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Clips from The Simpsons - The Cartridge Family (S09E09)

"I tell you, parents these days, they don't know how to rear children."
The Simpsons
"Oh! How am I supposed to last five days without shooting something?"
The Simpsons
"##[Rock]"
The Simpsons
"[Gasping] Come on! Come on!"
The Simpsons
"Ah, that's the stuff."
The Simpsons
"[Toilet Flushing]"
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"- Now, I believe you have some sort of firearm for me. - Well, let's see here."
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"According to your background check, you've been in a mental institution."
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"- Yeah. - Frequent problems with alcohol."
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"- "Potentially dangerous"? - Relax."
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"- That just limits you to three handguns or less. - Whoo-hoo!"
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"Close your eyes, Marge."
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"- I've got a surprise for you. - Mmm!"
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"Okay, open your eyes."
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"- [Screams] - It's a handgun. Isn't it great?"
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"Homer, I don't want guns in my house!"
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"That would have made a lot more sense."
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"Dad, can I borrow the gun tomorrow? I wanna scare that old security guard at the bank."
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"- Only if you clean your room. - [Groans]"
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"- No! No one's using this gun. - [Whimpering]"
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"TV said that?"
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"But I have to have a gun. It's in the Constitution."
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"Dad, the Second Amendment is just a remnant from revolutionary days."
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"It has no meaning today."
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"You couldn't be more wrong, Lisa."
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"If I didn't have this gun, the king of England..."
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"could just walk in here anytime he wants and start shoving you around."
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"Do you want that? Huh?"
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"- All right, then. - I'm sorry, Homer. No weapons."
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"A gun is not a weapon, Marge!"
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"It's a tool, like a butcher knife or a harpoon..."
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"or, uh, an alligator."
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"You just need more education on the subject."
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"Tell you what. You come with me to an N.R.A. meeting..."
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"[Beeping]"
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"[Beeping Stops]"
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"Assault weapons have gotten a lot of bad press lately..."
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"but they're manufactured for a reason-"
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"to take out today's modern super animals..."
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"such as the flying squirrel and the electric eel."
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"- Learning something, Marge? - [Groans]"
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"Uh, hi. I'm Moe S."
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"Yeah, so last night, I was closing up the bar..."
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"when some young punk comes in and tries to stick me up."
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"- [All Gasping] - Whatever did you do, Moe?"
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"Well, it could've been a real ugly situation..."
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"but I managed to shoot him in the spine."
The Simpsons
"[Applause]"
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"Yeah, I guess the next place he robs better have a ramp."
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"Hi. I'm Homer S."
The Simpsons
"- [All] Hi, Homer! - Hi."
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"It seems to me if a gun can protect something as important as a bar..."
The Simpsons
"So if you'll have me, I would like to become..."
The Simpsons
"a lifetime member of your wonderful organization."
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"Oh, come on. Be fair, Marge."
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"For once in your life, be fair!"
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"[Groans]"
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"- Sorry! - My fault."
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"## [Whistling]"
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"[Gasps] Don't shoot. Just take the money and get out."
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"What? Oh, Apu, I would never-"
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"Or would I?"
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"[Thinking] I've already gone this far."
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"I'll do it. I'll rob the Kwik-E-Mart."
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"All right, put your- D'oh!"
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"Oh, well, I'll rob it next time."
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"- You want me to get the cat down? - No, thanks."
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"Rull!"
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"Does anyone know where all my dinner plates went?"
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"- Um- - You probably left 'em at work."
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"On another topic, guess who was picked to host the next N.R.A. get-together?"
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"It's the same table!"
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"[Bell Ringing]"
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"[All Sighing]"
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"Oh, that's it. You're dead, pal!"
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"has escalated into a citywide orgy of destruction."
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"- Oh, my God! Homer, they're right next door. - Relax, Marge."
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"[Rattling]"
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"This is the trigger, and this is the thing you point at whatever you want to die."
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"[All] Hi, Moe!"
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"I wonder what my life would be like if I robbed the Kwik-E-Mart."
The Simpsons
"Sure thing, honey."
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"- Homer, I told you this morning, no guns at the dinner table. - You said the breakfast table."
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"You lied to me!"
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"your gun or your family..."
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"- Yeah, but- - Hey, yutz. Guns aren't toys."
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"- Your membership card please, Homer. - Oh!"
The Simpsons
"I'd like to order a wake-up call, please."
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"if you've got no one to protect?"
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"Come on, kids. We're goir home."
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"[Tires Screeching]"
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"Yo, paella man, wing one up here!"
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"- ##[Fanfare] - [Cheering]"
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"Mmm, not right now, dear."
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"Freeze, bad guy!"
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"This match will determine once and for all..."
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"- See you in hell, dinner plate. - [Gunshot]"
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"- [Grunts] Jobbers cobknots, ya mucker! - All done."
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"[Women Gasping, Giggling]"
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"Watch me turn on the TV."
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"please, please get rid of the gun."
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"- Sorry. - [Marge] Down here, Homer!"
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"[Together] Yea!"
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"- Okay. Don't shoot! - [All] Drop it!"
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"-"
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"It's all here- fast kickir, low scorir."
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"It's hard to believe this used to be an internment camp."
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"- ##[Fanfare] - [Whistle Blowing]"
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"- Come on, boys. Let's take 'em to school! - Oi! Oi! Oi!"
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"- Don't you remember when Maggie shot Mr. Burns? - I thought Smithers did it."
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"The TV said you're 58% more likely to shoot a family member than an intruder."
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"Homer, you can't join up with these gun nuts."
The Simpsons
"[Explosion]"
The Simpsons