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Clips from The Office - Crime Aid (S05E05)

"Hell, yeah."
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"Okay. So, we do the restaurant thing"
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"Probably get soup, or something light."
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"Hi."
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"Pasteurized milk, sheets, monotheism."
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"Presents on your birthday, preventative medicine."
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"I was talking to myself. Okay."
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"Angela's not really a risk taker"
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"(SOBBING) No, it's lettuce."
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"Oh, okay. No."
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"Reservations are at 8:00 so we've got an hour and 45 minutes."
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"(NASAL VOICE) Crazy eight! I'm crazy!"
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"Do you need them? Yeah, let's go grab them."
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"All right."
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"MICHAEL: Oh!"
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"(KISSING)"
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"(SOFTLY) I just didn't want to make out with you in front of the cameras."
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"Do you think they can hear us?"
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"Not if we turn these dials all the way down."
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"(VOLUME INCREASES)"
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"Now they can't hear us at all. Oh, good."
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"We're totally alone."
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"ANGELA: Yes, that's correct."
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"Great, they stole my laptop."
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"Yeah, well, they stole my surge protector."
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"How does that even compare?"
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"Oh, my God. What happened?"
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"Bravo, Watson."
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"Okay, security tapes were stolen."
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"Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah."
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"That wasrt us, right? I mean, you remembered to lock the doors?"
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"Oh, no! Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh, no."
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"So much for sex without consequences."
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"PAM: (ON PHONE) You are such a dork. Shot!"
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"(CHUCKLES) That's bad. So, apparently, Pam went out last night"
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"and accidentally called my work phone at three in the morning."
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"So... I am not drunk."
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"Yeah? Yeah."
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"(SINGING) Consider yourself at home"
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"Where are we going?"
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"I know she loves me, Phyllis. I am sure of it."
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"Then you need to give her an ultimatum."
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"Tell her she needs to make a choice. You or Andy."
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"If she picks you, great. If not, you can move on."
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"Are you sure that's going to work?"
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"Wait, this isn't our floor. Dwight!"
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"How's everyone doing?"
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"My door is always open if anyone wants to talk."
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"Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away it."
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"The last person to do this disappeared."
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"I'm calling it Crime Aid. It's like Farm Aid,"
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"but instead of farms fighting against AIDS,"
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"it is us, fighting against our own poverty."
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"I think it's a fun idea. Thank you!"
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"like cleaning or tennis lessons. My sorority did it all the time."
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"Okay. I'm going to have to stop you right there."
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"so you had to kind of form your own?"
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"Okay, well, come on! Let's have an auction! Let's do this!"
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"We'll auction off people, like in the olden days."
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"So, in order to recoup the value of items we liked,"
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"we have to spend more money on things we don't want."
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"Who would ever come to this? MICHAEL: I don't know."
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"It could be any number of people. It could be a pedestrian."
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"It could be an old person. It could be a lookie loo."
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"Or it could be a Bruce Springsteen fan. What?"
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"Who said that? I did. Why did I say that?"
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"Oh, I think you know why I said that."
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"I think it is very apparent. I think it goes without saying..."
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""But what is the point? I don't understand what he's saying."
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""It seems a little shady. It seems a little foggy.""
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"Well, it's not a little foggy. There's really something going on here."
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"Do you need us for any of this? Do I?"
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"HOLLY: Michael scored the big-ticket item. Springsteen tickets."
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"The boss scored The Boss."
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"Yeah, I think that's pretty boss."
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"(SNICKERS) He knows how to get things. He got me."
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"Whoa! (CHUCKLES) Sorry."
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"Right?"
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"Listen to me close, 'cause I'm only going to say this once."
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"or you can say goodbye to this."
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"I think you have me confused with another person."
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"6:14! I heard you!"
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"Gonna have fun! Yeah!"
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"(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)"
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"I'll rock and roll you. Thank you very much, everybody."
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"Thank you, Mr. Springsteen!"
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"(MUSIC STOPS) And welcome to Crime Aid."
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""Crime reduces innocence, makes everyone angry, I declare.""
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"However, tonight, its victims are standing together"
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"cooking lessons and hugs."
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"Really, Phyllis, you're auctioning a hug?"
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"Okay, so with no further ado, lights, camera, auction!"
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"(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)"
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"Three of them were Huey Lewis and the News,"
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"Our first item up for bids tonight"
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"is something I consider to be very boss indeed."
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"Yoga! I'd like to start the bidding off at $300."
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"$300! Do I hear $300? $300."
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"$300, $300. Anybody, $300?"
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"Do I see somebody in the back? Is there somebody in the back?"
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"Do I see somebody in the back? $400! $450."
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"Let's hear it for me, right?"
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"(PEOPLE CLAPPING)"
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"A bargain at any price."
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"DARRYL: Hey, Mike, do my thing."
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"Oh, yes, great, very good."
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"So, Darryl and the boys in the hood in the warehouse"
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"have graciously donated to "go out for a beer with them right now.""
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"because this is something that I've dreamt of."
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"$5! Sold to Jim!"
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"Well, this next item is sure to spring steam"
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"from your ears if you don't win it."
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"Another round, boys?"
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"Hey, man."
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"Relax, man. I'm not going to hit you. Oh, I wouldn't..."
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"You good? I'm good. How you doing?"
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"ROY: Hey, Darryl. What's happening?"
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"DARRYL: What's up? How's it going, man?"
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"I'll do your taxes."
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"Let's hear an opening bid, everybody. Who's first? Kevin doing your taxes."
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