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Clips from American Dad! - Phantom of the Telethon (S04E04)

"With your host Agent Stan Smith!"
American Dad!
"How about a hand for our band? Midget Assassin and the This Doesn't Concern You Orchestra!"
American Dad!
"And theJ FK assassination."
American Dad!
"We don't go blue. That's the lazy man's comedy."
American Dad!
"Maybe we're working too hard."
American Dad!
"# It feels so good #"
American Dad!
"Now, I need a moment with my writers."
American Dad!
"I'm gonna go double-check the copy for the "Taliban, Taliban, Tally Me Banana" sketch."
American Dad!
"You really think someone messed with the teleprompter?"
American Dad!
"- Oh, yeah! - Yea! I get to strap him to the waterboard!"
American Dad!
"[Screams]"
American Dad!
"Uh, sir, I don't think that's gonna work."
American Dad!
"What if I invent something?"
American Dad!
"I can't believe you're actually trying to save it!"
American Dad!
"You know what show I tried to save? The Ghost Whisperer."
American Dad!
"[All Laughing]"
American Dad!
"Wheat Thicks."
American Dad!
"it's the first annual C.I.A. Telethon!"
American Dad!
"[Imitates Crowd Cheering]"
American Dad!
"- That's whatJerry Lewis said right before he stole my idea. - You knew Jerry Lewis?"
American Dad!
"I'm so proud of you, honey! How did you ever think of a telethon?"
American Dad!
"- He didn't! It was my idea! - Yours?"
American Dad!
"Yeah. Remember, Stan? We were in the living room, and I said "telethon"!"
American Dad!
"That spaceship sailed a long time ago!"
American Dad!
"But I'm not gonna be branded a liar again!"
American Dad!
"[Phones Ringing]"
American Dad!
"Klaus, did that teleprompter mishap hurt us?"
American Dad!
"Good. We can still meet our goal. I just have to make sure nothing else goes wrong."
American Dad!
"- Sherry and Buckle! - It's Sharri!"
American Dad!
"[Cheering, Applause]"
American Dad!
""Thanks. The Phantom-"
American Dad!
"Lain? Laid."
American Dad!
"- [Groans] - [Laughing] - [Laughter]"
American Dad!
"Steve, Hayley, I need you to find him and stop him."
American Dad!
"[All] Aww!"
American Dad!
"Some acts are too cold."
American Dad!
"- [Creaking] - [Tires Squealing]"
American Dad!
"## [Keyboard: Disco Classical]"
American Dad!
"Hmm? What the hell?"
American Dad!
"Ladies and gentlemen, the United States may be the greatest nation in the world."
American Dad!
"Thank you, Langley!"
American Dad!
"There you go again, stealing my idea."
American Dad!
"Well, until you tell the family this telethon was my idea, I've got havoc to wreak!"
American Dad!
"- Wreck? Wreak. - It ends now!"
American Dad!
"[Screaming]"
American Dad!
"[Groaning]"
American Dad!
"All right, all right! I give up! But it doesn't matter!"
American Dad!
"Put me down."
American Dad!
"## [Dramatic Sting]"
American Dad!
"Let's try that on the fart setting."
American Dad!
"I don't know. It's funnier, but I think it takes out some of the tension."
American Dad!
"When you're forbidden to drink, dance, or touch yourself, your afternoons are pretty free."
American Dad!
"- I don't negotiate with terrorists! - Oh, really?"
American Dad!
"All right. I did your little play, and it was intoxicating."
American Dad!
"If you have anything else I'd be right for, please keep me in mind."
American Dad!
"In the meantime, I need you to disarm the bomb!"
American Dad!
"But you're worse. You stole my idea and lied about it to your own family."
American Dad!
"Oh, my God! You're right!"
American Dad!
"It doesn't have to be the last thing."
American Dad!
"- This is annoying! Hey! - ## [Keyboard: Discordant Notes]"
American Dad!
"- Hey! - Wait a minute."
American Dad!
"Sure, he can be beaten by amateurs, like that oddly proportioned fellow in the cape."
American Dad!
"- [Groans] Come on! - ## [Group Humming]"
American Dad!
"We need the money to fund official unofficial C.I.A. Torture."
American Dad!
"That's it, folks! Give till it hurts..."
American Dad!
"- him! - [Groaning]"
American Dad!
"- [Snake Grunts] - [Groans]"
American Dad!
"- [Machinery Whirring, Buzzing] - [Snake Screams]"
American Dad!
"The code is 1-2-3-4-pound!"
American Dad!
"- The bomb is disarmed! - [Cheering]"
American Dad!
"[Cheering, Whooping]"
American Dad!
"Yeah, I'm not gonna do that."
American Dad!
"## [Keyboard: Discordant Notes]"
American Dad!
"- Man, that is some sport coat! - Oh, you like it?"
American Dad!
"No, it's great. I just didn't realize your latest assignment was to kill fashion."
American Dad!
"- [Rim Shot] - [Audience Laughing]"
American Dad!
"No, I'm sorry. This is where we planned theJ FK assassination."
American Dad!
"Not true, folks. Fact is, C.I.A. Actually stands for..."
American Dad!
"Stan Smith was born with both male and female genitalia."
American Dad!
"- [Murmurings] - That's not what we wrote!"
American Dad!
"- Balls! - [Chuckles]"
American Dad!
"Uh, anyway, you're in for quite a show over the next 12 hours, so give generously."
American Dad!
"reenacting the volleyball scene from their favorite movie, Top Gun."
American Dad!
"[Giggles] I know! I'm sure it's gonna be a huge success."
American Dad!
"Godlike? I don't know if I'd go that far."
American Dad!
"- What the hell was that genitals joke? - That's not what we wrote."
American Dad!
"You were supposed to say, "C.I.A. Stands for Central Insanity Agency.""
American Dad!
"[Chuckles] That's good. That's good. But that's not what was on the teleprompter!"
American Dad!
"Well, someone must have messed with it."
American Dad!
"I mean, who would want to sabotage the telethon?"
American Dad!
"Sabotage? Oh, no!"
American Dad!
"Did you hear? We just captured a new terrorist! Time to torture!"
American Dad!
"Oh, no. I'm on the phone. Yeah, I'm still here, Mom."
American Dad!
"Stop! We can't torture anyone!"
American Dad!
"- What's he talking about? We always torture. - We can't afford it."
American Dad!
"to read. [Sobbing]"
American Dad!
"We'll just have to raise a million dollars and fund the torture program ourselves."
American Dad!
"Luckily, I have a plan."
American Dad!
"We have the biggest keg party this town's ever seen."
American Dad!
"We charge five- no, seven dollars a cup. Girls drink free."
American Dad!
"I don't hear you suggesting how to get girls to our party."
American Dad!
"How hard can it be to come up with a million dollars?"
American Dad!
"Paper clips, paper clips-"
American Dad!
"Piper claps- Popper clops! Clops that pop your cloppers!"
American Dad!
"I think torture is barbaric and inhumane!"
American Dad!
"Why not? You tried to save Veronica Mars."
American Dad!
"We get it. Girl detectives are bitchier than regular detectives."
American Dad!
"- It's still on. - Really?"
American Dad!
"You know, for when it's too bright out."
American Dad!
"Stan, it's okay. So you're not an idea guy."
American Dad!
"Yes, I am! Remember when I invented that machine?"
American Dad!
"Stan, that wasn't a machine. That was a hat."
American Dad!
"I am an idea man, and I'll prove it to you all."
American Dad!
"I just need to get away from all this negativity so I can concentrate."
American Dad!
"Sweet'N High."
American Dad!
"- Southern Discomfort. - Good, you're here."
American Dad!
"You can either take your socks off now, or I can knock 'em off for ya."
American Dad!
"- What are you talking about? - ## [Band Fanfare]"
American Dad!
"Live from C.I.A. Headquarters in Langley, Virginia..."
American Dad!
"A telethon? No one wants to run 26 miles!"
American Dad!
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