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Clips from American Dad! (2005) - Comedy (S01E01)

"- That's the hand I write with. - That's negative thinking."
American Dad! (2005)
"Hey, how about a story where a boy's hand..."
American Dad! (2005)
"Aw, I don't know what to write about."
American Dad! (2005)
"Aw, I'm never gonna be a star."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Ooh, Roger drops expensive vases just like us."
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, Roger- Roger starts to black out just like-"
American Dad! (2005)
"Well, of course you do, darlin'. I use genuine human placenta."
American Dad! (2005)
"That's where it gets its luster."
American Dad! (2005)
"Mr. Beauregard, l- I would love foryou..."
American Dad! (2005)
"Hmm! Ifl wereyou, I'd takeyour hair behind the shed and shoot it."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Ride, Montague."
American Dad! (2005)
"Anything for me?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Hey, it's from me. What's this?"
American Dad! (2005)
""P and QPublishing." Oh, good. Another rejection letter."
American Dad! (2005)
""Dear, Mr. Smith."
American Dad! (2005)
"It is with great pleasure that we have decided to publish your book.""
American Dad! (2005)
"All those wasted years ofwriting finally have meaning."
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, that's what people say when they're dead inside."
American Dad! (2005)
""Roger the Alien"?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Hey, that's the story I wrote for English. - What?"
American Dad! (2005)
"So, it's not Patriot Pigeon Poops on Planned Parenthood?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, my God, Stan! How upset are you?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Seriously, on a scale from one to pissed?"
American Dad! (2005)
"So now I was a published writer."
American Dad! (2005)
"But mylife had become boring."
American Dad! (2005)
"No, it's inspiring music to accompanyyour answer."
American Dad! (2005)
"Um, just write something and it'll get published."
American Dad! (2005)
"I write 3,000 books and- Ugh!"
American Dad! (2005)
"I write 3,000 books and nobody's ever asked me for an autograph."
American Dad! (2005)
"Don'tyou see, Stan? You're Steve's father."
American Dad! (2005)
"He couldn't have done any ofthis withoutyou."
American Dad! (2005)
"Ugh! Francine, when I look at your hair..."
American Dad! (2005)
"and I blameyou, publisher man."
American Dad! (2005)
"Actually, it's "Publisherman." Bill Publisherman."
American Dad! (2005)
"Nonsense! You and I are gonna be big."
American Dad! (2005)
""Ginormagantuan.""
American Dad! (2005)
"Well, then whatyou need is to get Steve on Cap'n Monty's Book Cavalcade..."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Great! Put him on. - I'd love to."
American Dad! (2005)
"And to get that, he'll need a hook."
American Dad! (2005)
"Right. We'll cut off one ofhis hands."
American Dad! (2005)
"People love the disfigured... and fear them."
American Dad! (2005)
"No, a hook, an angle, a gimmick."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Why? Could that be a hook? - Hook?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Is it true? Were there really seven people at the book signing?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Oh, my God! It's happening for me."
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, my God! It's Johnny Depp."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Deppster! What's shakin'? - That's not a cell phone."
American Dad! (2005)
""Bad boy"? Steve, that's it!"
American Dad! (2005)
"- You can be the bad boy of children's books. - Huh?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Sure, sure. The media loves bad boys."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Your bookwill fly offthe shelves. - I don't know."
American Dad! (2005)
"to getyou centerfold Janet Gustafson."
American Dad! (2005)
"- She's beautiful. - And she loves the bad boys."
American Dad! (2005)
"Franci ne, I cannot let the mother of..."
American Dad! (2005)
"Shame on you. Scoot on in here, girl."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Give me sillyjuice and watch me fall down. - What the-"
American Dad! (2005)
"I'm ugly and my butt is huge."
American Dad! (2005)
"You bastard!"
American Dad! (2005)
"Rogerwho sips his sillyjuice and goes on delusional rants!"
American Dad! (2005)
"Ouch! Oh, that- Ouchies, ouchies, ouch."
American Dad! (2005)
"Thanks toyou, Dad spent all my college money..."
American Dad! (2005)
"buying you Doctor Seuss's first typewriter."
American Dad! (2005)
"[ Gears Whirring, Bells Ringing ]"
American Dad! (2005)
"You bastard!"
American Dad! (2005)
"What's wrong, honey?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Do I really have to go on Cap'n Monty's?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Oh. Well, no. I suppose not. - Thanks, Mom."
American Dad! (2005)
"- When did you stop loving Mommy? - What?"
American Dad! (2005)
"But do whatever makes you happy."
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, that's right. With you, I just tore from my "V" to my "A.""
American Dad! (2005)
"As myfamily usedandabused me."
American Dad! (2005)
"No. I just said that to motivate you so you'd carry me to the top."
American Dad! (2005)
"Dad, I can't believe you lied to me."
American Dad! (2005)
"Really? Huh. That's-That's kind of mywhole bit."
American Dad! (2005)
"Hey, my first green room."
American Dad! (2005)
"It isn't even green!"
American Dad! (2005)
"Steve. Kevin Broham, DudemeisterManagement. Huge fan."
American Dad! (2005)
"Let me guess. Your family's bustin' your boy bag like a bunch of gonad gangsters."
American Dad! (2005)
"Bro, I see families exploiting the talented dude all the time."
American Dad! (2005)
"I feel so trapped. I don't know what to do."
American Dad! (2005)
"Today, Captain Monty sails his fairvessel..."
American Dad! (2005)
"with precious cargo-"
American Dad! (2005)
"ninth incarnation ofthe Buddha, Steve Smith."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Yeah! - Yea!"
American Dad! (2005)
"Steve."
American Dad! (2005)
"Even the name recalls simplicity, elegance."
American Dad! (2005)
"Steve, I'm not going to askyou about your influences..."
American Dad! (2005)
"oryour process."
American Dad! (2005)
"I am going to tell you something."
American Dad! (2005)
"And that something is..."
American Dad! (2005)
"you, Steve Smith, are a genius."
American Dad! (2005)
"A "geeeeenius.""
American Dad! (2005)
"Argh."
American Dad! (2005)
"I'm flawed, unlikeyou, Steve Smith."
American Dad! (2005)
"Tell me..."
American Dad! (2005)
"Here it comes, clown."
American Dad! (2005)
"I'd like to thank my new manager Kevin..."
American Dad! (2005)
"for helping me fill out the paperwork to divorce my parents."
American Dad! (2005)
"with a pretty pair of shoes."
American Dad! (2005)
"Did the book make me rich and popular? Yeah."
American Dad! (2005)
"You bet your ass I did."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Not by a long shot. - Franci ne. Stan."
American Dad! (2005)
"And S wants to C-L-T-D-F-H-C."
American Dad! (2005)
"Cut loose the deadweight from his coattails."
American Dad! (2005)
"There should be a "W" in there."
American Dad! (2005)
"Rooms devoted to girl-on-girl action."
American Dad! (2005)
"And the coup de grâce..."
American Dad! (2005)
"- What are you doing here? - I want you to come home."
American Dad! (2005)
"Starting with that centerfold l promised you."
American Dad! (2005)
"Here she is, centerfold Janet Gustafson."
American Dad! (2005)
"Well, sure. The magazine l showed you was from 1 957."
American Dad! (2005)
"But she still loves to party."
American Dad! (2005)
"This is your idea ofan apology?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Sulu, Chekov!"
American Dad! (2005)
"Hello, old friend."
American Dad! (2005)
"to kill you."
American Dad! (2005)
"Strange. This window shouldn't be open."
American Dad! (2005)
"And this window shouldn't be closed."
American Dad! (2005)
"I mean, not this color scheme. P.U."
American Dad! (2005)
"This bust of Ben Stiller is hideous."
American Dad! (2005)
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