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Clips from American Dad! (2005) - Comedy (S01E01)

"Time! Reset the test course."
American Dad! (2005)
"Glad I could be so impressive. I'll take my victory muffin now."
American Dad! (2005)
"My uncle's doing 25 to life for sacrificing his son."
American Dad! (2005)
"- They should be stoned! - Way ahead of you, kid."
American Dad! (2005)
"So unless you open a Circle K in the dining room,"
American Dad! (2005)
"looks like we're ointment buddies."
American Dad! (2005)
"And FYI, your roll-on really worked wonders on my 'rhoids."
American Dad! (2005)
"For some good old-fashioned boot-licking."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Once it dries, it'll chip right off. - Go!"
American Dad! (2005)
"She wanted to come, but I do not negotiate with terrorists."
American Dad! (2005)
"Do I smell meat loaf?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- "Oh, God! Oh, God!" - Yes, yes. She's very devout."
American Dad! (2005)
"Anyway, what are these photos doing laminated in our place mats?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Is this Agent Duper? - Yes."
American Dad! (2005)
"And he's eating a falafel recreationally. Terrorist."
American Dad! (2005)
"Pardon me. I think I hear my wife's pie burning."
American Dad! (2005)
"- No, but I lost my buzz, thanks to you. - Smith?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Into the tub! - Without my flip-flops?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Good God, control yourself! Stop it! Oh! In my eye!"
American Dad! (2005)
"Good God, Smith! What the?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Thanks. How do you expect me to compete with Duper after what my boss saw?"
American Dad! (2005)
"But he doesn't care! He just lays around inhaling groceries and pumping out pudding!"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Ladies and gentlemen, Ethan Hawke. - He doesn't look right."
American Dad! (2005)
"Up and at 'em. Time to make another awful Richard Linklater movie."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Gattaca II finally got its financing. - Dad, I think he's dead."
American Dad! (2005)
"- He's dead. - I can't believe he's gone."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Not the largest. The one right under that. - That would be the medium."
American Dad! (2005)
"- It's too risky. No one can know he was here. - Don't you have any feelings?"
American Dad! (2005)
"So basically, you're telling me I'm stuck here for two more years."
American Dad! (2005)
"He was like a pet. You'll have to forgive her. She's very upset."
American Dad! (2005)
"- That's your idea of God? - Kick your ass."
American Dad! (2005)
"How do I get home? Where the hell is a trail of Reese's Pieces when you need one?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Where are you going? - I'm not an alien."
American Dad! (2005)
"This is a mistake. I need to get home."
American Dad! (2005)
"Haven't seen you around the pill line. The name's Gertie."
American Dad! (2005)
"They bumped you down to Al Qaeda banter."
American Dad! (2005)
"He expelled a large amount of xenoplasm and then died."
American Dad! (2005)
"The alien has escaped to level four. Repeat, level four."
American Dad! (2005)
"You're the alien? They said you'd be bigger, and with claws."
American Dad! (2005)
"You got TiVo?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Should I go with outwardly affectionate Tom Hanks,"
American Dad! (2005)
"Why are you worried about Dad? It's Mom that we've lost."
American Dad! (2005)
"Wow, the Oval Office. Just think of the history that's been made behind that desk."
American Dad! (2005)
"Not to mention under it."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Have yourself a nip. - Wow, getting hammered in the Oval Office."
American Dad! (2005)
"It's far too hot to drink, but my leathery man mouth can take it."
American Dad! (2005)
"Sit down. Our analysts have confirmed this creature is none other"
American Dad! (2005)
"- And I got something to say to you... - Call him a carpetbagger!"
American Dad! (2005)
"But the important thing is, the CIA is looking for you."
American Dad! (2005)
"Well, that must be one massive line, because your butt is huge!"
American Dad! (2005)
"Gun, we've got to track down and kill Roger before the CIA finds him."
American Dad! (2005)
"From now on, we're family."
American Dad! (2005)
"That's for freein' the slaves, you Negro-lovin' Yankee devil!"
American Dad! (2005)
"- This ain't your corner, bitch! - Well, I guess my GPS is out of whack, slut!"
American Dad! (2005)
"Ja, ja! A sweaty, sweaty sports bra!"
American Dad! (2005)
"but only with horrible, ironic consequences?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, my God! You're really alive?"
American Dad! (2005)
"I'm at the Smithsonian. Come get me."
American Dad! (2005)
"Wow! John Forsythe's girdle. Oh, the stories it could tell."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Oh, thank God you came! - Roger's alive? It's a miracle!"
American Dad! (2005)
"All this for a fat-ass comment?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- I'd never put my family's safety at risk. - Your family?"
American Dad! (2005)
"OK."
American Dad! (2005)
"- It makes you human. - We've got to blow this door!"
American Dad! (2005)
"Well, it's clear what I have to do."
American Dad! (2005)
"Thanks. Perhaps you could insert the words "lady" and "not a"."
American Dad! (2005)
"- It's good to have you back, buddy. - So, Roger, what was heaven like?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Roger's our little miracle, isn't he, Mom?"
American Dad! (2005)
"I just made a killing in the shock market."
American Dad! (2005)
"Deputy Director. I had no idea you were here."
American Dad! (2005)
"Make it bran."
American Dad! (2005)
"I'm afraid your usual muffin's been earmarked."
American Dad! (2005)
"Hi. Agent Duper. Big fan."
American Dad! (2005)
"Agent Duper not only bested your time, he did so with a far better catchphrase."
American Dad! (2005)
"- What, better than "shock market"? - Duper?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Lucy, you got some 'sploding to do."
American Dad! (2005)
"But at the last minute, God told Abraham not to sacrifice his son."
American Dad! (2005)
"It was all just a test of his faith."
American Dad! (2005)
"Well, I hope he found God."
American Dad! (2005)
"He sure didn't find him in my cousin's stomach."
American Dad! (2005)
"This is my Bible class. Please, dim your headlights."
American Dad! (2005)
"Bible class, huh? Tell them the story of how God was denied his fruity cereal."
American Dad! (2005)
"No, wait, that was the Trix rabbit."
American Dad! (2005)
"I get them confused, because they're both fake."
American Dad! (2005)
"- When did you become so jaded? - She's a harlot!"
American Dad! (2005)
"I'm telling you, that Duper is out for my job."
American Dad! (2005)
"I always get the muffin! Always! Dammit!"
American Dad! (2005)
"Can't you get your own?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Love to, but you won't let me leave the house."
American Dad! (2005)
"Great."
American Dad! (2005)
"Francine, this Duper situation is out of control."
American Dad! (2005)
"Why don't you invite your boss over for dinner tomorrow?"
American Dad! (2005)
"but when it comes to oral hygiene, they phone it in."
American Dad! (2005)
"Look alive, people! What the hell? If my boss sees you, I'm finished."
American Dad! (2005)
"That's him. Up in your attic. Move!"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Now you're doing this? - I haven't been feeling so great."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Can I top off my Chardonnay? - I'll bring it later."
American Dad! (2005)
"Bright and summery on the palate, with an explosive finish."
American Dad! (2005)
"All right, I'm going!"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Deputy Director Bullock. Welcome. - We're so glad you could make it."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Where's your wife this evening? - Handcuffed to a radiator in Fallujah."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Hayley, why don't you say grace? - I'll pass."
American Dad! (2005)
"I like your style."
American Dad! (2005)
"God! Who do you have to probe around here to get a Chardonnay?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Idaho. - Well done, Smith!"
American Dad! (2005)
"Into the bathroom."
American Dad! (2005)
"Smith? This might be the Chardonnay talking,"
American Dad! (2005)
"but I think this bathroom is the perfect place to discuss your promotion."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Smith, are you under attack in there? - Everything's fine."
American Dad! (2005)
"Stan, please."
American Dad! (2005)
"Don't stress him out. It messes with his stomachs."
American Dad! (2005)
"Do you know what'd happen if the government knew we had an alien?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Shut up, Stan! Just shut up!"
American Dad! (2005)
"Our lives would be a hell of a lot easier if you were just gone."
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, yeah? Well, I..."
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, bravo. Bravo. Quite a performance."
American Dad! (2005)
"Ignore him. He's being a drama queen. Everyone up to bed."
American Dad! (2005)
"- It's 7:45. - We're going to bed!"
American Dad! (2005)
""Good night, Klaus"? Jeez."
American Dad! (2005)
"He's up in heaven now, bumming smokes off Jesus."
American Dad! (2005)
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