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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - Tailgate (S07E07)

"My sun, my stars, my oxygen."
How I Met Your Mother
"Plus, she likes it fast and dirty,"
How I Met Your Mother
"and that's how Sandy rides."
How I Met Your Mother
"I need you here ASAP."
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"Are you kidding me?"
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"Marcus?"
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"What the heck are you doing here?"
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"I wanted to see Dad today 'in private'."
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"Well, I had the same idea,"
How I Met Your Mother
"and I drove all the way from Mom's, so get lost."
How I Met Your Mother
"I flew here, so you get lost."
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"Um, I'm trying to have a poignant moment"
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"with our departed father, turd face."
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"Well, I'm trying to feel Dad's spirit"
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"flow through my soul, butt breath."
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"I'm reaching out to the beyond"
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"to touch Dad's inner light, ass clown."
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"I hear Dad's voice like an ethereal song"
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"guiding me toward salvation, douche nozzle."
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"Oh! Ooh."
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"I'll just pretend like you're not here."
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"What?"
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"Perhaps the high-pitched whine of someone who wet their bed"
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"Ten."
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"Anyway, Dad, since it's just the two of us..."
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"unpacking the baby room."
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"Um, sweetie, why is this book in here?"
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"That's Enigmas of The Mystical."
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"It's all about mysterious"
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"and unexplained phenomena."
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"Don't you remember the TV commercials from the '80s?"
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"June 17th, 1983."
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"Tempe, Arizona."
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"Halfway across the country in Michigan,"
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"her daughter is compelled to make"
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"almost exactly the same sandwich."
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"Tuna salad."
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"Coincidence?"
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"Or an enigma of the mystical!"
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"Yeah, those enigmas always seemed a bit thin to me."
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"Thin? Lily, this is 200 pages"
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"of detailed accounts about Bigfoot, ghosts,"
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"aliens abducting people from their beds and probing them."
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"I'm going to read it to Baby Eriksen"
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"at night-night."
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"You really want to read our kid"
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"bedtime stories about monsters?"
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"First of all, I wouldn't use the "M" word."
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"And secondly, are you really saying"
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"you don't want to raise our child as a believer?"
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"I don't want to brainwash our child"
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"to believe in something with no proof."
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"It's not about proof; it's about faith."
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"I mean, if there aren't yetis or leprechauns,"
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"what's the point of even getting up in the morning?"
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"I don't know."
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"Wife, unborn child, drop a deuce?"
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"Lily, don't you think it's a bit narcissistic"
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"not to allow for something bigger than us out there?"
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"Something whose beauty and power"
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"and majesty humbles us?"
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"God? Werewolves."
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"a quick warning, America:"
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"Tina Henderson is a soulless bitch"
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"who will stomp on your heart."
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"I need you back, Tina."
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"I love you."
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"Well, if that's as bad as it gets, we might be okay."
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"Bathroom break."
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"It's on the Jumbotron."
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"Oh, finally."
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"Yeah, that'll be 100 bucks each."
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"What? You said 50."
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"That was before the place got crowded."
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"Okay? It's New Year's Eve."
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"People get rowdy and break stuff."
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"The cover protects us."
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"Plus, you get these festive hats."
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"For an additional 15 bucks."
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"They're wet."
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"Dry ones are 20."
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"That's it."
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"MacLaren's is a rip-off!"
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"coming upstairs to my place for a beer."
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"Hey, dude. You serious?"
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"Ted, do you remember a couple years ago,"
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"we had the best idea of all time?"
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"We should buy a bar."
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"Of course! We could buy a bar!"
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"The name of our bar?"
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"Puzzles."
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"People will be like, "Why is it called Puzzles?""
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"That's the puzzle."
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"A bar where no one's overcharged,"
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"where everyone feels valued and respected."
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"A bar..."
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"where we get chicks drunk and bang them."
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"We're opening Puzzles tonight."
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"Of course we're opening Puzzles tonight!"
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"Aren't you going to ask us why it's called Puzzles?"
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"Nope."
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"Okay."
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"Okay, we're back live in 30 seconds."
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"Uht's see if he's still wearing his mic."
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"50 West 67th."
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"Sir, this is a falafel stand,"
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"and you're sitting in the hummus"
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"Okay."
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"Run the montage of people who died this year until I get back."
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"And add Sandy,"
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"- Anyway, Dad... - Stop hogging Dad already."
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"- I've got stuff to tell him, too. - Like what?"
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"You're still living with Mom, and you have no job."
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"Go ahead."
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"So, anyway..."
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"July 8, 19."
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"Cheyenne, Wyoming."
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"Bigfoot."
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"His story is dismissed"
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"because, to be honest, he'd been drinking"
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