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Clips from American Dad! (2005) - Comedy (S01E01)

"The threat level has been lowered, prompting reductions in security."
American Dad! (2005)
"Now, how hard is that? Let's check the freeways."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Sweet. Wanna play backgammon? - Do I."
American Dad! (2005)
"- What's this? Smells like crap. - It should be empty. I had my soup for lunch."
American Dad! (2005)
"Actually, it's a Cape Cod. The shutters are a dead giveaway."
American Dad! (2005)
"- but it's not for the squeamish. - I'm not gonna look."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Friend, what's the real deal? - You're not going to die..."
American Dad! (2005)
"They let me come say goodbye."
American Dad! (2005)
"Yeah? Who's the loser now, loser?"
American Dad! (2005)
"I don't believe this. We're all gonna die."
American Dad! (2005)
"- What are you doing? - Measuring for drapes."
American Dad! (2005)
"I'm thinking something vibrant, like a sea foam green."
American Dad! (2005)
"Cos I'm gonna need a lot of happy to get over all this sad."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Dimmer switches everywhere. - What makes you think you'll survive?"
American Dad! (2005)
"And watch the entire first season of 24 on DVD."
American Dad! (2005)
"- I can't believe I'll die a virgin. - Sweetie."
American Dad! (2005)
"That clock's always fast. Let's give it a few more minutes."
American Dad! (2005)
"- So that means... - We're gonna be OK."
American Dad! (2005)
"- What's wrong, honey? We're alive. - I know, and that's good."
American Dad! (2005)
"I've given you everything you could ever want."
American Dad! (2005)
"- What's going on? - Hi, Barb Hanson, Exposition Realty."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Any questions? - No, that was very concise."
American Dad! (2005)
"Call if you ever need a real estate agent. I'm also a hand model."
American Dad! (2005)
"And I'll dress up as a sea captain."
American Dad! (2005)
"Wait. Go."
American Dad! (2005)
"Hi, Barb Hanson, Exposition Realty."
American Dad! (2005)
"Mind if I borrow one of your napkins? Thanks."
American Dad! (2005)
"Reporters. That's right, Francine, members of the liberal media."
American Dad! (2005)
"You know damn well I like Brit Hume."
American Dad! (2005)
"She's having fun chewing her new bone, selling a few houses,"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Thank you very much. - You paid? You were going to the bathroom."
American Dad! (2005)
"willing to "go wild" in exchange for a little financial aid."
American Dad! (2005)
"We'll have ourselves a little photo shoot."
American Dad! (2005)
"After that, we make thousands of duplicates, market the tapes on late-night cable TV."
American Dad! (2005)
"It's strained between me and the missus."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Go, go, go. You're all under arrest. - For what?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- This office is closed. - What are you saying?"
American Dad! (2005)
"I'm saying you're fired."
American Dad! (2005)
"- That's real-estate chatter. - She's closing a duplex at 4% over list."
American Dad! (2005)
"Forget it."
American Dad! (2005)
"My job is a career. This is just some silly housewife's hobby."
American Dad! (2005)
"She's good at it. In fact, she kicks ass."
American Dad! (2005)
"- It was my house first. - You can't stand in the way of progress."
American Dad! (2005)
"It's called bum fights. I'll make a fortune on tickets."
American Dad! (2005)
"All right, I'll handle this. Let me get this straight, son."
American Dad! (2005)
"You're pitting desperate, downtrodden men against one another for profit?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- A diamond ring? - I also got you a mink stole."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Well, you can't, but I can. - But how did you get..."
American Dad! (2005)
"Smile for LeRoy Neiman. He's painting us right now."
American Dad! (2005)
"Yeah."
American Dad! (2005)
"free doggy daycare, human dignity." I can't meet these demands."
American Dad! (2005)
"I found a bum willing to scab. All you gotta do is dress up like a bum and fight him."
American Dad! (2005)
"You're a life-saver. All right, where's the bum stupid enough to step into a ring with me?"
American Dad! (2005)
"My God. You couldn't get me the Aviator or the Tickler or Pillow-Hands McGraw?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Don't let it eat my heart."
American Dad! (2005)
"We're adopting."
American Dad! (2005)
"Let me show you the back yard. It's the perfect place for a baby to play."
American Dad! (2005)
"My God."
American Dad! (2005)
"We paid this guy to take a dive then bet everything on you."
American Dad! (2005)
"So this whole thing was a setup?"
American Dad! (2005)
"No!"
American Dad! (2005)
"You make more of it than me. I'm a failure as a man."
American Dad! (2005)
"No, Stan, we're equals. We share everything, good and bad."
American Dad! (2005)
"Thanks. Hey, teach a man to fish, huh?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Finally learning his own self-worth."
American Dad! (2005)
"This hike by federal reserve chairman Alan Greenspan"
American Dad! (2005)
"Can I keep this mouse pad? I'm keeping this mouse pad."
American Dad! (2005)
"- That's all for this morning. See you at noon. - And I'll see you tonight."
American Dad! (2005)
"The Channel 3 Noon Report, with anchor partners Greg Corbin and Terry Bates."
American Dad! (2005)
"News that's independent, proud and unashamed."
American Dad! (2005)
"The threat level is now blue,"
American Dad! (2005)
"- same as my handsome coanchor's eyes. - Stop."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Come on, now. Learn to take a compliment. - Thank you."
American Dad! (2005)
"Hey, they just lowered the terror level."
American Dad! (2005)
"Well done. Our country is a full colour-value safer."
American Dad! (2005)
"Hey. The boss just said we could take a half-day."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Wanna ride the escalators at the mall? - Do I."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Take something out or close the refrigerator. - Nothing looks good to me."
American Dad! (2005)
"You know what looks good? Francine bent over that sink."
American Dad! (2005)
"Klaus, calm down. Well, you're home early."
American Dad! (2005)
"That's my reward for making the world a safer place."
American Dad! (2005)
"That and this magnificent paycheck."
American Dad! (2005)
"- That's my Stan the Man. - Here's your allowance, champ."
American Dad! (2005)
"I'll give you $10 not to tell me this story."
American Dad! (2005)
"Honey, why is there a biohazard symbol on your Thermos?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Lemme see that."
American Dad! (2005)
"This is not soup."
American Dad! (2005)
"Langley Falls, where the Smith family is quarantined in their Georgian colonial home."
American Dad! (2005)
"Thanks for correcting me, that's how I learn."
American Dad! (2005)
"We have an image of what that might look like,"
American Dad! (2005)
"This is a nightmare."
American Dad! (2005)
"Don't worry, the media sensationalises everything."
American Dad! (2005)
"- See there? - What a relief."
American Dad! (2005)
"...for 24 hours."
American Dad! (2005)
"Just enough time for you to learn not to interrupt someone when they're talking."
American Dad! (2005)
"We'll find a place for that homeless shelter."
American Dad! (2005)
"Thanks for all your hard work, Hayley. And thanks for walking me home."
American Dad! (2005)
"My God."
American Dad! (2005)
"I was helping the homeless while you were being a loser."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Mom, Steve just infected me. - Nobody likes a snitch."
American Dad! (2005)
"Yeah, tough break. Can you hold this for me?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- I'm immune to all human ailments. - So explain that cold sore."
American Dad! (2005)
"We have to make the most of our last 24 hours together."
American Dad! (2005)
"She's right. We should sit together as a family."
American Dad! (2005)
"There was a 70-80% chance of that happening anyway."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Daddy. - No tears, dammit. A Smith dies with dignity."
American Dad! (2005)
"Right. I should probably wait."
American Dad! (2005)
"This is it."
American Dad! (2005)
"Look."
American Dad! (2005)
"- I was just snoozing. - You're alive. We all are."
American Dad! (2005)
"Yes. Although apparently your manners died years ago."
American Dad! (2005)
"But, well, when I thought we were gonna die,"
American Dad! (2005)
"it made me realise how little I've done with my life."
American Dad! (2005)
"And now I guess I'm feeling unfulfilled."
American Dad! (2005)
"Your virus scare prompted these folks to put their house on the market."
American Dad! (2005)
"Sweet Sean Hannity. Your hands are lovely."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Come on, Francine. - Boy. She seems so confident."
American Dad! (2005)
"Absolutely. We will absolutely get you a real estate costume. You'll look adorable."
American Dad! (2005)
"- I mean a real job. - It'll be great."
American Dad! (2005)
"I can't be a real estate agentjust because you say so. It takes years to get a licence."
American Dad! (2005)
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