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Clips from Archer - Danger Island: Some Remarks on Cannibalism (S09E09)

"ARCHER: Oh, don't flatter yourself, it was just a reflex."
Archer
"- Do you not normally go to the feasts? - Oh, no, no. God, no."
Archer
"[cackling]"
Archer
"[chuckles] They're... super racist."
Archer
"[gasps] I also told you that in confidence!"
Archer
"Well, guess you can find out what a human being tastes like after all."
Archer
"[chuckles] Speaking of hard dicks..."
Archer
"[chuckles] Oh, man, and this is probably gonna sound weird,"
Archer
"- I told you that in confidence. - Yeah? Well, I ain't your priest."
Archer
"- but I could kind of eat. - A person?"
Archer
"since the time the Army checked you for a hernia."
Archer
"Not a whole person, asshole."
Archer
"But maybe, like, a drumstick?"
Archer
"- It's not that hard. - Oh, please. I bet it hasn't been that hard"
Archer
"- No, no, no, no, no, no. Wait. - Dude, that is a hard dick."
Archer
"- Also nothing. - Oh, for the... Ew!"
Archer
"Then what... is touching... my ass?"
Archer
"- Is your dick hard? - No."
Archer
"What? [clears throat]"
Archer
"Shh. Stop. Stop it. Stop cutting."
Archer
"You won't have old Pam to kick around anymore because..."
Archer
"If we do, it's only because I unleashed the power of obsidian."
Archer
"Well, if we get out of this bullshit..."
Archer
"Oh, my God, you are such a Lennie."
Archer
"- Why? - So I can whip your ass fairly."
Archer
"you can leave one hand tied behind my back."
Archer
"And, while you're at it,"
Archer
"- I will, but only because I choose to. - Well, bully for you."
Archer
"- Well? - Cut me loose."
Archer
"Yes, Lennie! [gasps]"
Archer
"- You. - You think I'm the sidekick?"
Archer
"- How is this Crackers's fault? - Wha... Not Crackers!"
Archer
"to getting a new goddamn sidekick."
Archer
"And, two, I'm about this close"
Archer
"- I just wanted you to die happy. - Ha!"
Archer
"You know, first of all, that was..."
Archer
"Does that mean we're not getting married?"
Archer
"[chuckles] Oh..."
Archer
"when I leave you here."
Archer
"We'll see how funny... you think it is"
Archer
"Goddamn it. [laughing]"
Archer
"[gasps]"
Archer
"- Get a splinter in your ass? - I'm not gonna get a..."
Archer
"If I can just scrooch down the pole, I can..."
Archer
"- So? - So we can cut the ropes with it, dummy."
Archer
"Including, look, there's a piece of, uh, whatchamacallit. Ob-Obsidian."
Archer
"- What, besides everything? - Oh, hardy-har. [laughs]"
Archer
"Well, unless you know something I don't..."
Archer
"But I'm not sticking around to find out."
Archer
"- on what sides to serve us with. - Ooh..."
Archer
"Who knows? Probably taking a vote"
Archer
"PAM: So, where do you think everybody went?"
Archer
"CHERYL: Ew, look! This guy has ringworm."
Archer
"MALORY: Then let's go. Come on, Lady Baltimore."
Archer
"Do you seriously not? It's so obvious."
Archer
"because this dodo says she can see a trail?"
Archer
"So we're just gonna go gallivanting through this deadly jungle"
Archer
"Et tu, Doudou?"
Archer
"- CHERYL: Yeah, right? - RAY: Exactement!"
Archer
"MALORY: As whose princess?"
Archer
"As your princess, I demand we get the idol first."
Archer
"LANA: No. No, no. Uh-uh."
Archer
"And about to be eaten! We have to follow this trail and rescue them."
Archer
"Well, but since they're out of the quicksand..."
Archer
"[gasps] Oh, my God."
Archer
"Mon dieu, can it be Les cannibales?"
Archer
"- much heavier load. - Ooh, which I bet was Pam."
Archer
"And then here's a trail of four men carrying a much,"
Archer
"- Do you think it was...? - Yes! It was clearly Archer."
Archer
"- Look, can we just... - Shut up!"
Archer
"- That's about the size of a man. - Or a party sub."
Archer
"See, they're, like, six feet apart."
Archer
"probably on, like, a pole or something."
Archer
"this trail is two barefoot men, carrying a load between them,"
Archer
"- CRACKERS: Muscular? - And here,"
Archer
"Pretty muscular, by the looks of them."
Archer
"there's all these different sets of bare footprints."
Archer
"And over there, there..."
Archer
"[gasps] And here's another set of boot prints."
Archer
"- Really? - No! - Ah, yes!"
Archer
"Look, there's boot prints coming up out of the quicksand."
Archer
"we can still beat him if we hurry."
Archer
"Oh, go eat worms. Come on, Reynaud,"
Archer
"almost mite-free. And, B, I swear, they were right here."
Archer
"No! Whoa! First of all, I am..."
Archer
"- Damn it, bird! - Seriously?"
Archer
"so that Sterling can get to the idol first."
Archer
"This mite-riddled bird's just stalling us"
Archer
"- A ruse? - He set me up!"
Archer
"- What? A ruse? - Oh, come on."
Archer
"- I ought to wring your neck! - This was all just a ruse."
Archer
"I-I don't get it. They were right here, up to their necks in it!"
Archer
"MALORY: Well? Where the hell are they, bird?"
Archer
"Nope. [sighs]"
Archer
"Aw, damn, but we're not getting out alive, huh?"
Archer
"Ooh!"
Archer
"we should definitely open a detective agency."
Archer
"Well, if we get out of this alive somehow,"
Archer
"- No shit. - Yep."
Archer
"I think it was something."
Archer
"- Wait, what was that?! - NOAH: Nothing!"
Archer
"Uh, maybe I'll see you guys later or maybe not. Okay, bye!"
Archer
"Oh. Uh, okay. Uh, well, I got to go."
Archer
"- What the...? - What's that?"
Archer
"Which, to them, is, like, the worst. [conch blowing]"
Archer
"- What is she saying? - [sighs] That I taste like chicken."
Archer
"[laughter] Dongay emakume!"
Archer
"- Man, that was really... - Eggelak!"
Archer
"Oh. Yeah."
Archer
"- What?! - Even after they ate your goddamn arm?"
Archer
"I-I'm here to document. I can't interfere."
Archer
"No, no, no, no, no, no. I couldn't do that."
Archer
"- Help us escape. - Yeah."
Archer
"Yeah, right? So then how 'bout it, man?"
Archer
"...are assholes."
Archer
"- Zakila gizona. - Ek ezan oki! [laughter]"
Archer
"The Mua Mua, for example..."
Archer
"An anthropologist studies human beings and their societies and cultures."
Archer
"- No, he doesn't. - Nobody does!"
Archer
"- An anthropologist... - I know what an anthropologist is."
Archer
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