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Clips from Archer - Danger Island: Some Remarks on Cannibalism (S09E09)

"- Like you would know! - No, no, it is."
Archer
"That's an arachnologist."
Archer
"- Wh... A spider scientist? - What?"
Archer
"I'm an anthropologist."
Archer
"I'm doing my doctoral dissertation on the Mua Mua."
Archer
"[chuckles] Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm not their captive."
Archer
"you don't know, idiot? Haven't you even tried?"
Archer
"- I don't know. - What do you mean"
Archer
"Oh, gosh. I mean..."
Archer
"Um... Well, I suppose, I... Well, there's probably..."
Archer
"Four years?! So there's no way to escape?"
Archer
"I mean, I've been here almost four years now, so..."
Archer
"- Wait, you speak their language? - Uh, yeah, I should hope so."
Archer
"- Besso ekla baht! [laughs] - Ek eklan oki."
Archer
"- Who the hell are you? - I'm Noah."
Archer
"- Who...? - E-Except for the aneurysm."
Archer
"I mean, is that goose bumps or what?"
Archer
"what's gonna happen to you guys over the next two days."
Archer
"You just described, almost word for word,"
Archer
"- What the...? - Huh?"
Archer
"- Why the hell would... - MAN: [laughs] Wow!"
Archer
"and falls into a vat of braising liquid."
Archer
"has a massive yet painless brain aneurysm"
Archer
"this tender, hairless young thing"
Archer
"But then, on the way to the ceremony,"
Archer
"- [sighs] Why...? - Shut up. Let me finish."
Archer
"and then her whole body gets shaved."
Archer
"So she gets a ceremonial bath, scrubbed head to toe,"
Archer
"What if it was one of these native girl's confirmation or whatever?"
Archer
"just so I could eat her, so maybe... I don't know."
Archer
"But I wouldn't want her to get killed"
Archer
"Ooh, or a teenage girl."
Archer
"like he's just damn dinner. Or a woman."
Archer
"I'm talking about where you voluntarily eat a guy"
Archer
"Your fat white ass is pioneer jerky."
Archer
"That goes without saying. [rhythmic thwacking]"
Archer
"like the Donner Party or whatever."
Archer
"And not in a starvation-type deal,"
Archer
"about if I'd ever, you know, like, eat a person."
Archer
"'Cause this whole crazy thing's kind of got me thinking"
Archer
"[children giggling]"
Archer
"[Archer groans]"
Archer
"I was gonna say I wonder what I'm gonna taste like."
Archer
"I'm mad enough at you as it is."
Archer
"Don't! Don't say a word."
Archer
"[Pam inhales sharply]"
Archer
"[tribal music]"
Archer
"found the idol, and are just yucking it up!"
Archer
"But I'll bet you dollars to donuts, they've already escaped,"
Archer
"[sips] Take us to the damn quicksand."
Archer
"- Your son... is going... to die! - Oh, all right."
Archer
"For the love of God, woman!"
Archer
"- and then we can rescue them. - Exactly."
Archer
"I'm with her. First we secure the idol,"
Archer
"- No! - Don't get chippy with me, bird!"
Archer
"grab the idol, and then come back and save them?"
Archer
"Do you think it's enough time for us to toodle on over,"
Archer
"- Before...? - They die!"
Archer
"And I don't know how much time they have left."
Archer
"Quicksand. Pam, too."
Archer
"- What? Where? - Really?!"
Archer
"Because he's stuck in quicksand!"
Archer
"- That won't be too hard. - Goddamn it, bird!"
Archer
"[squawks] [all gasp]"
Archer
"We can't let Sterling beat us to that damn idol."
Archer
"Now move it, big boy."
Archer
"- That crate is just gin. - And vermouth."
Archer
"All right, already. Come on! We don't need all this junk."
Archer
"[screaming]"
Archer
"[chittering softly]"
Archer
"[somber music]"
Archer
"[monkey chittering]"
Archer
"♪ It's a long way to go... ♪"
Archer
"♪ It's a long way to Tipperary ♪"
Archer
"Yeah! [laughing, cheering]"
Archer
"to bring the ultimate power to the Fatherland!"
Archer
"We will kill anyone who dares to interfere with our mission"
Archer
"- Remember, you promised we could. - Don't worry, men."
Archer
"[laughs] Ja, shooting those damn cannibals."
Archer
"All right! Enough fun. Now back to business."
Archer
"[cheering, laughing] Woohoo!"
Archer
"[monkey screaming]"
Archer
"[monkeys hooting] [machine guns firing]"
Archer
"[gasps loudly]"
Archer
"[laughs] You what?"
Archer
"I, uh... commandeer this véhicule!"
Archer
"Why you little... Do something!"
Archer
"Oh-ho, I'm at the head of it."
Archer
"- Archer?! - Yes. So get in line, sister."
Archer
"No, we are gonna beat Archer to it."
Archer
"- Where do you think you're going? - To beat the Germans to the idol."
Archer
"- Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Hey. Whoa, whoa."
Archer
"[gasps] Damn it, the Germans. [engine starts]"
Archer
"And what color are your Germans, huh?"
Archer
"- [quietly] Code for "white." - And what of it?"
Archer
"of Mitimotu's cultural artifacts by you, you... Europeans!"
Archer
"I forbid it. As princess, I forbid the looting"
Archer
"- No, you can' I... forbid it! - Excuse me?"
Archer
"- What?! - Goddamn it!"
Archer
"- None of... - We're searching for a sacred idol."
Archer
"None of your beeswax. Wait. Where were you going?"
Archer
"And where the hell were you going in such a hurry?"
Archer
"[clears throat] MALORY: Oh, for the..."
Archer
"Me? Who the hell taught him how to drive?"
Archer
"MALORY: Who the hell taught you how to drive?!"
Archer
"9x06 - Some Remarks on Cannibalism"
Archer
"[title music]"
Archer
"so please tell me you have oysters."
Archer
"Ow! Well, I, for one, am starving,"
Archer
"What the hell is the matter with you people?"
Archer
"- Sacrebleu! - Oh! [all groaning]"
Archer
"Are you out of your mind?!"
Archer
"[screaming] [crash]"
Archer
"he has got another thing... [gasps]"
Archer
"he's gonna flimflam Princess Lanaluakalani,"
Archer
"Well, if that sneaky little schnitzel thinks"
Archer
"Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!"
Archer
"[clears throat] Excuse me."
Archer
"so I hope at least he paid you in advance!"
Archer
"And once that German snake finds it, he will be long gone,"
Archer
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