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Clips from South Park - Trapped in the Closet (S09E09)

"Oh dude, check it out. I got a Jake Plummer."
South Park
"HA! Saving money, duhhh!"
South Park
"Stan, don't you know the first law of physics?"
South Park
"Yeah. See ya."
South Park
"It's fun and it's free."
South Park
"and we'll get your fun free personality test started."
South Park
"Good times, good times!"
South Park
"Because my family is like, Catholic or something."
South Park
"Just answer these questions as truthfully as you can, alright?"
South Park
"Uhhh, sh-sure?"
South Park
"Well, I hate to tell you this, Stan"
South Park
"Two hundred and forty dollars?! What'd you do, break something?!"
South Park
"No, I found a self-help program that can cure me."
South Park
"Neither did I!"
South Park
"why don't you take what you have out of your bicycle savings?!"
South Park
"I hope so."
South Park
"It's the beginning of a whole new life for you, Stan. See ya afterwards."
South Park
"You just grab a hold of these handles as"
South Park
"and I'll just get a base reading of your thetan levels."
South Park
"Hnh, that's, that's strange."
South Park
"The president has to see thus right away."
South Park
"I'm only OT7 and I've been in the church all my life!"
South Park
"There he is!"
South Park
"Stan! What the hell did you do?!"
South Park
"We've been looking for your son for a long time, Mr. Marsh."
South Park
"Look, we don't want our son to join your group, okay?"
South Park
"we're asking him... to lead us."
South Park
"Oh my God, it's John Travolta!"
South Park
"Do you believe me now?"
South Park
"but... your name was L. Ron Hubbard."
South Park
"Oh, this is the greatest day of my life!"
South Park
"Aw dude, I need to go to bed."
South Park
"but you're okay, I guess."
South Park
"or that guy who played Napoleon Dynamite, but you're okay."
South Park
"Dude, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."
South Park
"I just told him I thought the"
South Park
"Napoleon Dynamite guy is a better actor than he is."
South Park
"Please come out of the closet."
South Park
"Everybody here just wants you to come out of the closet, Tom."
South Park
"Nobody's gonna be mad, everything's gonna be all right."
South Park
"We're still not exactly sure why Tom Cruise is in the closet"
South Park
"and Tom Cruise locked himself in the closet."
South Park
"Yes. But he was also a prophet..."
South Park
"Stan, do you want to hear the great secret"
South Park
"you have to be in the church for several years, Stan."
South Park
"You see, Stan, there is a reason"
South Park
"An alien reason."
South Park
"It all began 75 million years ago."
South Park
"Xenu didn't want their souls to return!"
South Park
"telling the world this incredible truth."
South Park
"But I don't know any of this stuff."
South Park
"Just let it flow."
South Park
"Tom? Tom, It's Nicole."
South Park
"Ah hi Nicole."
South Park
"I'm not, ...I'm not in the closet."
South Park
"I'm, I'm not, I'm not in here."
South Park
"Hey Stan, we're gonna go to the movies."
South Park
"Cult? Scientology isn't a cult, Kyle."
South Park
"Dude, L. Ron Hubbard was a science-fiction writer."
South Park
"He lived on a boat with only young boys"
South Park
"I did not!"
South Park
"I can't tell you unless you pay for a few years of audit counseling!"
South Park
"this great thing I belong to"
South Park
"Tom! Hey Tom, this is John Travolta."
South Park
"Oh hey John."
South Park
"L. Ron Hubbard doesn't think I'm a great actor."
South Park
"Hey, it's really nice n here."
South Park
"Hello? Hey, come out of there!"
South Park
"I was just standing here."
South Park
"and now, John Travolta in the closet too."
South Park
"Please Tom Cruise and John Travolta come out the closet!"
South Park
"I'm gonna cap this biiitch!"
South Park
"Yes... Yes, oh this is great, Stan!"
South Park
"I wrote that um, our followers shouldn't fly in DC-8s anymore"
South Park
"And I wrote that the evil Lord Xenu"
South Park
"And best of all, I wrote that all the Scientologists"
South Park
"I realize that to really be a church"
South Park
"What are you, stupid?!"
South Park
"Then how do we make money from those people?!"
South Park
"Well, it's not about the money, it's about the message, right?"
South Park
"But you said that there were..."
South Park
"Having them PAY you for it, stupid!"
South Park
"Three milliion dollars?"
South Park
"That's how the scam works!"
South Park
"But this is a scam on a global scale!"
South Park
"Yeah. Yeah, I get you."
South Park
"Man, this is some crazy shit."
South Park
"Why won't you both just come out the closet? And they said..."
South Park
"3..."
South Park
"So, first of all, I've written that the brainwashed alien ghosts"
South Park
"Huh, what?"
South Park
"I'm not the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard."
South Park
"And... Scientology is just a big fat global scam."
South Park
"Yeah, you think you can say our religion is a lie?!"
South Park
"We've just had an incredible development here, Mitch."
South Park
"You made me look stupid! I'm gonna sue you too!"
South Park
"Well go on, then! Sue me!"
South Park
"We're going to!"
South Park
"Aw man, I got a crappy AJ Feeley again!"
South Park
"How come you didn't buy any cards, Stan?"
South Park
"I can't spend any money. I'm saving up for that bike I want."
South Park
"So what should we do now? It's Saturday, we have to have as much fun as possible."
South Park
"Hey, I know! Let's go play laser tag at FunPlex."
South Park
"No, I don't wanna spend any money, you guys."
South Park
"Let's just do something fun that's free."
South Park
"Anything that's fun costs at least eight dollars."
South Park
"Yeah dude, nothing fun is free."
South Park
"Well I can't spend any money."
South Park
"Okay, be a Jew. We're gonna go play laser tag."
South Park
"Hello, would you like to take a personality test?"
South Park
"Excuse me?"
South Park
"We're doing free personality tests today."
South Park
"Uh what do I have to do?"
South Park
"Have you heard of Scientology?"
South Park
"It's all based on the book, Dianetics."
South Park
"A lot of really cool people are Scientologists,"
South Park
"like Tom Cruise and John Travolta."
South Park
"Why don't you come on in"
South Park
"Hey Brian."
South Park
"Hey Kelly. How's it going?"
South Park
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