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Clips from Seinfeld - The Boyfriend: Part 1 (S03E03)

"They just wouldn't give me a chance. Damn it!"
Seinfeld
"Now I'm going to need an address and a phone number for this..."
Seinfeld
"You like gum?"
Seinfeld
"Because I have a friend in the gum business. I got a gum guy!"
Seinfeld
"I make one phone call, have boxes of gum delivered right to your door."
Seinfeld
"The address is..."
Seinfeld
"Jose Jimenez. Do you recognize that?"
Seinfeld
"Very funny. Really, he's very funny."
Seinfeld
"...129 West 81st Street. It's a very small industry, Vandalay."
Seinfeld
"A phone number."
Seinfeld
"That's... KL5..."
Seinfeld
"...8383. Are you planning on calling them soon?"
Seinfeld
"Because they have very strange hours."
Seinfeld
"As soon as I'm done with you."
Seinfeld
"Sure. Well..."
Seinfeld
"You know, I'll check in with you next week."
Seinfeld
"I gotta run now because I got a full plate this afternoon."
Seinfeld
"- Okay. - All right. Really good to..."
Seinfeld
"He'll call you back!"
Seinfeld
"It's a par five."
Seinfeld
"So, you know, I step up to the tee..."
Seinfeld
"...and I hit a beautiful drive right down the middle of the fairway."
Seinfeld
"- I mean, you know my hook, right? - Elaine?"
Seinfeld
"How about this shirt? Is this okay?"
Seinfeld
"Jerry, he's a guy."
Seinfeld
"Well, it's a dogleg left, so I play the hook."
Seinfeld
"Wait, hold on. There's another call."
Seinfeld
"- Jerry! Jerry! - George?"
Seinfeld
"- Kramer, put Jerry on! - I'm in the middle of something."
Seinfeld
"- Call back. - Kramer, no-!"
Seinfeld
"So the ball takes off, and I'm waiting for it to turn."
Seinfeld
"Would you-!"
Seinfeld
"All right. Well, I'll talk to Jerry. Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Hey, that was Michael and Carol."
Seinfeld
"She's wondering when we'll go see the baby."
Seinfeld
"- See the baby. Again with the baby. - Who are they?"
Seinfeld
"A guy who used to live in the building keeps calling us to see the baby."
Seinfeld
"Maybe if you wait a few months, it won't be a baby anymore."
Seinfeld
"- Then you won't have to see it. - Because he'll be all grown-up."
Seinfeld
"Yeah..."
Seinfeld
"Hey, Kramer, what do you think of this shirt?"
Seinfeld
"It's too busy."
Seinfeld
"You're trying too hard to make an impression on him."
Seinfeld
"- You're not being yourself. - What guy?"
Seinfeld
"I know he's just a guy, but I really like him."
Seinfeld
"Who are you talking about?"
Seinfeld
"Keith... Hernandez."
Seinfeld
"Keith Hernandez?"
Seinfeld
"Keith Hernandez!"
Seinfeld
"Do me a favor, would you? Would you change lanes?"
Seinfeld
"You gotta get out of this lane. This lane stinks."
Seinfeld
"They're all double-parked. Get out, I'm begging you."
Seinfeld
"Please. Please!"
Seinfeld
"You know what?"
Seinfeld
"Bad mistake. My mistake."
Seinfeld
"Go back. Your lane was better. Forget this lane."
Seinfeld
"This lane stinks. Go back to your lane. Go ahead. Bad mistake."
Seinfeld
"Go! Go! Go! Make this light! Make this light! Oh, man!"
Seinfeld
"That's it! Get out!"
Seinfeld
"- What do you mean, get out? - Get out of the cab!"
Seinfeld
"What? I'm not getting out of this cab."
Seinfeld
"No! No! You cannot throw me out!"
Seinfeld
"Hello, Newman."
Seinfeld
"I hate Keith Hernandez."
Seinfeld
"- Why? - Why? I'll tell you why."
Seinfeld
"- You always tell. - All right, tell it."
Seinfeld
"- Just tell it. - All right."
Seinfeld
"June 14th, 1987, Mets-Phillies."
Seinfeld
"We're enjoying a beautiful afternoon in the right-field stands..."
Seinfeld
"...when a crucial Hernandez error opens the door..."
Seinfeld
"...to a five-run Phillies ninth. Cost the Mets the game!"
Seinfeld
"Our day was ruined."
Seinfeld
"There was a lot of people waiting by the players' parking lot."
Seinfeld
"Now we're coming down the ramp."
Seinfeld
"Newman was in front of me."
Seinfeld
"Hernandez was coming toward us."
Seinfeld
"As he passes us, Newman turns and says, Nice game, pretty boy."
Seinfeld
"Hernandez continued past us up the ramp."
Seinfeld
"Then, a second later, something happened..."
Seinfeld
"...that changed us in a very deep and profound way..."
Seinfeld
"...from that day forward."
Seinfeld
"- What was it? - He spit on us!"
Seinfeld
"And I screamed out, I'm hit!"
Seinfeld
"Then I turned, and the spit ricocheted off him, and it hit me."
Seinfeld
"What a story."
Seinfeld
"Unfortunately, the immutable laws of physics contradict..."
Seinfeld
"...the whole premise of your account."
Seinfeld
"Allow me to reconstruct this, if I may, for Ms. Benes..."
Seinfeld
"...as I've heard this story a number of times."
Seinfeld
"Newman, Kramer, if you'll indulge me."
Seinfeld
"...Hernandez passes you and starts walking up the ramp."
Seinfeld
"...on the right temple."
Seinfeld
"The spit then proceeds to ricochet..."
Seinfeld
"...off the temple, striking Newman between the third and the fourth rib."
Seinfeld
"The spit then came off the rib..."
Seinfeld
"...made a right turn, hitting Newman in the right wrist..."
Seinfeld
"...causing him to drop his baseball cap."
Seinfeld
"The spit then splashed off the wrist, pauses..."
Seinfeld
"...in midair, mind you..."
Seinfeld
"...makes a left turn and lands on Newman's left thigh."
Seinfeld
"That is one magic loogie."
Seinfeld
"What happened to your head when you got hit?"
Seinfeld
"Well, my head..."
Seinfeld
"...went back, to the left."
Seinfeld
"- Say that again. - Back and to the left."
Seinfeld
"Back and to the left."
Seinfeld
"Back and to the left."
Seinfeld
"So, what are you saying?"
Seinfeld
"I'm saying..."
Seinfeld
"...that the spit could not have come from behind."
Seinfeld
"That there had to have been a second spitter."
Seinfeld
"Behind the bushes, on the gravelly road."
Seinfeld
"If the spitter was behind you, as you claim..."
Seinfeld
"...that would've caused your head to pitch forward."
Seinfeld
"So the spit could've only come from the front and to the right."
Seinfeld
"But that's not what they would have you believe."
Seinfeld
"Jerry's a nut."
Seinfeld
"The sad thing is, we may never know the real truth."
Seinfeld
"Did anybody call asking for Vandalay Industries?"
Seinfeld
"- No, what happened to you? - All right, listen closely:"
Seinfeld
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