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Clips from Veep - C**tgate (S05E05)

"I mean, they'll just stop at nothing to get me out of here."
Veep
"Everybody's trying to get me, but I'm not gonna let them."
Veep
"You okay, ma'am?"
Veep
"Have you ever been called a cunt?"
Veep
"Many times."
Veep
"Well, now I have, too, apparently once."
Veep
"SATURDAY 9:08 AM MARKET OPENS IN 48 HOURS"
Veep
"Hey, Mom, I'm back."
Veep
"You were gone? Oh, right, you were in New Hampshire."
Veep
"Gary, is now a good time?"
Veep
"What? He's not in charge of me."
Veep
"- I just wanted to know can we talk for a second? - Yeah."
Veep
"I feel like since Mee-Maw died,"
Veep
"I've had some time to reflect on things"
Veep
"and, you know, why things didn't work out between me and Jason."
Veep
"Or the guy in college who wanted to watch me pee."
Veep
"Or the guy with the weirdly high voice."
Veep
"No, there were two guys with weirdly high voices."
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"- Yeah, there were two. - Do you remember?"
Veep
"Madam President."
Veep
"Yeah? I have to al with whatever this is, okay, Catherine?"
Veep
"So we can talk later."
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"- Guys, I don't want to hear it. - Ma'am."
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"- Ma'am. - No, guys, you know I'm not gonna rethink it."
Veep
"- I've made the decision. - Madam President!"
Veep
"That is if you'd like for that to remain your title!"
Veep
"What?"
Veep
"It's worse than we thought."
Veep
"I ran the numbers. Approval rating for bailing out"
Veep
"your sexual partner's financial establishment... 4.3%."
Veep
"Hanukah polls higher in Mecca."
Veep
"But it's the right bank to bail out, right?"
Veep
"= That's right, ma'am, but nobody understands the economy. But..."
Veep
"- Literally nobody. - Not literally."
Veep
"And then I think we lose three or four states in Congress just like that."
Veep
"What would you guys do if you had to choose between your cock and your balls?"
Veep
"I could lose them both. I mean, at this stage they're purely decorative."
Veep
"Guys, you want to go out later for some Hansong Korean Barbecue?"
Veep
"Korean barbecue is a travesty and a far cry from authentic."
Veep
"- I'm his plus one. - Sue?"
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"That's Korean for I hate you."
Veep
"Marjorie?"
Veep
"That is her name, right?"
Veep
"SATURDAY 9:42 AM MARKET OPENS IN 47 HOURS"
Veep
"Sorry to do this, everyone."
Veep
"But I've done some deep soul diving"
Veep
"and we are going to bail out Paulsten-Berheim."
Veep
"- Oh, fuck. - Make that happen."
Veep
"Thank nonexistent Jesus."
Veep
"~T~U~S~U~B~T~I~T~U~L~O"
Veep
"No, I don't know. I don't want to wear the glasses."
Veep
"They're part of your relaunch."
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"They make you look half smart, you fucking goon."
Veep
"You know what we call people like you back in my day?"
Veep
"Retards."
Veep
"Tom Petty says we can't use Won't Back Down anymore."
Veep
"Okay, well, fuck him if he thinks I'm gonna back down."
Veep
"That's, like, the whole point of the song."
Veep
"We got the okay from Gary Glitter,"
Veep
"but he's in jail for child rape, so maybe not the first choice."
Veep
"Okay, all right, now listen to me."
Veep
"Go out there, turn this thing around, all right?"
Veep
"The widow's beating you by 30 points."
Veep
"She's a retired second grade teacher, for Christ's sake."
Veep
"Yeah, who sucks and gives too much homework."
Veep
"- She's your second grade teacher? - Yeah."
Veep
"Jonah Ryan, pleasure to meet you. Thanks for coming out, sir."
Veep
"Jonah Ryan, running for Congress. Pleasure to meet you."
Veep
"Get a picture of me and this guy's mustache."
Veep
"Jonah Ryan. Ma'am, I have some breakfast back there."
Veep
"You should really try the corned beef hash."
Veep
"It's so much more agreeable than anything that gets dished out in prison."
Veep
"Bill. I thought you were in the..."
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"The slammer? My lawyer got it thrown out on appeal."
Veep
"O'Brien hired me to be the Widow Sherman's new campaign manager."
Veep
"- You're kidding me. - No, Dan."
Veep
"One thing you learn in prison is not to make jokes."
Veep
"I am fructose intolerant, you nitwit."
Veep
"I assume what I'm seeing is the patented Egan touch."
Veep
"I'll see you on the campaign trail, amigo."
Veep
"Tell the president no hard feelings."
Veep
"Oh, wait, that's right."
Veep
"I do have hard feelings. I'm consumed by them."
Veep
"...we're not in this situation."
Veep
"This is done. Dan, we got to go."
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"- Yeah. Yes. - Dan."
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"SATURDAY 11:06 AM MARKET OPENS IN 46 HOURS"
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"Oh, Catherine."
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"Honey, you wanted to talk to me privately before."
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"- Now is a perfect time. - Really?"
Veep
"Now, what happened to the boyfriend with the high voice?"
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"He couldn't go to the bathroom?"
Veep
"What it was more about was just my relationships"
Veep
"- and examining a sort of common pattern... - Ma'am."
Veep
"- Yeah? - I wondered... hey, Catherine."
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"I wondered if you and I could just have a moment together?"
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"- Privately. - Definitely."
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"I'm gonna talk to you later."
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"Tom, I don't think..."
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"where are you going?"
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"Ma'am, you are known to be"
Veep
"- a very smart political operator. - I know."
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"- MARKET OPENS IN 45 HOURS - Good afternoon. Hello again."
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"On second thought, we are now going to bail out"
Veep
"Charlie and Wheelright. Thank you."
Veep
"Yeah."
Veep
"No. You know what?"
Veep
"On third thought, let's just stick with the plan before."
Veep
"We're going to bail out Paulsten."
Veep
"Yeah. Yeah."
Veep
"So, who had 12:50 P.M.?"
Veep
"RODMAN'S DISCOUNT FOOD & DRUG"
Veep
"You eat."
Veep
"I suppose you need something to nervously shit out."
Veep
"Hello, Leon. It's always good to see the most left-swiped face on Tinder."
Veep
"Busy day. Three people fired from the communications office."
Veep
"High turnover department."
Veep
"Or is a panicky mass firing"
Veep
"because someone called POTUS a cunt in Politico?"
Veep
"Ah, I just blew the lid off of Cuntgate."
Veep
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