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Clips from New Girl - Neighbors (S02E02)

"Hey, Mr. Belvedere, there's two guys outside..."
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"...with a giant box that's got "Happy Birthday" written all over it."
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"Just wanted to give you a heads-up..."
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"...we're having some people over to hang and it might get a little loud."
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"Well, it's just going to be a bunch of young people."
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"[SINGING] Who's that girl? CHORUS: Who's that girl?"
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"...he must have meant, "You," meaning me..."
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"Not only am I the youngest person in this loft, I'm also the most successful."
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"Pesach Pan."
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"SCHMIDT: Cool. - I'll just put these in..."
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"NICK: Thanks for having us."
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"SCHMIDT: Party, hip-hop, what's going on, kids? Let's party."
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"Unbelievable that he dies in a few scenes."
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"- That's how she casseroles. BRORIE: What?"
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"[IMITATES MICHELLE TANNER] How rude!"
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"JESS: They think I made those up."
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"- Because I am. - You're the worst at pranks in the whole world."
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"I try on four different pairs of shoes with every outfit, rain or shine. You know that."
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"Thank you."
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"It's because I care so much."
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"Constipated. I'm constipated."
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"- Use your legs, buddy. Don't hurt your back. - Let me show you something."
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"There was a button that said "on.""
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"[CELL PHONES BEEP]"
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"[JESS SCOFFS]"
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"[KNOCKING ON DOOR]"
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"Jess."
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"We don't care if you stole your catchphrase from some low-budget web series."
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"- I thought he died. - Let's get out before his robe opens."
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"SCHMIDT: Thank you."
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"You'll never see it coming."
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"- Winston? - Get some."
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"- There it is. - Hey, guys."
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"Pay up, gentlemen. She's sitting on the couch."
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"TGIF marathon on tonight."
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"- What? - I can't take this anymore."
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"What is happening?"
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"- I've actually been working on something. - A résumé, maybe?"
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"[CHUCKLES]"
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"[IMITATES URKEL] Did I do that?"
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"Did you say you were "working" on that?"
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"[IN NORMAL VOICE] It's Urkel! - Urkel?"
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"[JESS LAUGHS]"
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"- Urkel, Jess? - It's funny."
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"It is perfectly fine to watch TV all day."
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"- No, it is not. - But Urkel?"
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"- Come on. - Not even in my darkest moments did I do Urkel."
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"Guys, that's crazy. This is objectively hilarious."
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"I can do any character from an '80s sitcom. Quiz me."
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"- No. [IMITATES WILLIE TANNER] Oh, ALF!"
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"Don't eat the cat!"
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"[IMITATES BALKI] Get out of the city, cousin Larry Appleton!"
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"[IMITATES FRASIER] I'm Frasier Crane. - No!"
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"The men in suits here, the professionals..."
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"...want to know what the plan is. - I'm a professional too."
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"Please. You work in a bar. It's a whole different thing."
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"[IN NORMAL VOICE] I don't know what the plan is, Schmidt."
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"But I love working at the Casserole Shanty."
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"Today I got a locker and in 18 months I'm gonna roll into some sweet dental coverage."
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"So yeah, my job pretty much rules."
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"Low on bean! Low on bean! I repeat, I'm low on bean!"
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"I'm good on bean!"
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"Would you like to know what I did at my job?"
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"- "Crushed it." - I'm gonna go with "crushed it.""
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"Funny enough, uh, I crushed it."
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"I crushed it all day today, then I crushed it some more, and then it asked me..."
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"...what I was doing and I told it that I was crushing it."
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"That's what I do on a daily basis, Jess."
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"You used to inspire me. I mean, not specifically..."
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"...because I find teaching to be icky but..."
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"You know, in a vague kind of "Look at that go-getter in a brightly-colored sweater" way."
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"What happened to the inspiring, visor-less Jess?"
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"[KNOCKING ON DOOR]"
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"Hey, maybe that's her."
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"Hey, we just moved in across the hall."
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"I'm Chaz. This is Fife, Sutton and Brorie."
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"What's up? Schmidt."
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"Like where your head's at. We'll be there with bells on."
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"Dollar, dollar bells, y'all!"
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"[CHUCKLES]"
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"- So... JESS: Hi."
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"I live here too. What are your names...? Schmidt!"
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"It's Jess"
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"So when he said, "It's just gonna be a bunch of young people"..."
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"..."fellow young person, will feel right at home..."
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"...and you two walking corpses..."
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"...stay away." - You're six months younger than me, Schmidt."
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"WINSTON: You're a corpse for sure. - Behold."
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"This actuarial table stops at age 99..."
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"...but if you track my current trajectory, I'm clearly gonna live till I'm 123 years old."
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"So hello, robot sex."
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"- Is this accurate? - No, no, no, Winston."
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"I spend 49.95 a month on a subscription to an inaccurate real-time actuarial service."
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"- I think I may have died four years ago. NICK: Oh, yeah? That sucks."
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"African American male, life expectancy..."
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"...67 years? - Sounds about right."
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"Minus one year if you frequently question your career choice. Check."
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"Minus one year if your chosen field offers few opportunities for advancement. Check."
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"- Double check. NICK: I like getting older."
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"I feel like I'm finally aging into my personality."
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"Keep this crap out of my yard!"
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"[ICE CREAM TRUCK PLAYING MELODY]"
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"And turn that nonsense down!"
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"I used that Frisbee as a dish. Heh-heh-heh."
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"JESS: Seriously? - I use it for pistachios in my room."
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"JESS: Ugh. Shut up. - Are you measuring yourself like a little boy?"
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"Sorry you're not growing anymore like me. Apparently I'll be growing forever."
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"Like a Jewish Peter Pan. Petya Pan. Peiter Pan."
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"Take it down a notch before this old man takes you out, makes you pick a switch."
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"I'm like Snow Leopard. You guys are like DOS."
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"As your elder, can I give you a little advice?"
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"SCHMIDT: Sure. NICK: You've kind of gotten under my skin."
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"Shoot, Gran Torino."
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"I'm gonna die so soon."
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"Do you think the neighbors will want four individual casseroles..."
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"...or one large party-size casserole?"
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"Yes, Jess, that's exactly what hip, trendy millennials want to eat: Casserole."
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"Come on, guys, just tighten up, all right? Think young. What the hell is that smell?"
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"- It's Old Spice. - Old Spice?"
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"Yes, it has "old" in the title, and yes, it's all over my body."
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