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Clips from The Simpsons - Secrets of a Successful Marriage (S05E05)

"that's supposed to be leather patches on a tweed blazer, not the other way around."
The Simpsons
"You've ruined a perfectly good jacket."
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"So, will you be lecturing from a standardized text..."
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"or using the more Socratic method of interactive class participation?"
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"- [ Boy On Speaker] Can I take your order? - Nothing for me today."
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"I've got a class to teach."
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"Ew. Okay. Let's get started. Uh..."
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"- hmm-- - [ Whispers ]"
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"[ Clears Throat ] Uh--"
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"Hmm. Oh."
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"Uh-- [ Smacks Lips ] Hmm."
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"Yeah. Yeah! That'll eat up some time."
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"Uh-h-h-m, how about you, Otto?"
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"Oh, my standards are just too high, you know?"
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"I feel like nobody's good enough for me."
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"- [ Whispering ] - [ Giggling ]"
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"- Make love to me the way you used to. - No."
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"You leave Mr. Burns out of this!"
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"- [ Chewing Loudly ] - Simpson!"
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"Huh? Yeah, I was listening. Very funny."
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"For you see, marriage is a lot like an orange."
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"The eating of an orange is a lot like a good marriage."
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"[ Students Muttering ]"
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"- This is terrible. - [ Mrs. Krabappel ] We're leaving."
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"Oh, I told Marge this wouldn't work the other night in bed."
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"- In bed? Well. - Huh? Huh? - What?"
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"So somethin' wasn't workin' in bed, huh? Heh, heh, heh."
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"No, that's not what I meant."
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"Marge and I always talk things over in bed."
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"- [ Gasps ] Marge dyes her hair? - Oh, yeah."
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"[ Boy On Speaker] Wait! I need closure on that anecdote."
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"Oh, Mrs. Simpson, it may interest you to know..."
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"we are having a sale on blue dye number 52."
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"It is your hair color, I believe."
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"Whatever do you mean? I don't dye my hair. [ Forced Laughing ]"
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"- Today at the Kwik-E-Mart everybody knew I dyed my hair. - Oh. You mean about you."
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"All right, maybe I said some things, some personal things."
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"- They really wanted to hear what I had to say. - Mmm. I'm happy about that."
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"And I'm not out of order. You're out of order! The whole freakin' system is out of order."
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"Forget it, Marge. It's Chinatown!"
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"- Homer, don't ever tell them personal stuff about me again! - [ Quietly ] Yes, ma'am."
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"Now, what is a wedding? Well, Webster's Dictionary describes a wedding as..."
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"''the process of removing weeds from one's garden.''"
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"- [ All Groan ] - Tell us more about you and Marge."
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"This is a place of learning, not a house of... hearing about things."
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"- What a rip-off. - I can't believe I paid $1 0,000 for this course."
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"What the heck was that lab fee for?"
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"Wait. I-- Yes. [ Clears Throat ]"
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"[ Students Murmuring ]"
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"Now, the wife of this couple has an interesting quirk in the bedroom."
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"It seems she goes wild with desire if her husband nibbles on her elbow."
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"Mr. ''X'' and Mrs. ''Y.''"
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"my name isn't HomerJ. Simpson.''"
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"- Huh? - Ooh, Homer, don't you have to get to class?"
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"Not tonight, Marge. Tonight we can eat a nice, leisurely dinner at home."
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"Oh. Well, that will be l-- [ Gasps ]"
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"Apparently, that disturbing odor was the food."
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"What the hell are you talkin' about? You're the one who double-dared us."
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"- Why, you little-- - [ Choking ] - [ Class ] Ooh."
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"- [ Students Murmuring Quietly ] - [ Forced Laughing ]"
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"Well, now that the little ones have toddled off to bed--"
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"Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out-out-out-out-out-out-out!"
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"- For tomorrow, you should read pages seven through 1 8 in Lisa's diary. - You too."
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"- I can't trust you anymore. - But I learned my lesson."
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"- It'll never happen again. - Hey, Homer. What's the big brouhaha-ha?"
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"Oh. Fine. If that's what you want, you've got it."
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"Maybe I'll drop you a line someday from wherever I wind up in this crazy old world."
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"Kids, your father and I are going through a really tough time right now..."
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"Wow, I've never seen Mom so mad at Homer before."
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"I go to the attic and add to my ball of string."
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"We are under attack by the Zorrinid brain changers."
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"[ In Monotone ] Affirmative, humanoid."
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"Don't mind me, boys. Just scrubbin' my undies."
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"Sorry, Bart. Your dad kinda blew the fantasy."
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"Hmm. Funny the way everything reminds me of Homer."
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"Lisa! You will respect your new mother. Now, give her a kiss."
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"Kiss her! [ Yelps ]"
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"All right. Let's get our stories straight."
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"Look. I brought you some nice pudding."
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"Ah, your flesh mother used to bring me pudding."
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"Oh, I miss Marge."
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"Lisa, you're smart. Help me trick her into taking me back."
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"There's a reason two people come together and stay together."
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"If you want Mom back, you just have to remember what you give her that nobody else can."
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"[ Thinking, Rapidly ] Eat the pudding. Eat the pudding--"
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"Eat the pudding. Eat the pudding-- [ Continues ]"
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"[ Eating Loudly ]"
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"[ Moans Softly ]"
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"- [ Doorbell Chimes ] - [ Exhales ]"
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"I heard you and Homer broke up, so I'm declarin' my intentions to move in on his territory."
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"- Here, I, uh, brung ya some posies. - Oh, my."
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"I'm very flattered, but I'm not really interested."
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"put my heart on the line, and I make a fool of myself."
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"Oh, boy. Oh, I'm gonna start bawlin' here."
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"- Hmm, why don't you come inside for a drink of water? - 'Kay."
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"Hmm. Clean house, no silverfish."
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"- What are you doin' here? - I, um-- Well, I--"
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"- I never touched her. Homer, I swear, I never touched her. - Here's your water, Moe."
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"I didn't ask her for no water. She's lyin', Homer. She told me you were dead."
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"That's the only reason I-- I didn't do nothin'!"
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"- [ Glass Breaking ] - [ Screams ] - Bye, Moe."
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"a bouquet of po-- ohhh."
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"I give up. I don't deserve to live with you."
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"- Hmm. - [ Table Bumps Against Wall ]"
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"Oh. My tattered rags..."
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"are caught on your coffee table."
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"Oh, here. Let me help you."
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"[ Muttering Softy ]"
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"Wait a minute. Wait, that's it."
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"I know now what I can offer you that no one else can:"
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"complete and utter dependence."
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"Are you kidding? It's a wondrous, marvelous thing."
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"I need you to take care of me, to put up with me..."
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"and most of all, I need you to love me, because I love you."
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"But how do I know I can trust you?"
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"Marge, look at me. We've been separated for a day, and I'm as dirty as a Frenchman."
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"I must admit. You really do make a gal feel needed."
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"[ Sighs ] Oh, it's great to be indoors with my family."
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"Now don't screw it up."
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"Oh. Sorry. Here's a fresh one."
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