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Clips from Chappelle's Show - Episode #2.13 (S02E02)

"Don't go anywhere."
Chappelle's Show
"Man, I'm bored."
Chappelle's Show
"I gotta go to the Chappelle show."
Chappelle's Show
"You know, I've talked about a lot of things on the show,"
Chappelle's Show
"I've made fun of so many different people."
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"And people say, Dave, you talk about everybody"
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"except the President, why don't you do that?"
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"Well, 'cause he's the President."
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"and I wouldn't wanna cross 'em."
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"But I will say this."
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"If our President were black,"
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"we would not be at war right now."
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"Not because a black person"
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"wouldn't have done something like that,"
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"just because America wouldn't let a black person"
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"do something like that"
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"without asking them a million questions."
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"You know, they always do polls,"
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"like, "minorities just don't seem to trust their government.""
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"Because you don't understand what it looks like for us."
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"So let me help paint the picture."
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"Ladies and gentlemen, I bring to you now, "Black Bush.""
Chappelle's Show
"(female narrator) President Bush continues to make his case"
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"After carefully examining the region,"
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"is definitely ripe for regime change."
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"A'ight."
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"But if I can be real about it..."
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"be real, son. Be real?"
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"Be real real, son."
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"They tried to kill my father, man."
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"Word."
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"I don't play that shit."
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"Say word, he tried to kill your father, son."
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"That nigga tried to kill my father!"
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"we comin' to see ya'll, son."
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"Meanwhile, President Bush"
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"and British Prime Minister Tony Blair"
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"offered a spirited explanation for a possible war with Iraq."
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"This nigga very possibly has weapons of mass destruction."
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"I can't sleep on that."
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"That's not how I roll, that shit is serious!"
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"Now if you don't want to take my word for it,"
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"why don't you ask Tony Blair?"
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"He got a whole 'nother set of intelligence."
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"What's up, Tony?"
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"We don't know much about Saddam,"
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"but we can't trust random niggas"
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"with things like that, as George so eloquently put it."
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"I'm with him 100% of the way."
Chappelle's Show
"(male narrator) If United States goes to war with Iraq,"
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"will it first have to provide evidence"
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"that Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass destruction?"
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"So far, the U.N. Has found nothing,"
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"but President Bush counters with this:"
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"The nigga bought aluminum tubes!"
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"Do I need to tell you"
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"what the fuck you can do with an aluminum tube?"
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"Aluminum!"
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"Fine, I didn't wanna say this..."
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"He went to Africa and he bought yellow cake."
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"Are you sure?"
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"Yes, I'm sure, bitch!"
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"I got the head of CIA right here, he'll tell you!"
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"Are you sure..."
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"are you sure... I can't believe you motherfuckers."
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"This is ridiculous... ridiculous!"
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"Me and Jeb just comin' back from Africa."
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"Cradle of fuckin' civilization."
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"And this nigga out here buyin' yellow cake."
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"Are you sure it was yellow cake?"
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"Y'all niggas don't believe me,"
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"Look, you see, you believe this shit now."
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"Don't drop that shit!"
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"I know, I know what to do with it!"
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"That's why I got it wrapped up in this special CIA napkin."
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"Just don't drop that shit here."
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"You better hope I don't drop this shit!"
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"Pray to God you don't drop that shit."
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"Yellow cake."
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"Fuckin' right."
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"A sensitive accusation for this administration"
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"is the theory held by many that the real reason"
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"the U.S. is so interested in toppling Saddam"
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"is control of the oil that Iraq is sitting on."
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"(woman) What about people who say"
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"you're only interested in the Middle East for oil?"
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"What?"
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"Huh? Oil?"
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"Who said something about oil, bitch, you cookin'?"
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"Oil?"
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"Come on ya'll, get outta here!"
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"President Bush met with U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan"
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"and made it clear the U.S. will act"
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"even if the U.N.is reluctant."
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"U.N., you have a problem with that?"
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"Know what you should do?"
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"You should sanction me."
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"Sanction me with your Army."
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"Oh! Wait a minute!"
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"You don't have an Army!"
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"I guess that means you need to shut the fuck up!"
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"That's what I'd do if I had no Army."
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"Shut-the-fuck-up!"
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"You might speak 16 languages, but you gonna need 'em"
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"when you in Times Square selling fake hats."
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"I know Gucci when I see it, nigga, I'm rich."
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"I got a coalition of the willing."
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"I got 40 nations, ready to roll, son!"
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"(man) Like who?"
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"Who the fuck said that?"
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"Huh? Huh?"
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"Like who?"
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"England."
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"Japan's sending Playstations."
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"Stankonia said they're willing to drop bombs over Baghdad."
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"and I am not disrespecting the U.N."
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"Even though they don't got no Army."
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"Go sell some medicine, bitches!"
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"Trying to get that oil... oh, ho!"
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"The U.S. fired the opening salvo in the war on Iraq"
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