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Clips from American Dad! (2005) - Comedy (S01E01)

"- Poor Roger. - We should have a nice memorial service."
American Dad! (2005)
"No, I'll have to dispose of the body so the government can't trace it back to us."
American Dad! (2005)
"At least do it in a way that honours his memory and all that he meant to us."
American Dad! (2005)
"That sounded kind of effeminate."
American Dad! (2005)
"Wait a minute. I can use this to get home, disguised as a lady."
American Dad! (2005)
"A lady who keeps medical waste in her pockets."
American Dad! (2005)
"- You called me, Dad? - You're having trouble with Roger's death."
American Dad! (2005)
"It might cheer you up to help me burn every shred of evidence that he ever existed."
American Dad! (2005)
"What? Why can't we just hide that stuff?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Feelings are what women have. They come from their ovaries."
American Dad! (2005)
"So if I cash out my pension right now, how much will I get?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Aw, dammit! That's a very steep penalty."
American Dad! (2005)
"Thanks for nothing, Marty."
American Dad! (2005)
"So what is it, now? Your mother died, or something?"
American Dad! (2005)
"No, it was a very dear, dear..."
American Dad! (2005)
"Could you say a prayer for him on Sunday? You know, so maybe he'll hear it in heaven."
American Dad! (2005)
"For a pet."
American Dad! (2005)
"Eligible for heaven: men, women, children and apes who use sign language."
American Dad! (2005)
"Not going to heaven: pets, dinosaurs, smart types and self-aware robots."
American Dad! (2005)
"You ever seen Blade Runner?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Of course not. All righty. Can I validate your parking?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Wait a minute. Roger was good. What kind of a God wouldn't allow him into heaven?"
American Dad! (2005)
"This kind."
American Dad! (2005)
"The home? No. We're going to DC to see the sights."
American Dad! (2005)
"Now don't you fret about that. Happens to me all the time."
American Dad! (2005)
"Actually, they put Agent Duper on chatter."
American Dad! (2005)
"I tried those whitening strips, but they don't work."
American Dad! (2005)
"- You wear them every day? - Every other day."
American Dad! (2005)
"Don't you have any feelings? You're a monster! I have no father."
American Dad! (2005)
"- What seems to be the problem? - Well, I got in an argument with our dog."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Am I a monster for not feeling anything? - Depends. How close were you to this dog?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Well, we do go back a ways."
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, I've got claws. Look how fat you are. See? Kitty can scratch."
American Dad! (2005)
"Thought I lost you there. Now, look. This is a safe place. How do you feel?"
American Dad! (2005)
"No. Because you're a lady!"
American Dad! (2005)
"I swear I'd lose my own head if... Hey! I don't have a purse!"
American Dad! (2005)
"When your parents die, they'll be in the ground,"
American Dad! (2005)
"worms slowly chewing through their foul, putrid organs."
American Dad! (2005)
"Don't worry, kids. God is real, Jesus loves you, et cetera."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Mom, what are you doing? - I just can't believe in a God"
American Dad! (2005)
"that wouldn't let Roger into heaven."
American Dad! (2005)
"Hey, Hayley. Since Dad's a heartless bastard, I'm auditioning new father figures."
American Dad! (2005)
"or consistently underrated Jeff Bridges?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Steve, mein Kinderstrudel."
American Dad! (2005)
"There's an emotionally available father figure floating in front of you."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Really? You'd be my dad? - It would be mein honour."
American Dad! (2005)
"Now, here's your allowance. Five bubbles."
American Dad! (2005)
"What the hell. Six bubbles. Don't tell your mother."
American Dad! (2005)
"Sorry I'm late. I was getting a piping hot cup of coffee."
American Dad! (2005)
"than the alien that escaped from Area 51 four years ago."
American Dad! (2005)
"- My eyes! - He's alive!"
American Dad! (2005)
"Naturally, recapturing this fugitive is our top priority."
American Dad! (2005)
"Then we can track down the bastards who harboured it,"
American Dad! (2005)
"I mean really brutally."
American Dad! (2005)
"Weird stuff. Butt stuff."
American Dad! (2005)
"Stan, you lantern-jawed sasquatch."
American Dad! (2005)
"- I've been looking for you. Where are you? - I'm getting by just fine on my own."
American Dad! (2005)
"You're a carpetbagger, Stan, you know that? What's that?"
American Dad! (2005)
"I'm sure you're mad I chucked you in the trash, but I'm willing to forgive me."
American Dad! (2005)
"Bring 'em on! I got some stories to tell about who's been hiding me."
American Dad! (2005)
"Hope you and your family like prison, because that's where you'll be rotting! Prison!"
American Dad! (2005)
"I'm not screwing around. My butt is literally on the line."
American Dad! (2005)
"So, old buddy, to protect our family, we must kill a friend."
American Dad! (2005)
"Don't worry, it's not you. I could never be mad at you."
American Dad! (2005)
"Made you laugh."
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, gun! Crack a window!"
American Dad! (2005)
"He had it comin'. That family don't give a Dixie toot about you."
American Dad! (2005)
"We are, aren't we? Oh, my God."
American Dad! (2005)
"Sounds glorious. Let's get movin', sis."
American Dad! (2005)
"Now, son, here's a fun activity my father taught me."
American Dad! (2005)
"Now bury me in an avalanche of panties."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Mom, you're reading the Bible again. - No! There's an oil spill in the garage."
American Dad! (2005)
"I'm just gonna mop it up with "Exodus"."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Hello? - Hayley? Roger. Got a sec?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Roger? Whoa! Is this one of those Twilight Zone phones where I can talk to the dead,"
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, right. It's past noon. You're already high. Let me talk to the fish."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Here's your filthy wetback doughnut. - Hurry."
American Dad! (2005)
"We've tracked the alien here. We need to take it alive"
American Dad! (2005)
"so we can punish those who've been hiding it."
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, my God! Joan Collins' ball gown. Linda Evans' tennis outfit."
American Dad! (2005)
"I knew you couldn't resist a federally funded Dynasty exhibit."
American Dad! (2005)
"Leave her alone, whitey!"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Dammit! He's getting away! - We're parachute ghosts!"
American Dad! (2005)
"- No, former dad! - Nobody threatens my family!"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Get out of the way, or I'll shoot you all. - It's my junior prom all over again."
American Dad! (2005)
"Leave her alone, you two-dollar Pai Gow whore!"
American Dad! (2005)
"We know you're in there! Come out with your tentacles up!"
American Dad! (2005)
"- You can'tjust give him up. - That's the CIA out there."
American Dad! (2005)
"They won't stop until they have Roger in custody."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Just make it quick. - No, Roger! Use my children as a shield."
American Dad! (2005)
"It's no use. They've got me. And if they torture me, I'll crack."
American Dad! (2005)
"I can't even make it through the afternoon without a mojito."
American Dad! (2005)
"- He's crying. - I'm not a lady!"
American Dad! (2005)
"Stan, having feelings doesn't make you a lady."
American Dad! (2005)
"Prepare the door blower! We really should find a better name for that."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Smith! - I've got the alien, sir."
American Dad! (2005)
"Give me back my wig, you scalp-happy red man!"
American Dad! (2005)
"Well done, Agent Smith!"
American Dad! (2005)
"I'm going to strike the words "tool" and "incompetent" from your personal record."
American Dad! (2005)
"You know... I think we can."
American Dad! (2005)
"Heaven? What the hell are you?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Fluffy clouds, unicorns, bubble-gum waterfalls, all that crap."
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, wait. This is last month."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Did you use my "shock market" line? - Yeah, and it died. Thanks a lot, Larry David."
American Dad! (2005)
"Done with your foot cream. I got most of it back in the tube."
American Dad! (2005)
"- You bitch! - Bitch!"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Idaho! - That's all 50."
American Dad! (2005)
"Stand back!"
American Dad! (2005)
"It's about time he heard it. We're the ones risking our necks."
American Dad! (2005)
"Roger! Are you OK?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Then I guess he wouldn't mind if I poke him in the eye with a fork."
American Dad! (2005)
"Double cheeseburger, small fries, and a Mr Pibb."
American Dad! (2005)
"You're serious. Look, according to the Church, there are no pets in heaven."
American Dad! (2005)
"Whatever."
American Dad! (2005)
"Back on the bus, Mrs Nesbaum."
American Dad! (2005)
"That's why they're not working."
American Dad! (2005)
"I'll check this lab where the theremin music is coming from."
American Dad! (2005)
"Let's go, space chimp!"
American Dad! (2005)
"- And do you know why? - Because I miss him?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- I am not a lady! - Wait, Stan. You forgot your purse."
American Dad! (2005)
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