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Clips from Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Jake and Sophia (S02E02)

Amy Santiago is officially late for the first time ever.

"Amy Santiago is officially late for the first time ever."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

All right, let's do this. Who's got theories?

"All right, let's do this. Who's got theories?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

All three alarms? All with battery back-up?

"All three alarms? All with battery back-up?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Come on, who wants to take this seriously?

"Come on, who wants to take this seriously?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That's what I'm talking about!

"That's what I'm talking about!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Super dark, Boyle, but way more plausible

"Super dark, Boyle, but way more plausible"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

than the sarge's idiotic alarm clock theory.

"than the sarge's idiotic alarm clock theory."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I bet she tucked herself into bed too tight

"I bet she tucked herself into bed too tight"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Amy Santiago is a few minutes late,

"Amy Santiago is a few minutes late,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

There was a problem at the bank.

"There was a problem at the bank."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Good. Not to over state it,

"Good. Not to over state it,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So how long have you known Rosa?

"So how long have you known Rosa?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

None of your business.

"None of your business."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Maybe it's you.

"Maybe it's you."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I dazzle them with a bad-ass cop story.

"I dazzle them with a bad-ass cop story."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Have you ever thought about going

"Have you ever thought about going"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, so the weirder of the two choices.

"Oh, so the weirder of the two choices."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

All right, fine. I get what you're saying.

"All right, fine. I get what you're saying."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Your wife's awesome and I should do everything

"Your wife's awesome and I should do everything"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Just talk about my own interests.

"Just talk about my own interests."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Scully is running again, unopposed.

"Scully is running again, unopposed."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

If there's one thing to take away

"If there's one thing to take away"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

from the new contract, it's that holiday pay

"from the new contract, it's that holiday pay"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

is "now capped."

"is "now capped.""

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

As management, I'm not allowed to talk about union matters.

"As management, I'm not allowed to talk about union matters."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Scully doesn't know anything about our pensions

"Scully doesn't know anything about our pensions"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What I think is, I will continue

"What I think is, I will continue"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hey, you should run.

"Hey, you should run."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You love that nerd stuff.

"You love that nerd stuff."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What do you do?

"What do you do?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Maybe.

"Maybe."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh man, these look spicy!

"Oh man, these look spicy!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You know, I actually heard about a guy

"You know, I actually heard about a guy"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

who died while eating hot wings. Really?

"who died while eating hot wings. Really?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I always thought I'd die at the hands of my own clone.

"I always thought I'd die at the hands of my own clone."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, my God! Ah!

"Oh, my God! Ah!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

labeled "fire spirit."

"labeled "fire spirit.""

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, it's not empty.

"No, it's not empty."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Mm.

"Mm."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

See, that's why I didn't want to pre-pay, Charles.

"See, that's why I didn't want to pre-pay, Charles."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yeah, but that's why we got such a good deal.

"Yeah, but that's why we got such a good deal."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Don't worry, you can have your half

"Don't worry, you can have your half"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

of the money back, and I'll take the room.

"of the money back, and I'll take the room."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Ew!

"Ew!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What is happening?

"What is happening?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You're running against me.

"You're running against me."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'll get her to stop.

"I'll get her to stop."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You are looking very happy.

"You are looking very happy."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Sexy-times!

"Sexy-times!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

The food!

"The food!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

watched die hards one through with a vengeance,

"watched die hards one through with a vengeance,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

did some adult stuff, and spent the rest of the night

"did some adult stuff, and spent the rest of the night"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

She was adorably wrong.

"She was adorably wrong."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I got lucky last night.

"I got lucky last night."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Did he get a murderer off

"Did he get a murderer off"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, God.

"Oh, God."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake, this is bad!

"Jake, this is bad!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You slept with a defense attorney.

"You slept with a defense attorney."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You literally slept with the enemy.

"You literally slept with the enemy."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I know.

"I know."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Wait, are you sure you want to do this?

"Wait, are you sure you want to do this?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

We got drunk together, I invited you

"We got drunk together, I invited you"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No further questions.

"No further questions."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hey, so this is weird, huh?

"Hey, so this is weird, huh?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Intimidate? Wow.

"Intimidate? Wow."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

that have a moral compass, like police officer.

"that have a moral compass, like police officer."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So you're intimidated by your own job?

"So you're intimidated by your own job?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I can't even believe I have to deal with you all week.

"I can't even believe I have to deal with you all week."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So I'm just gonna talk to the judge

"So I'm just gonna talk to the judge"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Ha ha! No, there's no conflict of interest.

"Ha ha! No, there's no conflict of interest."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

God, I can't believe I slept with a cop.

"God, I can't believe I slept with a cop."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

"Pick Amy, dummies." I wrote that.

""Pick Amy, dummies." I wrote that."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Look, I love campaigning and making signs.

"Look, I love campaigning and making signs."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm just gonna turn around in my chair.

"I'm just gonna turn around in my chair."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Sir, you've gotta see this.

"Sir, you've gotta see this."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

in the briefing room tomorrow.

"in the briefing room tomorrow."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Sir, permission to arrest Diaz

"Sir, permission to arrest Diaz"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Now you've done it.

"Now you've done it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You've made me turn my chair.

"You've made me turn my chair."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Last night, miss Perez and I got inebriated,

"Last night, miss Perez and I got inebriated,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Ha ha... a cop's attempt to be clever.

"Ha ha... a cop's attempt to be clever."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- Yes, little spoon all the way. - See?

"- Yes, little spoon all the way. - See?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I talked to my client, and he is fine

"I talked to my client, and he is fine"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

If the defendant is okay with it,

"If the defendant is okay with it,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and you two can be mature in the courtroom,

"and you two can be mature in the courtroom,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Guys!

"Guys!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Tina Knowles, Beyonce's mom-ager,

"Tina Knowles, Beyonce's mom-ager,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

How dare you, Charles?

"How dare you, Charles?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I can take it higher.

"I can take it higher."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm not backing down this time.

"I'm not backing down this time."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm gonna hit her with one of these.

"I'm gonna hit her with one of these."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And is Sidney Wells actually your name,

"And is Sidney Wells actually your name,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

in New Jersey? Yeah.

"in New Jersey? Yeah."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Or that. Oh, God... okay, time to bust out the big guns.

"Or that. Oh, God... okay, time to bust out the big guns."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

This is bad.

"This is bad."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Don't worry, we'll get some evidence.

"Don't worry, we'll get some evidence."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Look, you know your client did it.

"Look, you know your client did it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That's what I've been saying. It doesn't matter.

"That's what I've been saying. It doesn't matter."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

It's the basis of our entire justice system.

"It's the basis of our entire justice system."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What, you think John Adams was just some idiot?

"What, you think John Adams was just some idiot?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, I think John Adams was a mini-series

"No, I think John Adams was a mini-series"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Look, without a credible witness, your case is a mess.

"Look, without a credible witness, your case is a mess."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Wish that had sounded cooler.

"Wish that had sounded cooler."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, thank you. All right.

"No, thank you. All right."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

so no time for chit-chat.

"so no time for chit-chat."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But seriously, I think you need to get checked for rabies.

"But seriously, I think you need to get checked for rabies."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Uh-huh. All right, listen.

"Uh-huh. All right, listen."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Can we focus up?

"Can we focus up?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Just pointing people to the one Detective

"Just pointing people to the one Detective"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Pretty clever signing me up for the speech this afternoon.

"Pretty clever signing me up for the speech this afternoon."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Mm-hmm.

"Mm-hmm."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

As you know, I shouldn't be talking about this election

"As you know, I shouldn't be talking about this election"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Because you trust me.

"Because you trust me."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

It's a haranguing.

"It's a haranguing."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But, sir, I want to be captain one day,

"But, sir, I want to be captain one day,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You know, the weird stuff.

"You know, the weird stuff."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You called it a pow-wow!

"You called it a pow-wow!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So, Detective Peralta,

"So, Detective Peralta,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

who once said, "to believe all men honest is folly.

"who once said, "to believe all men honest is folly."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

To believe none... Is something worse."

"To believe none... Is something worse.""

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

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