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Clips from Chappelle's Show - Episode #2.13 (S02E02)

"Thank you, guys, man, shoot."
Chappelle's Show
"Thank you, man."
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"Thanks... oh."
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"Because anytime you hear"
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"I had to take a dump."
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"It wasn't fit for Christian butt cheeks."
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"and take what would be known"
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"in American history."
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"He immediately called the local police"
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"Come outta there, Holloway."
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"good lord, it's mud butt!"
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"Finally, I just let them haul me off to jail."
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"Desecration of a white facility with negroid feces."
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"Here's your evidence."
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"we are gathered here today to discuss"
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"Our voices will be heard!"
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"The shit-in made national news"
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"it will undoubtedly stink."
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"down by the riverside"
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"Wooo!"
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"(phone ringing)"
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"What?!"
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"It's me... Lil' Jon."
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"I said, don't you like popsicles?"
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"What?!"
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"Sometimes I feel like I am all alone in this world"
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"Yeah!"
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"Yeah, yeah I do."
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"Okay!"
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"They callin' me."
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"Are you sure it's mine?"
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""A Moment in the Life of Lil' Jon.""
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"Hey gang, we're gonna take a quick commercial break."
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"Welcome back to the show."
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"Now, I know my limits, ladies and gentlemen"
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"for an invasion of Iraq."
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"me and my cabinet agree that that area"
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"We don't know what he has."
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"That don't scare you?"
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"the motherfucker bought some yellow cake, okay, in Africa."
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"From the motherland."
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"I got some yellow cake right here!"
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"Man, I don't know."
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"I would shh! The fuck up."
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"You think I'm gonna take orders from an African?"
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"with at least 40 Tomahawk cruise missiles"
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"is on board the aircraft carrier U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln"
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"For the second straight day, these hardline Iraqis"
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"Fine, I'll answer your stupid-ass question."
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"The United States of Space."
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"Don't go nowhere and we'll be right back"
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"sucka go right to motherfuckin' high."
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"'cause my baby mama left me but there's nobody at home"
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"well, it's some real shit"
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"I woke up very upset"
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"I'm trying to stay up outta that womb"
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"Luther Vandross couldn't make a home"
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"out of this house that we smooshed"
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"you build it up to break it down"
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"repeatedly leading a path that only ends in a clash"
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"throw your neck out throw your back out"
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"when I change him he's peeing I think he's pissed"
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"I can't dismiss the matter of the fact"
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"set an example"
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"It's been an amazing season."
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"We shook up the world!"
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"I'm out!"
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"Antwone, take a bow!"
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"Chappelle's Show."
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"Chappelle's Show."
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"Oww."
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"Whoo-hoo-hoo."
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"Whoo-hoo."
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"Yeah, yeah."
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"Man, thank you, guys."
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"Thanks, man."
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"Yo, what's up, man?"
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"Oh man, you all got me like, you got me touched tonight."
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"I would actually cry but the reefer has dried my eyes out."
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"You know, I wish my grandmother could see me."
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"My grandmother gave me the best advice in my life."
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"She said, "you know, Dave,"
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""everybody wants to be the first person"
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""to do something."
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""Well, let me tell you something."
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""Don't ever be the first black person"
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"to do anything.""
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"about the first black dude that did something,"
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"it's a terrible story, no matter how benign."
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"Imagine, like who was the first black person"
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"Well, we did some research"
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"and I think you'll be surprised at what we found."
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"Good evening, I'm Philip Halston."
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"In 1954, the United States was marred with unrest."
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"With the bus boycotts in Montgomery,"
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"and Brown versus the Board of Education"
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"still under deliberation,"
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"the social climate was changing rapidly."
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"It was in this context that one man,"
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"Cyrus Holloway, made history"
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"when he took on the rural town of Hartsfield, Alabama."
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"I remember it was a hot day"
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"and I was working the double shift at the steel mill."
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"Between shifts I went outside"
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"and bought myself a roast beef sandwich"
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"from a boy who that used to sell 'em out front."
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"But little did I know that roast beef sandwich"
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"would change my life forever."
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"Not long after lunch, I felt a bubblin' in my stomach,"
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"an evil bubblin'."
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"A bubble that to me signified nothing else"
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"but the early stages of mud butt."
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"I had to take a dump immediately."
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"The closest colored bathroom was located"
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"in the basement of the steel mill near the boiler room."
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"Oh, that toilet was disgusting."
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"My only options at that time"
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"were I could either go doo-doo in my trousers,"
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"which I couldn't do,"
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"that was my only good pair at the time."
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