokorny for advice."
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"she ate all my plastic Barbie fruit."
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"It's too small to be real, Cyndee."
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"Kimmy? You gotta help me."
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"It's awful."
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"in a BunCo bunker,"
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"I never would have gotten out."
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"That's great. Can you struggle with the door a little bit?"
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"Uh-huh."
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"Cyndee."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Why didn't you tell me you were in New York?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I had no idea."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
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