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Clips from Scrubs - My Identity Crisis (S07E07)

"Elliot, ready."
Scrubs
"- That is a weird dream. - Yeah, I don't even like water parks."
Scrubs
"to go down the slide two seconds after me."
Scrubs
"Dude, the lifeguard told me to go."
Scrubs
"is his best friend's junk headed towards him at 40 miles per hour."
Scrubs
"I felt like I got pistol-whipped."
Scrubs
"Baby, dreams have nothing to do with reality."
Scrubs
"What? You guys know lzzy hates it down in day care."
Scrubs
"Why do you call these babies?"
Scrubs
"It could be that when I was a kid, I didn't have any toys."
Scrubs
"and draw little faces on them and name them."
Scrubs
"I went out to the side of the road and tried to sell them one time,"
Scrubs
"and when I came back home everyone was gone."
Scrubs
"You know how you and I don't talk so much?"
Scrubs
"I do."
Scrubs
"Sad for you."
Scrubs
"First spill of the day."
Scrubs
"You just can't seem to get along with anybody, can you?"
Scrubs
"Hey, what are you doing to that thing? It's fluffy."
Scrubs
"You see? I connect with them. Unlike you, I'm a man of the people."
Scrubs
"Looking bald and sweaty!"
Scrubs
"Putting my smile away and on with the day."
Scrubs
"- Speaking of healthy bones... - Perry..."
Scrubs
"I've got one in my pants. He's all yours."
Scrubs
"Why don't we go over this later? Thanks."
Scrubs
"What have you been doing all day?"
Scrubs
"Right up until this very moment, I'd been successfully avoiding you."
Scrubs
"I'm gonna leave you alone to celebrate."
Scrubs
"People, I expect full participation."
Scrubs
"- Oh, please. - Come on."
Scrubs
"Fine."
Scrubs
"I ran down here so I could do it twice."
Scrubs
"Izzy!"
Scrubs
"Baby, when I'm not around, do you only speak Spanish to lzzy?"
Scrubs
"Relax, Turk. I speak both to her."
Scrubs
"- All right, I gotta go to work. - Okay, say goodbye to Daddy."
Scrubs
"...before we put you down to bed."
Scrubs
"Forgot my keys!"
Scrubs
"just like her mommy used to do..."
Scrubs
"Well, the car's here. For some reason, it was a half an hour early."
Scrubs
"You know, you're gonna miss me more than I miss you."
Scrubs
"Oh, please. Underneath those four pounds of makeup"
Scrubs
"and quarter inch of synthetically-paralysed skin,"
Scrubs
"there is a frightened little drunk girl"
Scrubs
"This is you."
Scrubs
""Oh, Jordan, please come home. Please.""
Scrubs
"Bag! Bet you call me before I call you, you pathetic wuss."
Scrubs
"You're on."
Scrubs
"Alone for the weekend."
Scrubs
"- Turk, he said no. - But you told me..."
Scrubs
"I assumed he would say yes and..."
Scrubs
"I did not invite The Todd."
Scrubs
"Fellas, why you wearing such giant underwear?"
Scrubs
"Sometimes you just gotta say, "What the fudge?""
Scrubs
"- That's not the line. - I saw it on a plane."
Scrubs
"Why do you call them babies?"
Scrubs
"I like you, Shirley."
Scrubs
"that used to work here named Laverne."
Scrubs
"- Doesn't she? - No."
Scrubs
"You just got yourself a new nickname, missy."
Scrubs
"She's our little half-African, half-Latina princess."
Scrubs
"My mother taught me how important my heritage is."
Scrubs
"Just a matter of time before they rope me in."
Scrubs
"Plus, I want to take her to the homeland."
Scrubs
"Baby, you're from Chicago. Just get her a deep-dish pizza."
Scrubs
"Here it comes."
Scrubs
"And if you say, "Isn't that where I bought my wrinkle-free chinos,""
Scrubs
"I may kill you. Where are your ancestors from?"
Scrubs
"The motherland?"
Scrubs
"You don't even know."
Scrubs
"And now a gentle throat clear to let them know I'm ready to speak."
Scrubs
"- Go to hell, Bob. - I didn't even say anything."
Scrubs
"Kicking me under the table's not going to make me leave either."
Scrubs
"I did it. You talk too much."
Scrubs
"- We're cool. - You're just pissy because Jordan left."
Scrubs
"I mean, I'm in the same boat."
Scrubs
"Ever since I broke off my engagement, I live all alone in that big, empty house."
Scrubs
"Did she just call me Bob? I will kick her again."
Scrubs
"We're like the lonely hearts table."
Scrubs
"No, no, actually, that's the lonely hearts table."
Scrubs
"Okay, we'll never win the A Cappella-Palooza"
Scrubs
"performing like that."
Scrubs
"And if we don't win, there's no chance of us getting laid at the after-party."
Scrubs
"Tomorrow is my day off and I am joyous to have my place all to myself."
Scrubs
"You see, I'm a lot of things."
Scrubs
"Yes, I do love that Jimmy Buffet. Always have, always will."
Scrubs
"- A leg man. - A right bastard."
Scrubs
"Thank you, Bob. But I can assure you the one thing I am not is..."
Scrubs
"Audience participation is now over."
Scrubs
"The one thing I'm not is lonely. Capisce?"
Scrubs
"Hey, you should know"
Scrubs
"that new nurse hates the stupid nickname you gave her."
Scrubs
"Well, you might hate it now, Lavernagain."
Scrubs
"- Lavernagain. - You're such a man of the people,"
Scrubs
"do you even know anybody's real name?"
Scrubs
"Why do people keep hiding behind you?"
Scrubs
"Never got around to that? Okay."
Scrubs
"Colonel, I have to pass on you."
Scrubs
"I know it's just like Beardface, but not Beardface. What is it?"
Scrubs
"Oh, right."
Scrubs
"Beard Mouth."
Scrubs
"It's always surprising to learn how people close to you really feel."
Scrubs
"Hey, Perry. This doesn't count as me calling."
Scrubs
"I just wanted to tell you I've decided to stay here through the week."
Scrubs
"Bye."
Scrubs
"Of course, sometimes a phone call changes everything."
Scrubs
"The obvious way to beat loneliness is with the company of others."
Scrubs
"Hey, Tedski. Could I maybe help you here?"
Scrubs
"- That's a lot of files. - Really?"
Scrubs
"- Thanks. - No problemo."
Scrubs
"if you don't want others to see that you're vulnerable."
Scrubs
"So, I heard Jordan's staying away the whole week now."
Scrubs
"I turned her on to one sound-proofer so talented,"
Scrubs
"I'm going to text her that you said that."
Scrubs
"Goodness gracious, Ted. I'm sure sorry about that."
Scrubs
"They..."
Scrubs
"I need to look busy."
Scrubs
"- whatever. - Handsome."
Scrubs
"No."
Scrubs
"Well done, Dr John "I think I'm a man of the people"
Scrubs
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