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Clips from The Simpsons - The Cartridge Family (S09E09)

"- Oh. Sorry. Marge? - [Mayor Quimby] Vote Quimby."
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"Oh, Marge, there's so many things I wanna yell to you!"
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"Okay!"
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"Oh, honey, please come home. I need you."
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"It's dark in the house and I'm hungry and lonesome..."
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"and there's no one there to hear my various witty remarks."
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"- What about the gun? - It's gone for good, Marge."
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"I finally realized, what's the point of having a gun for protection..."
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"Oh, Homie."
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"Okeydoke. Here's your bill..."
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"and your continental breakfast."
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"[Coughing]"
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"You, give me the cash drawer."
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"Do what he says. I'm too rich to die."
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"- Vote Quimby! - Okay, man. Don't shoot. Chill."
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"Homer, you said you got rid of the gun! You lied to me again!"
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"- I know I said that, but what I secretly meant was- - Yoink!"
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"The joke's on you, buddy. There's no bullets in that thing."
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"- [Rattling] - [Laughing]"
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"Yo, give me the bullets."
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"Bye!"
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"How did you know we were being robbed?"
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"The clerk here pressed the silent alarm, and we picked it up on our scanner."
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"- Did anyone stop that robber? - No, I don't think so."
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"I'm sorry I lied to you, Marge..."
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"but this gun had a hold on me."
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"I felt this incredible surge of power..."
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"like God must feel when he's holding a gun."
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"So please, get rid of it, because I know I'll just lie to you again and again."
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"Hmm!"
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"- [Murmuring] - Shh!"
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"##[Chorus Singing]"
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"[Whistle Blowing]"
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"[Beeping]"
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"## [Jazzy Solo]"
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"D'oh! [Screams]"
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"Open wide for some soccer!"
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"## [Theme]"
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"[Male Announcer] The Continental Soccer Association..."
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"is coming to Springfield!"
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"And ties? You bet!"
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"I don't know."
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"[Announcer] You'll see all your favorite soccer stars..."
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"Bariaga, Aruglia, and Pizzoza!"
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"Oh, I never heard of those people."
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"- And they'll all be signing autographs! - Whoo-hoo!"
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"[Together] Can we go, Dad? Please, Dad? Please, Dad? Can we go?"
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"- Huh? Huh? Please? - Yes! Yes! Oh, God, yes!"
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"Oh, I'll kill myself if Portugal doesn't win."
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"To be king of your kitchen, use Crestfield Wax Paper."
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"[Cheering, Shouting]"
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"[Man] Kick it over here!"
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"[Cheering, Shouting Fades]"
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"Boring!"
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"Come on, you schnorrers! Do something!"
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"Halfback passes to the center."
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"Back to the wing. Back to the center."
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"Center holds it. Holds it."
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"Halfback passes to center! Back to wing!"
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"Back to center! Center holds it! Holds it! Holds it!"
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"I can't bear this any longer. I'm leaving!"
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"Yeah, not before me you ain't."
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"Now, now, there's plenty of exits for everyone."
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"- Hey, now, that's uncalled for. - Shut your hole, Skinner!"
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"[Gasping, Shouting]"
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"You call this a soccer riot?"
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"Homer, we've got to get out of here!"
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"Oh! But I wanna do some rioting."
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"[Siren Wailing]"
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"What began as a traditional soccer riot..."
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"Reacting swiftly, Mayor Quimby has declared mob rule."
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"So for the next several years, it's every family for itself!"
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"Ex-Ex-Excuse me, sir."
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"I think you've got my TV. Sir?"
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"Somebody's gotta stop them!"
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"Let's wait until they burn the school down."
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"If someone tries to get in here, my burglar alarm will let us know."
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"- [Gasps] - Watch the fish, Marge."
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"Looks like you called me just in time."
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"- This home isn't secure at all. - What did I tell you, Marge?"
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"Intruders could come in down the chimney, through the mail slot..."
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"even hidden in your groceries."
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"Did you change the locks when you moved in? I thought not."
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"All the previous owners of this house could still be in here somewhere."
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"What do you recommend?"
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"Well, a lot of companies would put in a pretty system that looks good..."
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"but doesn't provide any real protection."
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"- Oh, let's get that! - But if you really wanna sleep easy at night..."
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"I recommend sealing off every door and window with bulletproof Lucite."
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"Wouldrt we all suffocate?"
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"- Well, I should hope not. - Let's get that, the suffocation thing."
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"And you can have it all for just $500."
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"$500? Aw, forget it."
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"But surely you can't put a price on your family's lives."
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"I wouldn't have thought so either, but here we are."
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"Homer, we need something to protect this family."
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"I couldn't agree more, Marjorie. You deserve peace of mind..."
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"I'd like to buy your deadliest gun, please."
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"Hmm. Mm-hmm."
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"- Mmm! - Whoa!"
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"- Careful there, Annie Oakley. - I don't have to be careful. I got a gun."
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"Well, you'll probably want the accessory kit."
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"- Holster. - Oh, yeah."
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"- Silencer. - Mm-hmm."
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"- Speed-cocker. - Ooh! I like the sound of that."
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"And this is for shooting down police helicopters."
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"- Just give me my gun. - Sorry. The law requires a five-day waiting period."
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"We've got to run a background check."
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"Five days? But I'm mad now!"
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"- [Grunts] - I'd kill you if I had my gun!"
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"Yeah, well, you don't."
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"Lousy big shot. Thinks he's so big 'cause he's got a lot of guns."
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"If he didn't have any guns, I'd show him a thing or two."
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"What happens when he walks into my store?"
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"Then we'll see who's worried about five-day waiting periods."
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"Dad, it's 3:00 a.m.!"
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"Can't you mutter in your room?"
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"- Marge kicked me out. - [Groans]"
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"All right. Go ahead."
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"Pushy kids think they can tell me what to do in my house."
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