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Clips from 30 Rock - 100: Part 1 (S05E05)

"Hank, as you know, tonight is "TGS's" 100th episode."
30 Rock
"And we've been getting some good media buzz."
30 Rock
"So you did 99 shows against all odds and reason."
30 Rock
"That's something. Now it's time to rest."
30 Rock
"Really? You want to cancel the only show on your network"
30 Rock
"starring a 42-year-old woman,"
30 Rock
"a show that is number 1"
30 Rock
"in its time slot among men 18 to 49 months left in prison?"
30 Rock
"I thought this company was a family,"
30 Rock
"but I guess it's that Austrian family and I am the girl in the basement"
30 Rock
"and you are the dad who has been brutally..."
30 Rock
"Oh, well, that's something."
30 Rock
"Just like the Army doctor said to me after my weekend in Okinawa!"
30 Rock
"It's no wonder you're here with us good folks at KableTown"
30 Rock
"Jack Welch once smacked a pretzel out of my hand at the Super Bowl."
30 Rock
"Jeez, I'll get it done."
30 Rock
"You know I'll do whatever it takes, Lemon style."
30 Rock
"But you're going to get me another sandwich,"
30 Rock
"or I'm going to cut your face up so bad, you'll have a chin."
30 Rock
"I will waste you!"
30 Rock
"You'll have to go through this old bastard first!"
30 Rock
"And I don't really think it's fair for me to be on a jury"
30 Rock
"because I'm a hologram."
30 Rock
"I did find him, but he's still crazy."
30 Rock
"He thinks he can't be funny anymore"
30 Rock
"because now he's a big Oscar winner, people respect him too much."
30 Rock
"He told me he feels like a Bartram's Scrub-Hairstreak"
30 Rock
"trying to crawl back into its silky cocoon"
30 Rock
"which is a butterfly metaphor, by the way,"
30 Rock
"and not, as I first thought,"
30 Rock
"into a drunk, incompetent caterpillar."
30 Rock
"Tracy will destroy all his good will in time for rehearsal."
30 Rock
"my wife, Joy, and I were at Mar-A-Lago..."
30 Rock
"Jesus was black!"
30 Rock
"Really? Is it from that pie place?"
30 Rock
"And I'm tired of going to bat for you and your show."
30 Rock
"Oh. Okay. Fine."
30 Rock
"But just to be clear..."
30 Rock
"There is no pie."
30 Rock
"Okay."
30 Rock
"And cut!"
30 Rock
"Congratulations, everyone."
30 Rock
"In 100 shows, we've done "Pam" 107 times."
30 Rock
"Can you believe it's been 5 years since we first started doing this?"
30 Rock
"since I've been here, 'cause I couldn't see any of that."
30 Rock
"Terrific show, Ma'am."
30 Rock
"If I know anything about television, The Girlie Show is a hit!"
30 Rock
"Oh, please. If this turkey goes 100 episodes, I'll have your baby."
30 Rock
"I said that?"
30 Rock
"Wait, I saw that. How? Am I dead?"
30 Rock
"I better lay you across my grandmother's lap in the mating shed."
30 Rock
"you'd make a wonderful parent."
30 Rock
"You could sing the baby to sleep, and tell it fairy tales"
30 Rock
"and act out all the witch parts."
30 Rock
"Oh, you albino goon!"
30 Rock
"I can't even imagine you pregnant."
30 Rock
"in the same maternity outfit, "Who wore it best?""
30 Rock
"I did. I wore it best."
30 Rock
"It's pep-talk time."
30 Rock
"I'm not going to sugar coat anything here."
30 Rock
"If we don't get Tracy back and do the best show that we've ever done,"
30 Rock
"we're cancelled."
30 Rock
"So, we're counting on Tracy?"
30 Rock
"Forget it!"
30 Rock
"Frank, but that bigger hat back on."
30 Rock
"Where's my mac and cheese?"
30 Rock
"And we've had some good times."
30 Rock
"And I know what you are all capable of."
30 Rock
"Tonight, 'TGS' will not be the worst thing on television."
30 Rock
"It'll be John Stossel!"
30 Rock
"Who's with me?"
30 Rock
"Gas leak, huh?"
30 Rock
"Why now, on my last day before retirement?"
30 Rock
"Here, let me show you guys something."
30 Rock
"That's my girl. We're getting married when I get out of here."
30 Rock
"Who wants to kiss?"
30 Rock
"Jack, we have a problem."
30 Rock
"Do you know what I find fascinating?"
30 Rock
"Mystery novels written by janitors?"
30 Rock
"How everyone who comes through my doors"
30 Rock
"seems to want to talk about 'TGS'"
30 Rock
"but that doesn't mean I'm not a very busy man."
30 Rock
"See? I got a new hair."
30 Rock
"- It's white and it hurts, but... - How bad is this leak?"
30 Rock
"flashbacks, headaches, nostalgia."
30 Rock
"My last day. I don't know if there was a party planned..."
30 Rock
"I don't care if anyone dies."
30 Rock
"I refuse to have long, gas-induced conversations"
30 Rock
"we've had a lot of crazy characters and guest stars drop by 'TGS'..."
30 Rock
"Thank you, Pete."
30 Rock
"I can't believe it's been 100 shows. More like 100 little strokes."
30 Rock
"and then Jack came along and forced me to hire Tracy,"
30 Rock
"Oh, life was so much simpler back then."
30 Rock
"I mean, sure, he was an idiot, but he made great chili,"
30 Rock
"and he didn't care if I watched TV during sex."
30 Rock
"Liz, we have to evacuate the floor. There's a gas leak."
30 Rock
"Everyone, evacuate immediately. This is not a drill."
30 Rock
"The gas is not affecting me yet, so I can lead you to safety."
30 Rock
"Oh, God, what have I done?"
30 Rock
"as D'Jeffrey "Lucky" Seeda"
30 Rock
"in the movie Hard to Watch."
30 Rock
"Why don't you shut your mouth,"
30 Rock
"back that ass up, and make me a sandwich!"
30 Rock
"He's awesome!"
30 Rock
"as the verbally abusive D'Jeffrey."
30 Rock
"I mean, he's become such a part of him."
30 Rock
"So, Tracy Jordan."
30 Rock
"You asked to come on our show"
30 Rock
"because you had a revelation"
30 Rock
"I lied to all you ugly white ladies."
30 Rock
"I was hiding in a warehouse in Queens"
30 Rock
"watching vintage pornography."
30 Rock
"I love your honesty."
30 Rock
"It's because you didn't feel like your authentic self"
30 Rock
"that you walked away from success."
30 Rock
"I can't. You fly free."
30 Rock
"I'm a bird in a cage."
30 Rock
"We've got our no-cook cooking hair make-unders."
30 Rock
"What does that even mean?"
30 Rock
"but you can make salads with them."
30 Rock
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