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Clips from American Dad! - The Best Christmas Story Never (S02E02)

"A face-down snow angel..."
American Dad!
"Oh, don't be so hard on yourself."
American Dad!
"Damn it, Roger! Get a hold of yourself!"
American Dad!
"Can I have everyone's attention? I,ve just been handed this injunction..."
American Dad!
"You,re gonna be left behind! You,re gonna be left-"
American Dad!
"Stan!"
American Dad!
"Post-rapture, feel free to use our pool."
American Dad!
"I need to be reminded of what Christmas is all about."
American Dad!
"Two teenagers sitting on an old man's lap as a midget snaps a picture."
American Dad!
"This year, Santa smelled like whiskey and the midget smelled like pot."
American Dad!
"- Happy holidays. - Just say, "Merry Christmas...."
American Dad!
"Today's liberals are yesterday's hippies."
American Dad!
"but, no, she had to revitalize their dying movement..."
American Dad!
"We,re just here to warn people about the Holiday Rapist."
American Dad!
"Yeah. They,ve asked us to call him the Holiday Rapist."
American Dad!
"What are you doing?"
American Dad!
"If I can't say it, I,m not gonna celebrate it."
American Dad!
"Daddy's breaking all the presents Chinese kids made for me."
American Dad!
"Holiday Rapist!"
American Dad!
"- This is where I grew up. - Yes, Stan."
American Dad!
"- And that happy little boy is you. - Whoa!"
American Dad!
"President Nixon is in the White House."
American Dad!
"You knew what Christmas was about back then, didn't you, Stan?"
American Dad!
"Stan?"
American Dad!
"I should have just married Chad."
American Dad!
"Alright. Ms. Fonda. Action!"
American Dad!
"You have to help me. I,m the Ghost of Christmas Past..."
American Dad!
"Um, we,re kind of in a hurry."
American Dad!
"Donald Sutherland?"
American Dad!
"Are you here to give Jane her massage?"
American Dad!
"Donald Sutherland!"
American Dad!
"Kathy Bates. I am Kathy Bates."
American Dad!
"Back of the line."
American Dad!
"So did you get that part on Ryan's Hope?"
American Dad!
"That lanky, Canadian, Kiefer-spawning bastard's going down."
American Dad!
"What the hell happened to our house?"
American Dad!
"What's a Soviet tank doing in America?"
American Dad!
"Stan Smith, you destroyed America!"
American Dad!
"Nothing. I went to the set of Klute. I gave Jane Fonda a massage."
American Dad!
"He must have lost to Mondalein '84"
American Dad!
"- Mr. Epstein, Clive Davis is here to see you."
American Dad!
"You,ve single-handedly created the disco revolution."
American Dad!
"- It's what I do, baby. - I mean, it's uncanny."
American Dad!
"It's like you,ve reached into the future to bring back hit after hit."
American Dad!
"Congratulations. You just made your first million."
American Dad!
"Cut!"
American Dad!
"- Come on, man. What's wrong now? - Why were you talking to the mirror?"
American Dad!
"even if it's just with his own reflection."
American Dad!
"- Hey, excuse me. How did you like the movie? - Eh."
American Dad!
"That's disgusting. She's 12."
American Dad!
"Come on. Come on. We can still fix this."
American Dad!
"Listen, Stan. I know you love Reagan."
American Dad!
"There's no way I,m shooting Reagan."
American Dad!
"The future depends on what you do now."
American Dad!
"- It's go time. - Are you sure you can do this?"
American Dad!
"You fixed everything."
American Dad!
"That's okay, beautiful. I already have everything I want."
American Dad!
"I got your Christmas right here."
American Dad!
"Ja,Ja, and you lost it all, and Clive Davis hogged your eight ball."
American Dad!
"We,ve heard it a million times. Get over it already!"
American Dad!
"Can you think of anything more American?"
American Dad!
"- An American flag? - Or-"
American Dad!
"Ooh! That would make a good cake."
American Dad!
"Well, isn't that cute? Roger's making a snow angel."
American Dad!
"in a pile of angel vomit."
American Dad!
"He's passed out, Mom. He's been binge drinking since Thanksgiving."
American Dad!
"Another year on this planet and I ha-haven't- I haven't accomplished squat!"
American Dad!
"Can't even drink myself to death."
American Dad!
"- You,ve only been here four years. - Try 60."
American Dad!
"- You,ve been here 60 years? - Yeah."
American Dad!
"Six decades of dragging my ass around this blue marble and what do I have to show for it?"
American Dad!
"You were right! I,m a loser!"
American Dad!
"Don't judge me, fatty!"
American Dad!
"You,re not going to spoil my Christmas."
American Dad!
"which means we have to cancel this function."
American Dad!
"- You,re rhyming again. - I know. I hear it. I,m trying not to."
American Dad!
"It says here that the square is public land..."
American Dad!
"and, therefore, isn't an appropriate place for religious icons."
American Dad!
"What?"
American Dad!
"We,re going to let the secularist nonbelievers..."
American Dad!
"dictate how we celebrate Jesus, birthday?"
American Dad!
"Actually, I kinda see their point. I mean, if you,re not Christian..."
American Dad!
"all this Christmas stuff might make you feel a little uncomfortable."
American Dad!
"Oh, I cannot wait for the rapture!"
American Dad!
"You,re gonna be left behind! You,re gonna be left behind!"
American Dad!
"You know, if it isn't boiling."
American Dad!
"Francine, I,m going to completely lose my Christmas cheer..."
American Dad!
"if I don't get someplace where they understand this holiday pronto."
American Dad!
"- We can stop by church. - I don't need to be bored, Francine."
American Dad!
"To the shopping mall!"
American Dad!
"Ah, this is more like it."
American Dad!
"If that doesn't commemorate our Savior's birth, I don't know what does."
American Dad!
"Stan, did you remember to get a gift for Roger?"
American Dad!
"Roger? He's not a Christian."
American Dad!
"You think he cares that 2,000 years ago our Lord and Savior was born in a "mangler...?"
American Dad!
"- I think you mean "manger.... - No, no. Honey, you,re thinking of"manager...."
American Dad!
"Fine."
American Dad!
"- One of your items, please. - How about this cassette?"
American Dad!
"- You ever think about changing the sign? - It's not really up to me."
American Dad!
"Well, merry Christmas."
American Dad!
"Happy holidays."
American Dad!
"I, uh, said "Merry Christmas...."
American Dad!
"- Management doesn't want us saying that. - Just say it!"
American Dad!
"Uh, I had a gun."
American Dad!
"Happy holidays!"
American Dad!
"I used to love Christmas."
American Dad!
"Someone's feelings could get hurt."
American Dad!
"You know who's to blame for this? Well, do you?"
American Dad!
"by going to North Vietnam and humanizing the enemy."
American Dad!
""I,m Hanoi Jane. Don't kill Communists."
American Dad!
"Look at my boobies...."
American Dad!
"That was the beginning of the end."
American Dad!
"Oh, here we go, Stan. Christmas carolers."
American Dad!
"- Welcome, ye gentle carolers. - Oh, we,re not here to sing."
American Dad!
"You mean the "Christmas Rapist.... The guy who strikes every year on Christmas."
American Dad!
"No. He's the Christmas Rapist. He rapes on Christmas. Is nothing sacred?"
American Dad!
"Christmas is dead!"
American Dad!
"Destroying your children's presents and terrifying Roger?"
American Dad!
"Is it over?"
American Dad!
"If anyone's ruined Christmas, it's you!"
American Dad!
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