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Clips from Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Jake and Sophia (S02E02)

"debating who's the better ping-pong player."
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
"How do you know if you didn't play?"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
"Oh, we played, which was difficult"
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"since she didn't have a table or paddles."
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"It was very messy."
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"Hey guys."
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"Ah, hello, district attorney kurm."
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"That's great."
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"Yeah."
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"So we have a little delay."
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"Gary, the defense attorney, isn't gonna be here."
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"Oh, is he sore from high-fiving criminals"
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"he's gotten out of jail?"
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"who then murdered him to celebrate?"
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"Replaced? He should be put down."
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"Like a horse."
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"Ah, it's like if John McClane slept with Hans Gruber."
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"We didn't talk about our jobs."
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"Let's go over the events of tonight."
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"up to my apartment, and I kissed you first."
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"Hey. All right, I'm gonna go talk to her."
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"Okay."
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"Yeah. You never told me you were a cop."
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"Yeah, and you never told me you were a lawyer."
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"Well, I didn't wanna intimidate you."
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"Okay, well, not to burst your bubble,"
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"I'm so good at word-using-itude.""
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"Okay, you know what?"
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"This is clearly a conflict of interest."
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"Because I'm not interested in you."
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"Ah."
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"It's like a had sex with Hans Gruber."
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"What... I'm not the Gruber!"
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"You're the Gruber!"
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"Die Hard."
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"Captain, Rosa's trying to make me run for union rep."
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"You have to stop her."
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"I cannot do that."
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"As I told you, I'm not allowed to get involved."
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"It's too late anyway."
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"You already have a campaign slogan."
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"Again, I cannot."
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"Lord knows I have enough poster board at home."
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"But captain, please tell her I shouldn't run for union rep."
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"So, Amy, you're saying I should just return this..."
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"Button maker?"
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"This is a joke."
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"Still not participating."
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"I'm enjoying a magazine."
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"Joke's on you, Amy. You and Scully"
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"are giving campaign speeches"
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"What?"
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"for being a jerk."
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"Stop it, both of you."
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"I will not get involved, and I will not have this office"
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"transformed into a house of snipes and jabs."
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"Dismissed."
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"Full disclosure, your honor."
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"and we had colitis."
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"Colitis?"
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"Coitus."
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"Yeah, that."
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"A cop and a defense attorney sleeping together."
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"I should have been able to guess, however,"
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"based on her ability to lie all over me."
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"It's like watching a horse try to eat with a fork."
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"Majestic and hilarious?"
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"Take a cold shower, horn-dog, we're at work."
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"But in all seriousness, your honor,"
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"Why? You think I might tell everybody in the courtroom"
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"that you like to be the little spoon?"
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"Everyone likes to be the little spoon."
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"It makes you feel safe!"
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"Carl, back me up on this."
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"Look, I'm not recusing myself."
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"then I see no reason why we can't proceed."
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"Great. I can be mature."
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"Says the guy who uses a sunglasses case as a wallet."
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"Stuff can be two things."
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"Open up your refrigerator, boom!"
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"Air conditioner. Life hacked."
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"Carl, back me up."
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"I mean, it's not very green."
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"Oh, Carl."
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"Guys, guys, guys, guys!"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
"of a Mr. Matt Pittle of Pittle's vittles,"
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"my favorite food blog!"
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"Wow, a local food blog."
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"It's all happening."
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"Attention, skeezy nobodies!"
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"has contacted me and wants to audition me tonight."
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"Sounds like both of you have pretty great plans tonight."
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"No! You wrote the email from Pittle"
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"so I'd drop my claim to the room."
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"That blog is sacred."
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"You defiled the most sacred"
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"and most high miss... Tina kno-w-les!"
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"How'd you get your voice so high?"
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"I wish you wouldn't."
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"The room is mine, you scab."
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"No, it's mine, Gina."
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"I'm backing up."
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"Beep, beep, beep."
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"You nervous?"
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"Nope."
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"I have an unimpeachable eyewitness who saw everything."
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"Plus, I've got a little something planned"
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"for our lawyer friend."
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"Every time she looks over,"
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"It'll remind her that we kissed,"
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"and that's how I get in her head."
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"You want me to flex and make all the buttons"
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"pop off of my shirt?"
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"Yes! You can do that?"
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"Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay."
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"And you're sure this is the man"
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"you saw leaving the store at the time of the diamond heist?"
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"Uh, yeah. That's the guy."
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"Now, Mr. Wells, it says here"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
"you have a 2006 conviction for perjury, is that correct?"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
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