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Clips from Family Guy - The 2,000-Year-Old Virgin (S13E13)

"* But where are those good old-fashioned values *"
Family Guy
"* All the things that make us *"
Family Guy
"You can always tell which fathers are disappointed"
Family Guy
"Yeah, you got anything for a poor fat person"
Family Guy
"Hitting on them in a kindly, genial way?"
Family Guy
"No, in a threatening, creepy,"
Family Guy
"Y-You have anything for that?"
Family Guy
"Me? Yeah, you'd be perfect."
Family Guy
"Peter, look over there."
Family Guy
"It's been a while since we've seen him."
Family Guy
"Hey, buddy. What are you doing in Quahog?"
Family Guy
"I wasn't sure you'd want to hear from me."
Family Guy
"Yeah, I've never been one to hold grudges."
Family Guy
"I even forgave the man who murdered my son."
Family Guy
"of what you did to my son, I forgive you,"
Family Guy
"Mr. Griffin, this is the Office of City Planning."
Family Guy
"Aw, that sounds great!"
Family Guy
"on the way over or no, you're good?"
Family Guy
"Oh, uh..."
Family Guy
"Hey, Peter. Come on in."
Family Guy
"I-I don't know Spanish."
Family Guy
"Geez, this place is depressing."
Family Guy
"I can't deal with my family during the holidays."
Family Guy
"And besides, my dad always spends Christmas"
Family Guy
"Hey, can we join you?"
Family Guy
"And if I remember correctly,"
Family Guy
"I was in charge of planning Woodstock."
Family Guy
"Oh, yeah."
Family Guy
"Why don't we just say no gifts?"
Family Guy
"and be rude to everyone for no reason."
Family Guy
"Wait, wait, hold on."
Family Guy
"No, no, I'm talking about women."
Family Guy
"Shenehneh!"
Family Guy
"What?"
Family Guy
"Yeah, you know."
Family Guy
"I'm saying, Jesus, we are gonna help you lose your virginity."
Family Guy
"to help Jesus lose his virginity."
Family Guy
"Losing your virginity is a big deal."
Family Guy
"Peter, that's what I'm talking about."
Family Guy
"You're making this whole thing crude."
Family Guy
"Like the Tasmanian Devil tucking in his kids."
Family Guy
"All right, Jesus, these speed date nights are the best way"
Family Guy
"How's the wine? It's terrific."
Family Guy
"That's my blood, you know."
Family Guy
"All right, Jesus,"
Family Guy
"nowadays, everything is done on the Internet."
Family Guy
"Well, no luck getting Jesus laid yet."
Family Guy
"I don't get it."
Family Guy
"I think it's time I had a little talk with him"
Family Guy
"Jesus, I asked you to lunch"
Family Guy
"because I think you've been getting bad advice"
Family Guy
"about finding a special someone."
Family Guy
"All right, kids, let's see what's under Christmas..."
Family Guy
"Ugh, another puckered anus."
Family Guy
"I just get all tongue-tied with other girls."
Family Guy
"Plus, being myself isn't that impressive."
Family Guy
"Don't be afraid to be honest with a girl"
Family Guy
"Wow, thanks, Lois."
Family Guy
"and get it over with."
Family Guy
"Hey, guys. Uh, Peter,"
Family Guy
"Hey, is it Carrie Underwood?"
Family Guy
"What?"
Family Guy
"Actually, Peter, I want my first time to be with..."
Family Guy
"Please write to this address quickly."
Family Guy
"from wrecking my marriage and your religion."
Family Guy
"But if it wasn't okay, I wouldn't suggest it."
Family Guy
"Well, you make a good point."
Family Guy
"Like... like anything in the universe?"
Family Guy
"Are-are you sure?"
Family Guy
"Yup. Never been more sure of anything in my life."
Family Guy
"Let me get this straight."
Family Guy
"Oh, not just any man, Lois."
Family Guy
"but the point is where do we go from here?"
Family Guy
"just a bunch of general guidelines."
Family Guy
"Of course."
Family Guy
"Yeah! I-I mean, maybe not them, but somebody else."
Family Guy
"Even divine."
Family Guy
"Nobody gets a straight look at nothing!"
Family Guy
"is getting to bang the woman of your dreams."
Family Guy
"I'm out of here."
Family Guy
"Wow, Mom. You look beautiful."
Family Guy
"he'd give me back the use of my legs?"
Family Guy
"Oh, Jesus!"
Family Guy
"Yes, but it's horrible!"
Family Guy
"It was bought for me by Jesus, but now he's doing my wife!"
Family Guy
"with this whole Lois and Jesus thing!"
Family Guy
"I don't blame you, Peter."
Family Guy
"I always thought it was sort of a strange choice"
Family Guy
"Yeah, Jesus did the same thing"
Family Guy
"so he can get with guys' wives."
Family Guy
"Ow! That was a loud crack!"
Family Guy
"I'm not gonna go to the doctor though."
Family Guy
"Get out! I need this car!"
Family Guy
"No! Jesus is about to have sex with my wife!"
Family Guy
"Jesus Christ is about to have sex with my wife!"
Family Guy
"Oh! Oh, my God!"
Family Guy
"Um, okay."
Family Guy
"A rabbit's foot, a penknife, a bottle cap, a compass..."
Family Guy
"What does that sign say?"
Family Guy
"for a Christmas rodgering, I did."
Family Guy
"Aw, you were coming here, too? We could've carpooled."
Family Guy
"I realized I don't want other people"
Family Guy
"It's okay, Peter."
Family Guy
"No, I couldn't sleep with him."
Family Guy
"Our marriage is too important to me."
Family Guy
"I don't know what I was thinking."
Family Guy
"Oh, you know, uh..."
Family Guy
"uh, appreciating..."
Family Guy
"Well taught, Jesus. Well taught."
Family Guy
"I'm not even real. Merry Christmas."
Family Guy
"you didn't have sex with the Messiah."
Family Guy
"Oh. A Joni Mitchell CD."
Family Guy
"Who did he buy the necklace for?"
Family Guy
"* Is violence in movies and sex on TV *"
Family Guy
"* On which we used to rely? *"
Family Guy
"in their sons because they eat lunch with their coats still on."
Family Guy
"Too bad eating ain't math,"
Family Guy
"'cause then I'd have something to be proud of."
Family Guy
"I know. So do I."
Family Guy
"Welcome to Tommy Bahama."
Family Guy
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