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Clips from The Simpsons - Secrets of a Successful Marriage (S05E05)

"Special present? I don't wanna wait. I want it now! I want the children to see."
The Simpsons
"Later. [ Chuckling ]"
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"[ Bell Ringing ]"
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"- All right, I raise a quarter. - I'm out. - I'm out."
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"- [ Kick Lands ] - [ Door Slams ]"
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"But they won't! They won't let me live! [ Sobbing ]"
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"- I am slow. - Oh, Homie."
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"- Take another bath in malt liquor? - There's that."
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"" Ooh, eh, ah, ooh ""
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"- Oh, you're married? - That depends. Is there another way to get this job?"
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"[ Doorbell Rings ]"
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"But you rang my--"
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"- [ Tires Squealing ] - [ Drivers ] Hey! [ Protesting ]"
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"- [ Scraping On Blackboard ] - [ Students Protesting ]"
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"Hmm."
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"Hmm. No."
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"Okay. Here's a set of house keys and my A.T.M. card."
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"Oh, yes, yes. To the untrained eye, I'm eating an orange..."
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"- [ Students Groan ] - Guess he's run out of stories."
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"[ All Gasping, Murmuring ]"
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"Oh, why didn't I take a picture?"
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"I'll pay you $40 if you think of it for me."
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"Sheesh. I come here, I get dressed up all nice-like..."
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"Homer, that's not a good thing."
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"[ Sad Grunt ]"
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"- [ Sighing ] - Oh."
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"And I have a special present for you, but I'll give it to you later tonight."
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"All right. The first thing they told me to do..."
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"[ Cash Register Beeping ]"
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"My whole class is here. They're going to observe the human peep show..."
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"Okay, but then we gotta get to work."
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"[ Chewing, Humming, Spits ]"
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"You want the truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!"
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"[ Both ] Ew!"
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"- Homer. - Moe."
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"I mean, I can teach a class!"
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"I had ten years to take a picture."
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"But you should've seen 'em, Marge."
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"D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!"
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"Oh, ya were not. You were just eatin' a damn orange."
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"I'll tell you a secret, Bart. Every time I'm worried about Mom and Dad..."
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"Say some gangsta is dissin' your fly girl."
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"Marge, I figured out what I can give you that no one else can:"
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"- Do you want another card or not? - Huh? Okay. I'll take three."
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"- [ Tires Squealing ] - It's all right. I'm a teacher!"
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"was to make sure everyone here is in the right class. [ Sputters ]"
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"Is any of this gonna be on the test? 'Cause I wasn't payin' attention."
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"You just don't get it, do you, Homer?"
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"and I don't know what's going to happen."
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"- Ooh. - Come on. Tell us more. - [ Willie ] Tell us about it."
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"- [ People Chattering ] - Shh!"
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"uh-h-h-m..."
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"Um, I was married once, but, uh, I just didn't know how to keep it together."
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"And how's my little major leaguer? Catch any june bugs today?"
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"But I think you can be a good teacher and still respect our privacy."
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"[ Sighs ]"
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"Good night, Marge. [ Kisses ]"
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"Don't try to eat these so-called ''chips.''"
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"[ Gagging ] Chokin' on my own rage, here."
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"So anyhoo, last night we're playin' poker, right?"
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"Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?"
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"there are no refunds."
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"away from all that nagging and noise..."
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"Yes, Lisa. Daddy's a teacher."
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"First you have the skin..."
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"If I wanted to see a man eat an orange, I would have taken the orange-eating class."
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"[ Screams ]"
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"Nah, nah, nah. You got it wrong, 'Pu."
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"Marge, I didn't tell 'em personal stuff."
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"that is our lives."
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"So, little Lisa, apple of my eye..."
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"Ooh, she's gotta have it."
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"I want this to end now."
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"- Ah, Marge is throwin' me out for blabbin' about her elbow thing. - [ Groans ]"
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"Honey, the door blew shut."
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"[ Homer's Voice ] I love you."
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"Dad, that's just a plant."
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"I only like it when I'm pretend-scared."
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"She tripped, right?"
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"Dad, you can't trick somebody into loving you."
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"[ Clears Throat ] Oh. H-Hi, Marge."
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"I'm really glad you're back, Dad. I knew you could do it."
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"Wait till my class hears about this. Kidding!"
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"Ooh. Oh, right."
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"[ Tires Screeching ]"
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"[ Students Protesting ]"
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"how are things down at the old schoolhouse?"
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"- She's blue 56. - I don't know what you're talking about."
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"I've created a replacement that's superior to her in almost every way."
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"Will you marry me, Marge?"
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"Keep up the roughhousing, Son."
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"Okay. Everybody out!"
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"then the sweet, sweet innards."
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"Homer, I really don't like you telling personal secrets in your class."
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"All right, Simpson. You were warned about teasing the box."
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"I don't understand."
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"Hey, Homer. Why don't you just nibble her elbow?"
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"D'oh! [ Screams ]"
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"[ Gasps ] All right."
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"I find this demeaning and embarrassing beyond my worst nightmares."
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"- I really think I was born to teach. - [ Tires Screech ]"
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"- That's nice. - [ Vehicle Speeds Away ]"
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"Without a strong male presence in the house, you could turn sissy overnight."
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"You mean, I'm gonna be a daddy?"
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"[ Chewing Loudly ]"
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"Good news, Lisa. I don't need your mother anymore."
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"That always melts her butter, right? Heh, heh, heh."
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"We just love your husband's class."
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"Let's end this madness and get on with our lives."
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"Come on, Marge. Let me in! There's crickets out here."
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"I went on for hours, and they were hanging on my every word."
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"[ Chuckling ]"
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"Technically, we're not allowed to go go the bathroom."
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"Here, Dad. I brought you some nice-- [ Yelps ]"
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"Oh, these stubborn grass stains."
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"I hope we'll always be together, together, together--"
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"Okay, Marge. Things were said. Mistakes were made."
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"You ever sat down and read this thing?"
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"- Together? - [ Tires Screech ]"
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"Oh, good. Reverend Lovejoy will make Marge take me back."
The Simpsons
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