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Clips from Seinfeld - The Pilot (S04E04)

"Maybe he doesn't have a get out of herekind of personality."
Seinfeld
"It should be part of medical school training.Cancer? Get out of here."
Seinfeld
"It's a little test. It's nothing. You're a real nut, you know that?"
Seinfeld
"Told you God would never let me be successful."
Seinfeld
"I never should've written that pilot."
Seinfeld
"Dead, Jerry. Because of this."
Seinfeld
"No, I can't."
Seinfeld
"I can't die with dignity. I have no dignity."
Seinfeld
"I want to be the person who doesn't die with dignity."
Seinfeld
"I lived my whole life in shame. Why die with dignity?"
Seinfeld
"Hey."
Seinfeld
"What happened to you yesterday?"
Seinfeld
"I got mugged."
Seinfeld
"I wouldn't have minded, but I was running home to go to the bathroom."
Seinfeld
"I mean, it was an emergency, Jerry."
Seinfeld
"I was really percolating."
Seinfeld
"So I decided to run home through the park, and then two guys stopped me."
Seinfeld
"- Yeah? - It's me."
Seinfeld
"Now I got a big problem, buddy."
Seinfeld
"- What is it? - Well..."
Seinfeld
"I waited so long, I- I missed my chance."
Seinfeld
"- You didn't go? - No, and now I can't get it back."
Seinfeld
"The best thing to do is just not think about it."
Seinfeld
"How could you not think about it?"
Seinfeld
"- Hey. - Hey."
Seinfeld
"So I spoke to some of my sisters about that coffee shop."
Seinfeld
"Have you seen the waitresses in there?"
Seinfeld
"So we decided I should go over there and apply for a job myself."
Seinfeld
"Because it's discriminatory."
Seinfeld
"- This is what you're gonna wear? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Exactly."
Seinfeld
"Hello."
Seinfeld
"Okay, bye."
Seinfeld
"- Who's that? - TV Elaine."
Seinfeld
"What is she like? Tell me about her."
Seinfeld
"Well, she's fascinated with Greenland. She enjoys teasing animals..."
Seinfeld
"...Banlon and seeing people running for their lives."
Seinfeld
"She loves throwing garbage out the window, yet she's extremely dainty."
Seinfeld
"How would she eat a hamburger?"
Seinfeld
"Also with her hands."
Seinfeld
"Seriously."
Seinfeld
"I want to experience everything she's experienced."
Seinfeld
"- Everything. - All right, she cuts pasta with a knife."
Seinfeld
"Good. What's her favourite movie?"
Seinfeld
"Shaft."
Seinfeld
"You gotta give me her picture. What about sex?"
Seinfeld
"She likes talking during sex."
Seinfeld
"Dirty talking?"
Seinfeld
"No. Just chitchat, movies, current events. Regular stuff."
Seinfeld
"- You know, Sandi- - Elaine."
Seinfeld
"All right..."
Seinfeld
"- ... Elaine. - How does Elaine kiss?"
Seinfeld
"...like this?"
Seinfeld
"Like this?"
Seinfeld
"Now, I like to eat spaghetti..."
Seinfeld
"Because I can keep the strands long..."
Seinfeld
"Let them do all the work, you know?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah. Bran flakes."
Seinfeld
"- And I'll have the hamburger. That's it. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"You gotta play him like me."
Seinfeld
"I'm Kramer."
Seinfeld
"No, I'd like to apply for a waitress job."
Seinfeld
"Oh, yeah. I've been a professional waitress for the last 10 years."
Seinfeld
"I've worked all over this city."
Seinfeld
"I'm sure you'll find that I'm more than qualified."
Seinfeld
"I don't think I need anyone else right now."
Seinfeld
"What? What did I do?"
Seinfeld
"...four of them, and they're all huge."
Seinfeld
"I mean, one is bigger than the next."
Seinfeld
"It's like a Russ Meyer movie."
Seinfeld
"Who's Russ Meyer?"
Seinfeld
"...terrible movies in the '7 Os with these kinds of women."
Seinfeld
"He's obsessed."
Seinfeld
"He's obsessed with breasts."
Seinfeld
"There's not really much more to tell. He was looking for waitresses..."
Seinfeld
"...I went in to apply, and he looked me up and down, and he rejected me."
Seinfeld
"Paul, come here for a second. I want you to listen to this."
Seinfeld
"The woman here claims there's a restaurant on the West Side..."
Seinfeld
"- What do you mean, made-up? - It's made-up."
Seinfeld
"Häagen-Dazs is made-up. It's not Danish."
Seinfeld
"- You're crazy. - No, I'm not."
Seinfeld
"George, is Häagen-Dazs Danish?"
Seinfeld
"- What do you mean, Danish? - This guy stinks."
Seinfeld
"Excuse me."
Seinfeld
"May I?"
Seinfeld
"You see, you're going:"
Seinfeld
"They fooled me, Jerry."
Seinfeld
"You see the difference?"
Seinfeld
"Just a suggestion."
Seinfeld
"All right, everybody."
Seinfeld
"- Take a five. - Yep, that's five."
Seinfeld
"...but from what I can gather..."
Seinfeld
"...they're a little touchy about being told how to say the lines."
Seinfeld
"By the way, how am I doing?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, you're- You're fine. You're fine."
Seinfeld
"Why would he steal a box of raisins?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah."
Seinfeld
"It's bizarre."
Seinfeld
"That little bald guy's driving me nuts."
Seinfeld
"I'm gonna rip him a new one if he doesn't leave me alone."
Seinfeld
"What is the real problem?"
Seinfeld
"He can't act. It's pathetic."
Seinfeld
"I'm cringing watching him."
Seinfeld
"What's with him?"
Seinfeld
"Russell?"
Seinfeld
"Russell?"
Seinfeld
"- What? - You okay?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah. No, I- I was just..."
Seinfeld
"...thinking of something."
Seinfeld
"What's the matter?"
Seinfeld
"You're acting weird. Is anything wrong?"
Seinfeld
"No."
Seinfeld
"Are you breaking up with me?"
Seinfeld
"Do you want me to?"
Seinfeld
"If that's what you want."
Seinfeld
"- I don't know what you're talking about. - Fine, break up with me."
Seinfeld
"Did you, by any chance, take them with you when you left?"
Seinfeld
"Well, we were all eating the raisins."
Seinfeld
"And I remember you- You were eating some of the raisins."
Seinfeld
"...and the raisins were gone."
Seinfeld
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