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Clips from Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Teacher's Pet (S01E01)

"No! You have to talk to a counsellor and start the healing."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- But, Mr Flutie, I don't... - Heal!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I don't know what to say. One minute you're in your normal life,"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"and then who's in the fridge?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"It gets to you, a thing like that."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"It was... Let's just say I haven't been able to eat a thing since yesterday."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I think I lost seven and a half ounces. Way swifter than that diet that quack put me on."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Oh, I'm not saying we should kill a teacher every day so I can lose weight."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"But when tragedy strikes, we have to look on the bright side. You know?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Like how even used Mercedes still have leather seats."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Keep your eyes straight ahead on your own test."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I think you meant pollination for number 14."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I'll see you here after school."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Ouch."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"How come Blayne, who worked with her yesterday, isn't here today?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Inquiring minds wanna know."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Any luck?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I've not found a creature yet that strikes terror in a vampire's heart."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Look under Things That Can Turn Their Heads All The Way Around."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"But there are some insects that can."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- What are you going to do? - My homework."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- Hi. - Oh, hi."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I was just grabbing a snack. Can I fix you something?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"No, thanks. I never eat when I'm making egg sacs."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- If this were real, the bugs would be... - As big as you."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Oh, Xander, I've done something really stupid."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- I hope you can forgive me. - Forgiveness is my middle name."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Actually, it's LaVelle, and I'd appreciate it if you'd guard that secret with your life."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I have a teachers' conference in half an hour and I left the paint and paper-m‚chÈ at home."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Come to, uh... your place?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Seven thirty?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Here's my address."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- I'll see you tonight. - Yeah."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Dig this."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"The praying mantis can rotate its head 180∞ while waiting for its next meal to walk by."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Well, come on, guys. Hah!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"And she is, by and large, woman-shaped."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"OK. Factoid one: only the praying mantis can rotate its head like that."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Factoid two: a whacked-out vampire is scared to death of her."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Factoid three: her fashion sense screams predator."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- It's the shoulder pads! - Exactly."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Then she's either a shape-shifter or a perception-distorter."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Half a mo. I had a chum at Oxford. Carlyle."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- Entomo... who? - Bugs and fairy tales."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I knew that."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"If I recall correctly, Carlyle, before he went mad, claimed there was a beast..."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Buffy, 911."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Blayne's mom told the school he never came home."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- The boy who worked with Miss French? - Yeah."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"If Miss French is responsible for Xander's supposed to be helping her."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"He's got a crush on a giant insect!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"OK, I'll warn him. But I need you to hack on to the Coroner's Office."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- What are we looking for? - Autopsy on Dr Gregory."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"There were these marks on his corpse. I think they were teeth."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"And these cuddlies should definitely be brushing after every meal."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"What were you saying about a beast?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Oh, yeah. I just need to make one transatlantic telephone call."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"The computer invasion Willow's performing on the Coroner's Office is entirely legal?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- Of course. - Right."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Good idea."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"So how'd it go with Miss French?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- Xander, she's not what she seems. - I know. She's so much more."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"OK, I have to tell you something about her and I'm gonna need you to really listen, OK?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"OK."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- I don't think she's human. - I see. So if she's not human, she's..."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Technically a big bug."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- This sounds weird. I'm aware of that. - It doesn't. I understand."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- I've met someone and you're jealous. - What?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"There's nothing I can do. There's a chemical thing between us."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"She's not an insect! She's a woman, OK?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"And, hard as that may be for you to conceive, an actual woman finds me attractive."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"OK, it's no mystery guy handing outjackets."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"And while we're on the subject, what kind of a girly name is Angel?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- What does that have to do... - Nothing! Itjust bugs me."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Look, I really gotta..."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Hi. Come on in."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"No! No. It's the most beautiful chest... dress I've ever seen."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Thank you. That's sweet."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Martini?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I'm sorry. Would you like something else?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I just need to relax a little. I'm kind of nervous around you."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"You like Greek food? I'm exempting schwarma, of course. It's a big meat hive."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Hello!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"You mean like in, uh... the same room?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"You know what I mean."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Oh, that. Well, let me think."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Yeah, there was several."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I mean, and... uh, quite a few times."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"And then there was, Oh, she was incredibly..."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- No. Uh-uh. - I know."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- I can tell. - You can?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Oh, I like it."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"You might say I need it."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- Oh, well, needs should definitely be met -Somebody help me!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- as long as it doesn't require ointments or... - I'm down here!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- Do you hear? - No."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Oh, you hurt your hand."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Buffy."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I love Buffy."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Do you hear?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Would you like to touch me with those hands?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Your hands are"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"really serrated."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Oh, wow, that martini. I..."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"really think I have to..."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Miss French?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Madam, I don't know what time it is, nor do I care!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Unlock his cell and bring him to the phone! This is a matter of life and death!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Got it. Coroner's report complete with - yuck - colour pictures."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"They are teeth marks, which match perfectly the one insect that nips off its prey's head."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"OK, I don't like this."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"That's how they feed. Head first. And how they mate."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- She bites off the male's head while they're... - No, no, no! See, Xander's... I like his head."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"It's where you find his eyes and his hair and his adorable smile."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Hey, hey, take it easy, Will. Xander is not in any immediate danger."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I saw him leave school. He's probably safe at home right now."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- Blayne! - Oh, God."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Are you all right?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- What? What does she do? - She... she..."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Oh, God. Oh, no."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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