Loading...
You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from M*A*S*H - Sticky Wicket (S01E01)

"Well,what should I tell her, sir?"
M*A*S*H
"You go right to Major Houlihan, you set yourjaw firmly..."
M*A*S*H
"Yes, sir."
M*A*S*H
"Colonel Blake wants to see you in his office right away."
M*A*S*H
"Tell him I died and didn‘t leave a forwarding address."
M*A*S*H
"— Hawkeye. — Would you——"
M*A*S*H
"So typical."
M*A*S*H
"You woke me out ofone ofthe sexiest dreams ofall time to discuss morale?"
M*A*S*H
"Pierce, morale is important."
M*A*S*H
"We don‘t have any because ofyour disruptive infiuence."
M*A*S*H
"The idea of reporting to your commanding officer wearing nothing but a robe."
M*A*S*H
"Would you like me to take it off?"
M*A*S*H
"Pierce, that ruckus you had with Frank..."
M*A*S*H
"So what? Everybody already knows about old butterfingers. That‘s not news."
M*A*S*H
"And I‘ll file a countercomplaint against Burns‘ impersonating a surgeon..."
M*A*S*H
"and masquerading as a human being."
M*A*S*H
"— He‘s impossible. — See? Even she agrees."
M*A*S*H
"He wants you to apologize."
M*A*S*H
"In public—— the wayyou insulted him."
M*A*S*H
"Like, “I‘m sorry, Frank. You‘re a great guy and a fine surgeon”?"
M*A*S*H
"— Pierce—— — People have to be warned..."
M*A*S*H
"that Frank Burns is dangerous with sharp instruments, like scalpels and probes."
M*A*S*H
"Pierce, listen. There is a war on."
M*A*S*H
"Nothing gets byyou, Henry."
M*A*S*H
"See you in the funny papers."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, boy. This kid needs more than a new set of plugs. Look at that."
M*A*S*H
"What‘s the score,john?"
M*A*S*H
"Well, he‘s doing pretty well, considering what you‘re doing to him."
M*A*S*H
"Anterior vertebral body is fractured."
M*A*S*H
"— I‘m gonna go in after that big fragment. Forceps. — Forceps."
M*A*S*H
"Do you think he‘ll be paralyzed?"
M*A*S*H
"There we are, folks."
M*A*S*H
"- “Made in USA.“ — You‘rejoking."
M*A*S*H
"— Multiple fragment wounds, lacerated iliac artery. — So what‘s his problem?"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, he has a fever, abdominal pain,"
M*A*S*H
"urinary output 50 cc‘s an hour."
M*A*S*H
"Pulse rate, 1 12. Blood pressure, 110 over 70."
M*A*S*H
"— Hey. —This is Dr. Pierce. He operated on you."
M*A*S*H
"— Hi, Doc. — How‘s it going?"
M*A*S*H
"— Lousy. —We|l, that figures. You were on the table a long time."
M*A*S*H
"My gut hurts."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah. Yeah. I‘ll be right back."
M*A*S*H
"Don‘t run offand reenlist."
M*A*S*H
"— What‘s his temperature? — Hundred and one."
M*A*S*H
"— Oh, terrific. — Hey, how about a little golf this afternoon?"
M*A*S*H
"After the mortar barrage last night, we got a 1 9th and 20th hole."
M*A*S*H
"No, I can‘t. Start him on W. penicillin."
M*A*S*H
"—He may be developing a wound infection. —Right."
M*A*S*H
"And |, uh, wanna get a blood count, so bring me the tubes right away, okay?"
M*A*S*H
"I removed a large fragment near his spinal cord."
M*A*S*H
"Hmm. Penetrate the dura?"
M*A*S*H
"No, no. And no sign of paralysis."
M*A*S*H
"Hmm. So what‘s the problem?"
M*A*S*H
"Well, he‘s got a temperature ofa hundred and one."
M*A*S*H
"Well, that could bejust a normal postoperative reaction."
M*A*S*H
"— See you at the movies later? —What‘s playing?"
M*A*S*H
"Bride of the Gorilla and Bonzo Goes to College."
M*A*S*H
"—| thinkl‘ll wait for the books to come out. — Okay, it‘s your loss."
M*A*S*H
"Hey. Good luck with the kid."
M*A*S*H
"[ Trapper] How’s the chicken, Radar .7"
M*A*S*H
"I think the same people who make the camoufiage make the gravy."
M*A*S*H
"Hey, how‘s Thompson?"
M*A*S*H
"Still downhill."
M*A*S*H
"White blood count 18,000. Temperature upto 102."
M*A*S*H
"Isn‘t Thompson the boy we worked on together?"
M*A*S*H
"— He‘s falling apart on me. —I can‘t believe it. |just can‘t believe it."
M*A*S*H
"— Keep out ofthis, Frank. — Well, what went wrong, Super Surgeon?"
M*A*S*H
"Hey, Frank, why don ’t you let that cut under your nose heal .7"
M*A*S*H
"Why not give us the whole story?"
M*A*S*H
"— Put a lid on it, Frank. — Was it something you did or something you didn‘t do..."
M*A*S*H
"or something you forgot to do or, uh——"
M*A*S*H
"— Get offme! — Last night I was Mr. Screwup, remember?"
M*A*S*H
"Dr. Screwup. And it still goes."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, really?"
M*A*S*H
"— [Hot Lips]5top it !5top it! — [Crashing]"
M*A*S*H
"Stop it!"
M*A*S*H
"- I‘ll kill him! —You‘ll have to kill me first."
M*A*S*H
"That‘s the best offer I‘ve had today."
M*A*S*H
"— No such luck. — You fell asleep."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, patients. Well, how he‘s doing?"
M*A*S*H
"Last night‘s box score."
M*A*S*H
"All right, same orders, Lieutenant."
M*A*S*H
"— Mm—hmm. — No change."
M*A*S*H
"— How‘s Thompson? — Is that the only question anyone can ask me?"
M*A*S*H
"Well, what‘s wrong with that?"
M*A*S*H
"It reminds me that I‘m nowhere with that case, and it‘s driving me buggy."
M*A*S*H
"—I don‘t think so. — You‘re no fun at all."
M*A*S*H
"Go shower with the nurses!"
M*A*S*H
"— I‘ll check to the ace—king. — Likewise."
M*A*S*H
"Five dollars."
M*A*S*H
"I‘m out."
M*A*S*H
"I call."
M*A*S*H
"How much can I bet?"
M*A*S*H
"Last card. Twenty bucks."
M*A*S*H
"Well, if| can only bet 20 bucks——"
M*A*S*H
"Take it."
M*A*S*H
"— What did you have? —I don‘t have to tell."
M*A*S*H
"How would you like to donate a pint of blood through the nose?"
M*A*S*H
"— You didn‘t have a pair or a straight or anything? — No."
M*A*S*H
"I threw away two tens! Who taught you to play poker?"
M*A*S*H
"You did!"
M*A*S*H
"Don‘t thinkyou‘re going home when the war‘s over,"
M*A*S*H
"‘cause you and I are staying right here in Korea until I get even."
M*A*S*H
"Why don‘t you do what you‘re doing somewhere else?"
M*A*S*H
"Well, you can do that anywhere, can‘t ya?"
M*A*S*H
"—[Radar]Sir? —Hmm?"
M*A*S*H
"No, it‘s Radar, sir."
M*A*S*H
"|just won 800 bucks in a poker game."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, I‘m—I‘m sorry, sir."
M*A*S*H
"It‘sjust that I‘m worried. I‘m afraid someone will rob me or the mice‘ll eat it."
M*A*S*H
"He‘s worried about this case ofhis not getting better."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah."
M*A*S*H
"Will you look after my money for me, sir?"
M*A*S*H
"Yeah, only on the condition that you never wake me again."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, it‘s a deal."
M*A*S*H
"[Whispering] I promise."
M*A*S*H
"He really moved out ofthe Swamp?"
M*A*S*H
"Yes, sir."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah ?"
M*A*S*H
"[Whispering] It‘s eight hundred and three dollars, exactly."
M*A*S*H
Show more clips