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Clips from American Dad! - Phantom of the Telethon (S04E04)

"Not a marathon, a telethon!"
American Dad!
"It's the perfect way for you to raise the money you need!"
American Dad!
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
American Dad!
"Yeah. Back in the '50s I was his tailor. I shortened his pants. Made him a star."
American Dad!
"One day I said to him, "Jer"- I called him Jer, but not to his face."
American Dad!
"I said, "Jerry, how about you do a long, televised plea for money?""
American Dad!
"Course he did it, and he said it was all his idea. Made me look like a total liar."
American Dad!
"The only one who believed me was Dean Martin. Good old Dino."
American Dad!
"What a sweetheart. Talented, talented greaseball- from Ohio!"
American Dad!
"Thanks, Roger. But I don't need your stupid telethon idea."
American Dad!
"Hamburger... Hinderer."
American Dad!
"Guess what, everybody. Bullock loved my telethon idea!"
American Dad!
"- Way to go, Dad! - Wunderbar!"
American Dad!
"- Wait a minute. Your idea? - You should have seen it."
American Dad!
"- Stan, is that true? - Oh, I remember now."
American Dad!
"- Thank you! - Yeah. You said "marathon," and that's what got me to telethon."
American Dad!
"- Oh, marathon. - That's why Roger got confused."
American Dad!
"Oh! A marathon's a terrible idea."
American Dad!
"Stan, tell 'em the truth, or they're gonna think I'm a liar!"
American Dad!
"- Get it? Because he's an alien! - Or so he claims."
American Dad!
"I letJerry Lewis live. I think we all agree that was a mistake."
American Dad!
"Mark my words. This time, I will be avenged!"
American Dad!
"He's trying to ruin the telethon because I didn't call him when dinner was ready!"
American Dad!
"Well, the donations slowed down a little, but things are starting to pick up again."
American Dad!
"So anyway, what happened after you slathered him in oil? Did he like that?"
American Dad!
"Hey, everyone! Look who just wandered in..."
American Dad!
"from their tree house in the Appalachian wilderness."
American Dad!
"- It's the amazing Buckle and Sherry! - ## [Band Fanfare]"
American Dad!
"Honey, I've been meaning to ask you for a... separation!"
American Dad!
"Like you could survive five minutes without me!"
American Dad!
"What kind of man puts his wife in a box and cuts her up?"
American Dad!
"I'm just trying to create a sense of wonder!"
American Dad!
"You know what I wonder? Why I didn't listen to my mother!"
American Dad!
"I joined a synagogue for you! Just do the trick!"
American Dad!
"Oh, you want to do a trick? Here's a trick. Put a baby in me!"
American Dad!
"You know, folks, we're having a lot of fun tonight. But let's remember why we're all here."
American Dad!
"- This is a terrorist! - [All Gasp]"
American Dad!
"They call him the Common Garden Snake of Rumallah!"
American Dad!
"- [Man Clears Throat] - It sounds much scarier in Arabic."
American Dad!
"Snake, do you have information vital to this nation's security?"
American Dad!
"I do, Stan, yes, very much."
American Dad!
"This is why we need to fund the C.I.A. Torture program."
American Dad!
"or those repo men will take away our torture equipment forever."
American Dad!
"Operators are standing by."
American Dad!
"And now, black music!"
American Dad!
"I'm so proud of you, Stan. I really underestimated you."
American Dad!
"I'm a man of action. A man of ideas."
American Dad!
""P. S: When you give me credit, refer to me as Roger."
American Dad!
"Roger. '""
American Dad!
"So, down the gauntlet has been laid."
American Dad!
"Delivery for the Phantom of the Telethon."
American Dad!
"Oh, my God! My pipe organ! Yea!"
American Dad!
"This is what I'm supposed to play maniacally down in the catacombs?"
American Dad!
"Oh! What'd you think you were gettin' for 39.95?"
American Dad!
"No, no! This is totally unaccept-"
American Dad!
"- ## [Disco Beat] - Ohh!"
American Dad!
"Yeah, I can work with this."
American Dad!
"Folks, we still have a long way to go to reach our goal, so we need your pledges."
American Dad!
"Smile and look to camera "B.""
American Dad!
"You know, sometimes torture doesn't go quite the way you planned. Let's watch."
American Dad!
"- [Film Projector Whirring] - ## [Lighthearted]"
American Dad!
"- [Laughing] - [Laughter]"
American Dad!
"- ## [Funk] - [All Gasp]"
American Dad!
"Cut! Cut! I'm sorry, folks. I have no idea how that tape got in there."
American Dad!
"What the hell was that?"
American Dad!
"Honey, that's what you have to do after a man takes you to a fancy dinner."
American Dad!
"N-No. I mean, why was it shown?"
American Dad!
"that this telethon was his idea, and now he's trying to ruin it!"
American Dad!
"I better get the security guard. I'm not searching that basement unless I'm accompanied..."
American Dad!
""Some acts are too hot."
American Dad!
""Some acts are too cold."
American Dad!
"This act is just right." Oh, like Goldilocks."
American Dad!
"Part of me thinks people will be confused because there's only one bear."
American Dad!
"You're overthinking it!"
American Dad!
"Okay. That was Gretchen Grossbard with a tribute to her sister..."
American Dad!
"Irene... Grossbard!"
American Dad!
"Folks, we gotta do better than this."
American Dad!
"You know, the C.I.A. Has captured a lot of bomb makers."
American Dad!
"Well, it's time for you to set off the biggest bomb of all- the one in your hearts."
American Dad!
"Let's keep the show goin'. Some acts are too hot."
American Dad!
"This act is just right."
American Dad!
"Joke killer. He's a joke killer."
American Dad!
"[Boris Groans]"
American Dad!
"Itty-bitty brake line is cut."
American Dad!
"All part of the show, folks. Everything's fine. Music, Frodo. Music!"
American Dad!
"## [Latin Pop]"
American Dad!
"Hayley, what the hell happened?"
American Dad!
"We were looking for Roger when somebody hit me on the head. When I woke up, Steve was gone."
American Dad!
"Wait. What would Roger want with Steve?"
American Dad!
"Sheez, it stinks in here! And why am I in a dress?"
American Dad!
"- Ah, the hell with this! - Steve? Steve, come back here!"
American Dad!
"But do you know what the second-greatest nation is?"
American Dad!
"- [Man] El Salvador! - No, not Mexico."
American Dad!
"The second greatest nation is donation. Won't you all become citizens?"
American Dad!
"Jeff Fischer and theJeff Fischer Hacky Sack Attack!"
American Dad!
"One, two, three. Woo-hoo!"
American Dad!
"All right! One, two-"
American Dad!
"Oh. Really thought we were gearing up for a much more satisfying chase. But this-"
American Dad!
"- Roger, I'll kill you! - I'm not Roger! I'm the Phantom!"
American Dad!
"- [Gasps] Roger! - Well, yeah. Who did you-What?"
American Dad!
"Well, anyway, you'll never stop me!"
American Dad!
"These riggings and catwalks are my domain! And I am their master!"
American Dad!
"[Groans]"
American Dad!
"[Groaning Continues]"
American Dad!
"[Screaming]"
American Dad!
"I've already destroyed this telethon!"
American Dad!
"You've given me a relaxed demeanor!"
American Dad!
"Oh, my God! Is that a bomb?"
American Dad!
"- You planted a bomb? - What the hell are you talking about?"
American Dad!
"That's enough C-4 to blow up this entire building!"
American Dad!
"- Disarm it! - Stan, it's not mine."
American Dad!
"release the terrorist, drop a fishing boat on Jeff Fischer-"
American Dad!
"Wait. You released the terrorist?"
American Dad!
"He's an explosives expert! We'll never be able to disarm it!"
American Dad!
"Oh, my God! Stan, I know exactly what to do."
American Dad!
"## [Farting]"
American Dad!
"How could you release the Snake? He's a master bomb maker!"
American Dad!
"Me? [Chuckles] I don't know about "master." I make a nice bomb."
American Dad!
"All right, Snake! The jig is up!"
American Dad!
"Prepare to meet your Mecca!"
American Dad!
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