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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - Rally (S09E09)

"Never again. I vow it."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm more worried about taking vows with this pile of garbage in a few hours."
How I Met Your Mother
"- What do we do? - You guys see the irony here?"
How I Met Your Mother
"The only person who could possibly get Barney back on his feet is Barney."
How I Met Your Mother
"TED: See, over the years, we'd all come to experience something Barney called:"
How I Met Your Mother
"The most effective post-bender-head's- too-tender-ender from here to Denver."
How I Met Your Mother
"- What's in it? - Glad you asked."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Columbia University, 1941. - I take it back."
How I Met Your Mother
"... who is most famous for being a world-class drunk..."
How I Met Your Mother
"... commissioned a top-secret project:"
How I Met Your Mother
"Develop an elixir to cure the common hangover."
How I Met Your Mother
"And what brilliant scientific mind did boozy old FDR..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...pick to head up this historic task? - My head hurts. Let's just speed this along."
How I Met Your Mother
"You're clearly ripping off the story of the Manhattan Project..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...which was run by Dr. Robert Oppenheimer..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...so I'm gonna guess it was your distant relative..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...Barnert Stinsonheimer?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Somebody's read their history books."
How I Met Your Mother
"The first batch exploded, which sounded kind of like this:"
How I Met Your Mother
"Just let me finish. But the second batch..."
How I Met Your Mother
"... sadly also exploded."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Boom! - Oh! Why are you here right now?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Do you want to hear the story? - No. Please leave."
How I Met Your Mother
"After some trial and error, Dr. Stinsonheimer..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Hang on. Funyuns? Tantrum soda?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Sure. - In 1941?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Sure. They haven't made new Tantrum since then, it lasts a while."
How I Met Your Mother
"Anyway, the elixir was such a success..."
How I Met Your Mother
"... he was awarded the Bro-Bel Prize. True story."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Boom! - Why?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- That time I was just messing with you. - Just give me the stupid drink."
How I Met Your Mother
"TED: And the craziest part was..."
How I Met Your Mother
"I feel better."
How I Met Your Mother
"Over the years, each of us would discover that Barney's elixir actually worked."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Like way better. - What's in this thing again?"
How I Met Your Mother
"You told me most of the ingredients in your story."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'll take it with me to my grave."
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay, we have to get this leaky barf bag back on his feet before the wedding pictures."
How I Met Your Mother
"We know what Barney would want to do."
How I Met Your Mother
"No, we are not doing Weekend at Barney's."
How I Met Your Mother
"But that's the dream. I can't believe I just said that."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Someone suggest something useful. - Here's the plan."
How I Met Your Mother
"Marshall, you and Ted go gather the ingredients we do know."
How I Met Your Mother
"Robin, you wake up Barney long enough to find out the secret ingredient."
How I Met Your Mother
"And I'll race down to the spa to keep my 8:15 mani and pedi."
How I Met Your Mother
"...walk out that door and Zabka is my maid of honor."
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay, let's start simple: Fresh ocean air."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Come on, baby. BOTH: Come on, honey."
How I Met Your Mother
"ROBIN: Come on, love. Yeah. - Baby."
How I Met Your Mother
"All right, I'll get the elevator."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, I should get some water."
How I Met Your Mother
"[LILY & ROBIN GRUNT]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay. So accidentally throwing Barney down the stairs did not wake him up."
How I Met Your Mother
"Nor did banging his head on each step as we dragged him back up here."
How I Met Your Mother
"So how do we wake him up long enough to tell us the final ingredient?"
How I Met Your Mother
"When my sister and I had trouble getting up for school..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...my dad had a few cute tricks."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'll do it! I swear to God I'll do it!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Your dad used to do this to you?"
How I Met Your Mother
"With a Cabbage Patch doll and ax, but same idea."
How I Met Your Mother
"Trust me, I was never late for kindergarten again."
How I Met Your Mother
"What? Come on."
How I Met Your Mother
"Ugh. I second Marshall's vow. I will never ever get that drunk again."
How I Met Your Mother
"TED: Yeah, she would."
How I Met Your Mother
"My baby boy's in college. Did you pack enough undies?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Yes, Mom. Shh."
How I Met Your Mother
"...from binge studying. Saved it."
How I Met Your Mother
"That reminds me, mister, no underage drinking."
How I Met Your Mother
"No good comes from hanging out in bars and getting drunk."
How I Met Your Mother
"But every story from your 20's starts in a bar."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Listen to your mother. - Aw... What are we gonna do..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...without you in the house?"
How I Met Your Mother
"LILY: We got him out of the house. Drink up."
How I Met Your Mother
"Mm. Whoo!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, boy."
How I Met Your Mother
"- You son of a bitch. - You son of a me."
How I Met Your Mother
"All right, we got most of the ingredients on our list: Ginger, bananas, Funyuns."
How I Met Your Mother
"I can't believe that mini-mart sold Tantrum. It's been discontinued for years."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Grease? - Grease."
How I Met Your Mother
"At the Farhampton Inn, we don't cook with grease."
How I Met Your Mother
"Our menu is organic, farm-to-table, locally grown. No "grease.""
How I Met Your Mother
"Sir, I am from Minnesota..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...where every meal is cooked with grease and my father dubbed it:"
How I Met Your Mother
""The tastiest eats in the whole gosh darn world," so..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Point is, it tastes really good. Also, we need it to help a friend..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...there's bacon grease. - Which we throw out."
How I Met Your Mother
"We aren't making any more bacon today."
How I Met Your Mother
"Not unless it all somehow gets eaten in the 10 minutes before breakfast is over."
How I Met Your Mother
"No, no, no. Ted, do not give me that look."
How I Met Your Mother
"A mountain of food, a ticking clock? Come on, you live for this stuff."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm a Columbia-educated lawyer, poised to become ajudge before age 35."
How I Met Your Mother
"And remind me, how did you celebrate getting accepted into Columbia?"
How I Met Your Mother
"You eat one 8-pound block of fudge in 12 minutes and you're marked for life."
How I Met Your Mother
"You're not marked for life, Big Fudge."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm out, okay? You eat the bacon."
How I Met Your Mother
"You know I can't, I'm allergic."
How I Met Your Mother
"...your mother made up so you'd eat healthy."
How I Met Your Mother
"Bacon, donuts, Halloween candy..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, my God, that bitch lied to me."
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay, I'll do it."
How I Met Your Mother
"But, look, I don't even know if I'll like bacon."
How I Met Your Mother
"[SNIFFS]"
How I Met Your Mother
"What do you think?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I have seen the face of God."
How I Met Your Mother
"Making out with each other."
How I Met Your Mother
"- You really think that will wake him up? - Wake up who now?"
How I Met Your Mother
"[BARNEY GRUNTING]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Ugh. Look at this soggy bag of snot. That's it, I am joining Marshall's vow."
How I Met Your Mother
"I am never, ever getting that drunk again."
How I Met Your Mother
"TED: Kids, you see where this is going."
How I Met Your Mother
"Look, let's just agree: Absolute silence for the rest of the day."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Oh... - Ha-ha-ha. Every time. You want me to get her?"
How I Met Your Mother
"No, I got her."
How I Met Your Mother
"Shh, shh, shh. Shh."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Hey, Barney? - Yeah?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Whose baby is this?"
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"[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]"
How I Met Your Mother
"How could you, Mom?"
How I Met Your Mother
"You had the map to heaven and you never showed me the way."
How I Met Your Mother
"May you rot in the bacon-less hell that I've lived in my entire life."
How I Met Your Mother
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