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Clips from American Dad! - The Best Christmas Story Never (S02E02)

"And you can think about that while you,re sleeping on the couch!"
American Dad!
"On the couch? But the window is broken..."
American Dad!
"and the Christmas Rapist is on the loose."
American Dad!
"Arise and awaken, Stan Smith."
American Dad!
"Holiday Rapist! I mean, Christmas Rapist!"
American Dad!
"Why? Why are you here?"
American Dad!
"Because you,ve forgotten the true meaning of Christmas."
American Dad!
"Take my sleeve, Stan."
American Dad!
"'tis Christmas morn, 1970."
American Dad!
"The Partridge Family toppeth the charts with "I Think I Love You...."
American Dad!
"And Jane Fonda is filming her Oscar-winning role in Klute."
American Dad!
"You can't run away! Great."
American Dad!
"My first gig as Christmas Past and I tank it."
American Dad!
"Couldn't be happy with just being the tooth fairy."
American Dad!
""Live risky. Reach for the stars...."
American Dad!
"Well, that's not stardust on your hands, Michelle."
American Dad!
"It's failure, and it don't wash off."
American Dad!
"There's only one way to save Christmas-"
American Dad!
"Kill Jane Fonda."
American Dad!
"No time, friend. I,ve got to kill Jane Fonda..."
American Dad!
"before she goes to Vietnam and ruins Christmas."
American Dad!
"- Gross. - Cut!"
American Dad!
"Beautiful,Jane. That fork thing- genius."
American Dad!
"Thanks. I figured, "Hey, share the experience...."
American Dad!
"Remove any notion of ownership. I mean, who's really the pet here, right?"
American Dad!
"Oh, you are so dead."
American Dad!
"What the hell!"
American Dad!
"and I took your husband back to 1970, and he bolted on me."
American Dad!
"You lost my husband in the past?"
American Dad!
"Look, if a mom takes a kid to the mall and loses the kid, do you blame the mom?"
American Dad!
"No! No, you don't! No!"
American Dad!
"Anyway, can you help me find him?"
American Dad!
"I don't understand. Why would Stan run away?"
American Dad!
"Beats me. One minute I,m talking about President Nixon and Jane Fonda..."
American Dad!
"- the next minute he's gone. - Oh."
American Dad!
"I'm not going back to that filth hyde cade without some Purell"
American Dad!
"Come on, Don. I'm just an actress."
American Dad!
"Jane,you have the power to be so much more than that."
American Dad!
"You know, you should get involved in politics."
American Dad!
"- I don't know. - Let's talk about this later-"
American Dad!
"Over drinks, maybe at my place?"
American Dad!
"I got it all wrong. Sutherland pushed her into politics."
American Dad!
"He's the one I have to kill."
American Dad!
"What did you say?"
American Dad!
"Um-"
American Dad!
"Yes. Yes, that seems pretty fun."
American Dad!
"Alright. Miss Fonda, lie down. You can finish the cat food later."
American Dad!
"Ooh, Donald Sutherland."
American Dad!
"- You on the list? - Uh, yeah,Jack Nichol-"
American Dad!
"I always mix them up. Not the golfer. The guy in About Schmidt."
American Dad!
"He was the one in the hot tub with the big lady from Dolores Claiborne?"
American Dad!
"Ooh! Cold. Cold. But flattering."
American Dad!
""Disco's Greatest Hits ""
American Dad!
"On the other hand, I,m a spaceman working at Elaine's..."
American Dad!
"Have you seen Donald Sutherland?"
American Dad!
"You might want to check between Faye Dun away's legs."
American Dad!
"Hold it now. That smells like a marijuana cigarette."
American Dad!
"What's your name, funny guy?"
American Dad!
"- Marty. Marty Scorsese. - Martin Scorsese? Wow! Oh, you,re amazing."
American Dad!
"- I love your work. - You saw my six-minute film about a guy shaving?"
American Dad!
"Let's just say the world has yet to recognize your genius."
American Dad!
"You know what, man? You,re right."
American Dad!
"Your eyebrows tickle."
American Dad!
"Oh, okay. Like you,ve never overshot a freeway exit."
American Dad!
"Oh, look how cute."
American Dad!
"You know, you should get involved in politics."
American Dad!
"Let's talk about it over drinks. Maybe at my place?"
American Dad!
"Let's talk about it over your brains."
American Dad!
"Maybe all over the place?"
American Dad!
"- Ow. - Stan, you can't kill Jane Fonda."
American Dad!
"Don't worry. Sutherland's my new target."
American Dad!
"No. Anything you do here in the past could have drastic consequences in the future."
American Dad!
"Well, too bad. I,m here to save Christmas, and you can't stop me!"
American Dad!
"- Wrong. We,re going home. - Oh, man!"
American Dad!
"Hey, I didn't screw up, okay?"
American Dad!
"- This is the right year, and we,re in the right place. - But everything's different."
American Dad!
"Steve? Hayley?"
American Dad!
"- What the- - Look out!"
American Dad!
"I,ll tell you what it's doing here."
American Dad!
"You changed something in the past that affected the future."
American Dad!
"- Francine! - What? I,ve had to pee since the,70s."
American Dad!
"but when something in the past gets changed, it affects the future!"
American Dad!
"Think, Stan. What did you do when you were back in 1970?"
American Dad!
"- What? - Honey, it was 1970. It was before I knew you."
American Dad!
"Oh, right. Sorry."
American Dad!
"No. It wasn't any of that. No."
American Dad!
"Um, I met Martin Scorsese, got him off drugs."
American Dad!
"Getting Scorsese off drugs means he never did all the cocaine..."
American Dad!
"that fueled him to make Taxi Driver."
American Dad!
"Which means she never cast Jodie Foster."
American Dad!
"Which means Reagan was never empowered by surviving an assassination attempt."
American Dad!
"Bingo!Forty-seven days into his presidency..."
American Dad!
"Mondale handed complete control of the U.S. over to the Soviet Union."
American Dad!
"- Stan, we have to make this right. - I,m way ahead of you."
American Dad!
"There's only one way to save America."
American Dad!
"I have to go back in time and make Taxi Driver."
American Dad!
"What? Stan, that's crazy."
American Dad!
"No, he's right. If that movie doesn't get made in 1974..."
American Dad!
"- you,ll end up Commies, and I,ll be out of a job. - Let's go!"
American Dad!
"Okay. No more slip ups. We,re just here to make a movie."
American Dad!
"What do you think, Clive?"
American Dad!
"Funky!"
American Dad!
"I,m a winner, Ma! Look at me now!"
American Dad!
"Whoo! You can look again, Ma!"
American Dad!
"You talking to me? You talking to me?"
American Dad!
"Because Travis is such a loner, he's desperate for any interaction..."
American Dad!
"Didn't look like you were talking to your reflection."
American Dad!
"Looked like you were talking to the mirror."
American Dad!
"Like I was having a conversation with the actual mirror?"
American Dad!
"- Yeah. - Not the person in the mirror?"
American Dad!
"You,re an idiot. I quit."
American Dad!
"Stan, you can't let him quit. The movie's gotta be the same."
American Dad!
"No, it doesn't. Jodie Foster's the one Hinckley falls for, right?"
American Dad!
"So Robert De "Zero... wants to quit, fine."
American Dad!
"Now I can make this movie with the actor I wanted from the start."
American Dad!
"Okay, that's Hinckley."
American Dad!
"Let's go home, Iris."
American Dad!
"Lalengua 'dela" cinema es universal"
American Dad!
"But how about that Jodie Foster? Pretty hot, huh?"
American Dad!
"I bet you,d have to do something really special to impress a girl like that."
American Dad!
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