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Clips from The Ben Stiller Show (1992) - A Few Good Scouts (S01E01)

"- You want the truth? - I want the truth!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- When do you want it? - Now!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Give me an H."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- What's that spell? - The truth!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"... they're clearing a space on the mantle for a special guest named Oscar."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I think I..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I think I got a pretty good shot here."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I mean, it's pretty intense stuff. So yeah, it's..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Welcome to the show. I'm Ben Stiller."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"We're on the set of that Few Good Men parody."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"We thought we'd give you a behind- the-scenes look at how we do the show."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"It's really a wig I'm wearing."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"The cast is angry they didn't do Jack Nicholson."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I should have done it. "Hold the sandwich between your legs.""
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
""I'll take a tuna fish sandwich on rye bread. Hold the tuna.""
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I think you can understand why. Why don't we just go to this?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"We're responding to a disturbing-the-peace call."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"We get a couple of these calls a night."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...playing chicken on a jousting field, trying to impress some maiden."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"That ain't no jousting match! Come on, Johnny!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Over here, Johnny!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Don't worry, Felicia!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I shall return thee to thy normal state."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Drop the wand, Houdini!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Drop the damn wand! Do it!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I will put a spell on all of you!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Put your hands behind your head! - My wife!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Shut up!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Shut the f* * * up!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Okay, okay, okay."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"In a situation like this, we'll apprehend the suspect..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...then we'll impound the wand, run a check on it."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Usually it turns out it's hot."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I had an argument with my wife..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...and I accidentally turned her into an ox."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Listen, I don't care. You can't be making all this noise."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- That's right. - Felicia!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"My wife! That is my wife."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"What did we just finish telling you?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Baby goes to sleep. - Where is my elixir?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"We got a message about a domestic disturbance two miles from here."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- No, you stay put, wonder boy. - Whose apples are these?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Leave me alone. I'm trying to pull this sword from this stone!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Great! The cops are here. - Shut up!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Good work."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"You had your shot at this thing, all right?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Is this your kid? Tell me something. Wait a minute."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- That's your daddy, right? - Yeah."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Okay. Now, your daddy's been drinking a little bit of mead?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Don't tell me that. I smell it all over your breath."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"It's my clothing. I spilled something on it, sir."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"What's going on here? Are you pulling the sword?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Yes. I'm trying to pull the sword from the stone."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Oh, yeah? Well, who's the lady here?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"This wench is my wife, I'm very sorry to say."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Is that any way to act in front of your wife and kid? You're drunk."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- She fills him full of lies. - He's a terrible role model."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"She fills him full of lies. What am I supposed to do?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"No, wait. Go ahead. Give it a shot."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- There you go. - Nothing happens."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I got news, Mr. Universe. It's not coming out, all right?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Okay, okay. I just wanted one chance! You know? I mean..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I wanna pull the sword from the stone."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"You can't even pull up your own pants."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Let him try. You see what she does?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"You wanna pull this? Go ahead."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- She's on his back already. - You pick up the pieces."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"All right. Give it a try."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Behold Excalibur!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- I loosened it for him. I was there. - Shut up!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"All right. That's it, everybody. Show's over, okay?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"You got your king. Sword's been pulled from the stone. Go home now."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Everybody's got homes to go to. That's it, all right?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"That's great. I bust my hump 11 years."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"That's some cough you got."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Got a touch of the plague that's going around."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"You know what's good for that? Leeches."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Hurts like a mother, but it works. Really."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"And now, Ben Stiller's Music News with Tabitha Soren."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Hello, I'm Tabitha Soren, and this is a Stiller Music News special report."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Controversy surrounds a trio of backup singers who call themselves Vanilla Heat."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"In an unprecedented move..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"We caught up to Heat at their L.A. Home studio."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"They had this to say:"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Eight years. - For..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Question: What's wrong with this picture?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Answer: When it comes to backup singers..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...if you don't look a certain way, an invisible wall goes up."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Four, three, two."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Nail that spin, Kim. Nail that spin."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"For some reason, we have not been invited in."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"The reason is plain and simple."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"If you're not a hot chick in spandex..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...forget it. You need not apply."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...pending in Los Angeles Municipal Court."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Well, I don't know why they're suing me."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I don't hire singers. That's not what I do."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"You're not a lawyer, right? Let's put the cards on the table here."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"You're not a lawyer, but you're acting in our behalf."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I am not a lawyer, per se."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"However, I am very comfortable in a court of law."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"And I am fluent in two languages: English and legalese."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I don't know. These guys wanted to try out to be my background singers."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I said, cool. I'm always looking for good talent."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"And, you know, they just suck."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"We, as a group, have too much talent..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...to let this happen."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I'm not gonna lay down for the steamroller, okay?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"It's not gonna happen with me."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Excuse me. We're here for the backup singer auditions."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- I don't think you have an appointment. - It's happening again."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"All we need is five minutes of your time, please."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I think if we were dressed in hot spandex outfits..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...and had earrings on and looked great, we'd have no problem here."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- You'd roll out the red carpet for us. - Maybe we should've worn our dresses."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Four for nothing. One, two, three, four."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Let's go."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Come on! Come on! Come on."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I don't care. Blacklist me. Cross my name off the list."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
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