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Clips from American Dad! - The Best Christmas Story Never (S02E02)

"Yeah, a hard 12!"
American Dad!
"Grass on the field! Go shoot the president!"
American Dad!
"Well, that's it. Hinckley hated it."
American Dad!
"We failed. Good-bye, America. Good-bye, Christmas."
American Dad!
"Wait, no! No, no. No good-bye, Christmas."
American Dad!
"I can't go back to the tooth fairy guild."
American Dad!
"Did you know D.N.A. is in poo? ,Cause I sure didn't."
American Dad!
"- Where are we? - Washington, D.C., March 30, 1981."
American Dad!
"Hey, that's the Secret Service."
American Dad!
"Reagan? He's my hero."
American Dad!
"Wait. This is the Hilton. This is where Hinckley shot Reagan."
American Dad!
"Yeah. This is where Hinckley used to shoot Reagan. But not anymore. Remember?"
American Dad!
"But you screwed things up. You have to make them right."
American Dad!
"You have to shoot the president."
American Dad!
"Hello? Larry!"
American Dad!
"Hey, hold on. I,m gonna put you on speaker."
American Dad!
"- Everyone, it's Larry! - Larry!"
American Dad!
"Hear that? They love you, Lar, and so do I."
American Dad!
"No. These are my friends. How many albums did we sell?"
American Dad!
"Give me the number, you crazy Jew."
American Dad!
"- Uh, 90. - Ninety million!"
American Dad!
"No, 90. Ninety records. Disco's dead. You,re broke."
American Dad!
"What the hell are you talking about, Larry?"
American Dad!
"Hey, hey, don't leave. The party's not over."
American Dad!
"But what about my investments? What about all my racehorses?"
American Dad!
"I thought you were feeding them."
American Dad!
"My God! I,m ruined! Ruined!"
American Dad!
"So we might as well start learning Russian."
American Dad!
"I wonder how you say "Hold the door... in Russian."
American Dad!
"I,m probably gonna miss a lot of elevators at first."
American Dad!
"But, Stan, if the Soviets control the U.S., there really won't be a Christmas."
American Dad!
"I,ll miss all that. But at least I,ll still have you and the kids."
American Dad!
"What kids? If you don't fix this, you and Francine might never meet."
American Dad!
"Your kids might never be born."
American Dad!
"- Thereheis!Mr. President! - Hmm."
American Dad!
"Francine, I came back here to save Christmas."
American Dad!
"Now remember, you only need to wing him."
American Dad!
"Wow, thank you."
American Dad!
"Geez. That- That would have been ugly."
American Dad!
"Did it work?"
American Dad!
"No tanks! No Russian troops!"
American Dad!
"Hey, boy! What day is this?"
American Dad!
"- Why, it's Christmas, sir. - That's wonderful!"
American Dad!
"We did it, Francine."
American Dad!
"He sure did."
American Dad!
"This one is for you, but I think it's broken."
American Dad!
"Merry Christmas, Roger."
American Dad!
"I created disco, you know."
American Dad!
"Yeah, you,re right. Who got me what?"
American Dad!
"Psst. Stan."
American Dad!
"I made it to the mall in time last night."
American Dad!
"Wow, a brand-new Glock."
American Dad!
"Wait. How,d you buy this last night?"
American Dad!
"Get up, Roger! What the hell's wrong with you?"
American Dad!
"I crashed in Roswell in,47. Thanks for finally asking."
American Dad!
"I know! When did they change it up?"
American Dad!
"Just get him something, Dad. He's so depressed."
American Dad!
"But now the liberals have decided that- Christmas is offensive."
American Dad!
"- Jane Fonda. - Jane Fonda."
American Dad!
"And those hippies would have worn themselves out dancing in the mud..."
American Dad!
"I am the Ghost of Christmas Past."
American Dad!
"Ah, look at you. basking in the love of your family."
American Dad!
"What? Hey, no, no, no! Dude, where are you going?"
American Dad!
"No, no. It's too steady."
American Dad!
"No. They really liked me, but they,re going with someone..."
American Dad!
"a little more flesh-colored with a nose."
American Dad!
"Give it up, loser."
American Dad!
"I,m not a loser!"
American Dad!
"This tape is from the future. But that's impossible!"
American Dad!
"so maybe I should open my mind a bit."
American Dad!
"I,m proud of you. Come on, bring it in."
American Dad!
"How could I have destroyed America?"
American Dad!
"Well, I don't know if I had said this yet..."
American Dad!
"- Hyah! Hyah! Time-travel me. - Yeah, that's not how it works."
American Dad!
"This is gonna be even bigger than the six other hits you,ve given me!"
American Dad!
"- Whoo! Whoo! - Oh, yeah. I like that."
American Dad!
"- How,d the record do? - Take me off speaker, Roger."
American Dad!
"No decorations, no pageants, no Santa."
American Dad!
"We,re having Christmas after all."
American Dad!
"That's- That's where my genitals are."
American Dad!
"- There's a seven-day waiting period. The Brady Bill. - Oh, you only shot Reagan."
American Dad!
"Which means john Hinckley never obsessed over her."
American Dad!
"No. Now let's do it again. And this time-"
American Dad!
"Howdy, pilgrim."
American Dad!
"- Is it 99 cents? - It's $1.07 with tax."
American Dad!
"Let's try not to leave our dirty fingerprints all over 1974."
American Dad!
"Hey, baby."
American Dad!
"Now don't look for a second."
American Dad!
"Great record-release party, Roger."
American Dad!
"It makes me high like one too. Maybe that's what it is."
American Dad!
"And he never tried to impress her by shooting President Reagan"
American Dad!
"- So I got you a little something, you know, for saving my butt. - Oh."
American Dad!
"But you,re never gonna win an Oscar hopped up on the dope."
American Dad!
"Or an American flag with Christmas trees for stars."
American Dad!
"Note to self: I like cake."
American Dad!
"Now get the hell off my lawn!"
American Dad!
"This is the best Christmas ever."
American Dad!
"You,re destined to be a great woman."
American Dad!
"Stan Smith, is this your idea of a good Christmas?"
American Dad!
"I think I know where he went. Be right with you."
American Dad!
"Ah, the lighting of the town Christmas tree."
American Dad!
"Nothing! Laugh it up, Ma!"
American Dad!
"- Gotcha. - Hey, suit guy, totally nude nudes."
American Dad!
""Best songs from 1974 to 1980...."
American Dad!
"Delightful."
American Dad!
"Run!"
American Dad!
"I guess that explains the statue."
American Dad!
"Okay? I burned that bridge when I left a little going-away present on my boss's desk. So-"
American Dad!
"President Reagan's inside."
American Dad!
"We did it!"
American Dad!
"But the most important part of Christmas is you and the kids."
American Dad!
"Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!"
American Dad!
"The greatest, baby."
American Dad!
"No, there is no Brady Bill. You can get a gun like that."
American Dad!