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Clips from Chappelle's Show - Episode #1.3 (S01E01)

"Chappelle's Show."
Chappelle's Show
"Let's start the show."
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"Oh, be comfortable, relax, everyone."
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"all these opportunities just open up."
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"QVC, I don't know if you watch it."
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"Now, I almost did it."
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"They just nasty people."
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"Now, not only is this watch attractive,"
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"Uh, Ron, uh, I think you have a booger on your hand."
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"to our next product."
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"that one of our models, Tammy, is modeling."
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"It's not genital herpes, it's just a cold sore!"
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"I don't know where they get them models from."
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"Now, this next one..."
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"this one made me actually wanna spit up."
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"This is a beautiful bikini on Bonnie."
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"That just looks so nasty, doesn't it?"
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"Would you run?"
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"We all have our faults, you know."
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"(narrator) 25 years ago,"
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"considered one of the most important films in history."
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"For the very first time."
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"Oh!"
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"Damn!"
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"The Roots 25th anniversary commemorative edition on DVD."
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"Don't go anywhere."
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"Did you know that?"
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"look at 'em, talking and laughing together.""
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"'cause it was a reality show."
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"You know, one of them hidden camera shows,"
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"like Totally Hidden Video or something like this."
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"I didn't wanna hit 'em soft."
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"Mine was supposed to be hard and real!"
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"There's a new video prankster in town,"
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"that your parents are dead."
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"(children crying)"
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"I would."
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"Psych!"
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"Damn it, how could you do this to me?"
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"You've wasted eight years of my life!"
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"Jeez, Julie, why don't you just fuck JJ.?"
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"While we're on the subject,"
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"I've been sleeping with my secretary"
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"for the last three and a half years."
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"Dave Chappelle, you have ruined my life!"
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"got me in a lot more trouble."
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"Zapped!"
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"You think it's a fuckin' game?"
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"I eat cottage cheese for dinner, all right?"
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"Look, we just doing a show..."
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"Damn, I got hit!"
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"I didn't have nothing to do with that."
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"Thursdays at 8:30."
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"Mammy."
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"Fuck that frog."
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"They don't be doing that on white networks."
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"As soon as a black network..."
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"Hey, don't go anywhere, we'll be right back,"
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"with more of this Chappelle's Show."
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"(applauding)"
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"'cause you never know who might be likin' 'em."
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"Oh, you know the old adage: Big boobs, bad back."
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"(beating drums)"
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"(man) Look at that lady."
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"It's not okay!"
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"Ow."
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"Follow me."
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"He's always slobbering over me."
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"Them boobies is gone, girl, just like you wished for."
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"How did it go?"
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"So, should I tell her she's not getting the promotion?"
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"Oh, I'm on it."
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"Oh, are guys really like that?"
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"(Sheila) Hey, look, it's Paul."
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"Hey, buddy, I have a painting I need to hang up in my bedroom,"
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"(jingling)"
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"but my black ass got 20/20 vision."
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"Oh, my gosh, Sheila, you are right."
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"Women, the fairer sex,"
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"they would never ever judge another woman"
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"by the size of her boobies, now would they?"
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"Hey, wait, those are my friends."
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"especially at a wedding."
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"I had no idea these things were so important."
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"(ringing alarm)"
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"was all he had to live for."
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"Once you took that away,"
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"No, no, no!"
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"But where would I find a titty from?"
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"I don't... well, hey, it's Sheila!"
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"I've got humongoid knockers, and I'm proud of them."
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"Angel?"
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"I was gonna ask you how you was following me."
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"All right, everybody, we'll take a quick commercial break"
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"so you guys can throw up or do whatever you have to do,"
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"and then we'll be back with more Chappelle's Show."
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"Man, I'm bored."
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"To my audience here and my audience at home,"
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"Hi, thank you."
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"Ain't dying for no damn WB."
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"Chappelle's Show. Chappelle's Show."
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"Chappelle's Show."
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"Chappelle's Show."
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"Ow."
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"Woo-hoo hoo."
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"Woo hoo."
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"Yeah, yeah."
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"Damn, that was nice."
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"Make ya feel good having your own TV show."
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"That's a good thing, man, you have your own show,"
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"The only reason I didn't do it"
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"as much as I just don't like the way"
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"They're just gross, man."
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"Look at this, it's disgusting."
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"Okay!"
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"I am being told our napkin ring bonanza is over,"
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"we are totally sold out!"
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"Now, Ron, you are actually wearing our next product,"
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"a beautiful Timeco gold wristwatch."
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"I am, Jessica!"
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