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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Luminous Fish Effect (S01E01)

"Fine."
The Big Bang Theory
"We're traveling forward at-- Good Lord. --51 miles an hour."
The Big Bang Theory
"Let's assume that your brakes are new and the calipers are aligned."
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"By the time we come to a stop..."
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"...we'll be occupying the same space as that Buick."
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"An impossibility that nature will quickly resolve into death, mutilation and--"
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"Oh, look, they built a new putt-putt course."
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"This is great."
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"Look at me. I'm in the real world of ordinary people..."
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"...just living their ordinary, colorless, work-a-day lives."
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"- Thank you. - No, thank you."
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"And thank you, ordinary person."
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"Hey, you wanna hear an interesting thing about tomatoes?"
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"No. No, not really."
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"Listen, didn't you say you needed some eggs?"
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"Yes, but anyone who knows anything about bacterial growth..."
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"...knows to pick up their refrigerated foods on the way out."
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"Oh, okay, maybe you should start heading on out, then."
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"No, this is fun."
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"The thing about tomatoes, and I think you'll enjoy this..."
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"...is they're shelved with the vegetables, but they're technically a fruit."
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"- Hmm. Interesting. - lsn't it?"
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"Oh, boy."
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"What now?"
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"Well, there's some value to taking a multivitamin..."
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"What you're buying here are the ingredients for very expensive urine."
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"Well, maybe that's what I was going for."
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"Well, then you'll want some manganese."
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"Well, that was fun."
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"Tomorrow we can go to one of those warehouse stores."
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"It's gonna take me a while to recover from all the fun I had today."
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"Are you sure? There are a lot of advantages to buying in bulk."
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"For example, I noticed you purchase your tampons..."
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"...one month's supply at a time."
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"- What? - Well, think about it."
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"...and you're going to be needing them for at least the next 30 years."
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"You want me to buy 30 years' worth of tampons?"
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"Well, 30, 35--"
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"Oh, Penny."
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"This is a natural human process and we're talking about significant savings."
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"Now, if you assume 15 tampons per cycle in a 28-day cycle--"
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"Are you fairly regular?"
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"Okay, no warehouse store, but we're still on for putt-putt golf, right?"
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"Hey, I just ran into Penny. She seemed upset about something."
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"I think it's her time of the month."
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"I marked the calendar for future reference."
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"What's with the fish?"
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"It's an experiment."
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"- What happened to your egg research? - Oh, that was a dead end."
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"Scrambled eggs are as good as they're ever going to be."
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"So fish."
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"I read an article about scientists who inserted DNA from luminous jellyfish..."
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"...into other animals, and I thought, "Hey, fish nightlights.""
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"Fish nightlights."
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"It's a billion-dollar idea. Shhh!"
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"Mum's the word."
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"Are you sure you don't wanna just apologize to Gablehauser and get your job back?"
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"Oh, no, no, no. No, I have too much to do."
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"Like luminous fish."
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"- Shhh! - I'm sorry, I didn't...."
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"That's just the beginning."
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"Oh, glow-in-the-dark tampons."
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"Leonard, we're gonna be rich."
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"- Thanks for coming on such short notice. - You did the right thing calling."
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"Every day, he's got a new obsession."
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"This is a particularly disturbing one."
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"Mommy?"
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"Hi, baby."
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"You called my mother?"
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"Oh, you got yourself a loom. How nice."
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"- Thank you. - Honey, why did you get a loom?"
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"I was working with luminous fish and I thought, "Hey..."
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"...Ioom.""
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"Mom, what are you doing here?"
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"Leonard called me."
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"Because one of the great minds of the 21 st century..."
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"...is raising glow-in-the-dark fish and weaving serapes."
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"This is not a serape. This is a poncho."
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"A serape is open at the sides, a poncho is closed. This is a poncho."
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"And neither is a reason to call someone's mother."
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"Really? When was the last time you left the house?"
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"I went to the market with Penny."
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"Well, then, buckle up."
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"In the next four to eight days, she's going to get very crabby."
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"Yes, well, I'm not a child."
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"I'm a grown man capable of living my life as I see fit."
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"And I certainly don't need someone telling on me to my mother."
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"Wait, where are you going?"
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"To my room and no one's allowed in."
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"- He gets his temper from his daddy. - Ah."
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"- He's got my eyes. - I see."
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"All that science stuff, that comes from Jesus."
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"Sheldon, your mom made dinner."
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"I'm not hungry."
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"Oh. Leonard, don't trouble yourself. He's stubborn."
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"He may stay in there till the rapture."
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"Are we so sure that's a bad thing?"
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"I love the boy to death..."
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"Excuse me for being so bold..."
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"...but I now see where Sheldon gets his smoldering good looks."
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"Oh. Honey, that ain't gonna work, but you keep trying."
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"I made chicken."
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"I hope that isn't one of the animals that you people think is magic."
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"A Dr. Patel. It's a beautiful story."
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"The Lord spoke to him and moved him to give us all 20 percent off on LASEK."
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"You know, those that needed it."
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"That is a lovely story."
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"Are we gonna do anything about Sheldon?"
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"Oh, we will. You have to take your time with Sheldon."
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"His father, God rest his soul, used to say:"
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""Mary, you have to take your time with Sheldon.""
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"- Sounds like a wise man. - Oh, not so wise."
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"He once tried to fight a bobcat for some licorice."
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"So everybody grab a plate and a pretty placemat that Shelly wove."
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"Has Shelly ever freaked out like this before?"
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"Oh, all the time."
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"I remember one summer when he was 13..."
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"...he built a small nuclear reactor in the shed..."
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"...and told everybody he was gonna provide electricity for the town."
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"Well, the only problem was, he had no, what you call, fissionable materials."
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