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Clips from Family Guy - The 2,000-Year-Old Virgin (S13E13)

"who wants to look like a rich fat person?"
Family Guy
"Of course."
Family Guy
"Now, I'll mostly be hitting on waitresses"
Family Guy
"who are too young and thin to ever be interested in me."
Family Guy
"I'm-joking-but-I'm-not- really-joking way."
Family Guy
"Tommy Bahama... five million uncles can't be wrong."
Family Guy
"All right, now let me just take off these security tags for you."
Family Guy
"Dog in a Jets jersey, get in here!"
Family Guy
"Peter, this chair costs $3,000."
Family Guy
"That's not so much, Lois."
Family Guy
"It's only infinity times what you bring home every week."
Family Guy
"Is that... is that Jesus?"
Family Guy
"Hey, Jesus!"
Family Guy
"Really? Why didn't you call us?"
Family Guy
"Well, I felt kind of bad about how we left things."
Family Guy
"Oh, that's silly."
Family Guy
"We could never stay mad at you."
Family Guy
"And although I will never get over the pain"
Family Guy
"because I believe you are sick and in need of help."
Family Guy
"Oh, yeah. Did I get it?"
Family Guy
"No."
Family Guy
"Your son is dead!"
Family Guy
"Listen, Peter, we should catch up."
Family Guy
"Why don't you come over to my place for a beer or something?"
Family Guy
"Hey, you want me to pick anything up"
Family Guy
"I-I guess we could maybe just order something."
Family Guy
"Huh, I think half the world would be surprised to know that."
Family Guy
"Hey, nice place here."
Family Guy
"This is not too... too..."
Family Guy
"it's not... it's not too... not too good."
Family Guy
"but, you know, I'm not really into material possessions."
Family Guy
"Hey, how come you aren't with your family"
Family Guy
"during Christmas, anyway?"
Family Guy
"at his time-share in Coral Gables with his girlfriend."
Family Guy
"Great, here comes that couple with the adult disabled kid."
Family Guy
"I-I'm Ken, this is Pam, and this right here is Scott."
Family Guy
"It's been such a blessing."
Family Guy
"Can't wait to see what that "bigger plan" is."
Family Guy
"Well, I can't tell you that."
Family Guy
"But the good news is, this little guy's gonna make it to 74."
Family Guy
"Oh, look, Jesus, you shouldn't be alone during Christmas."
Family Guy
"Ah, whatever, I'm fine."
Family Guy
"No way. I'm not gonna let my pal Jesus"
Family Guy
"I am throwing you the best birthday party ever."
Family Guy
"Are you sure about that?"
Family Guy
"All right, guys, here's what I'm thinking..."
Family Guy
"A whole festival of muddy boobs."
Family Guy
"Well, don't you want to have music?"
Family Guy
"That's a good way to get those muddy boobs moving."
Family Guy
"All right, you guys, Jesus's birthday party is gonna be epic."
Family Guy
"Hey, since it's also Christmas,"
Family Guy
"What about Secret Santa?"
Family Guy
"Okay, but five dollar limit."
Family Guy
"Come on, guys, we don't have to make such a big thing about it."
Family Guy
"as long as it lasts the whole week"
Family Guy
"and is very expensive and inconvenient for all my friends."
Family Guy
"Oh, and I'm gonna dress like a slut"
Family Guy
"But, Maya..."
Family Guy
"we're all going to Montreal for the week."
Family Guy
"If we're planning a party,"
Family Guy
"It could be as simple as an ice bath."
Family Guy
"Oh, yeah, we definitely need some women there."
Family Guy
"Women?"
Family Guy
"Uh, all types, I guess."
Family Guy
""All types"?"
Family Guy
"Come on, Jesus."
Family Guy
"No, you know what I mean."
Family Guy
"Uh, like, uh, hot ladies."
Family Guy
"Horny ones who sex on you."
Family Guy
"Jesus, have you ever been with a woman?"
Family Guy
"Yeah, I am."
Family Guy
"How the hell does that happen?"
Family Guy
"and I just kind of got into the friend zone."
Family Guy
"She's all like, "Oh, there's all these guys"
Family Guy
"having sex with me for money.""
Family Guy
"And I'm all like, "Oh, you deserve better.""
Family Guy
"And then I die."
Family Guy
"Well, sex is overrated."
Family Guy
"All right, look, forget the party."
Family Guy
"We got a more important mission now."
Family Guy
"Your 2,000-year-long cold streak is about to come to an end."
Family Guy
"What do you mean?"
Family Guy
"All right, me and the guys are off"
Family Guy
"Just put it in the oven for half an hour at 350."
Family Guy
"What? I don't know."
Family Guy
"That's what you always say when you leave the house."
Family Guy
"Oh, Peter, just be careful."
Family Guy
"I'm sure Jesus doesn't want some gross quickie."
Family Guy
"No, no, no, it's gonna be nothing like that."
Family Guy
"Just some random slut to maul in a bar"
Family Guy
"back where the payphones used to be."
Family Guy
"It's his first time."
Family Guy
"You need to be more sensitive."
Family Guy
"Don't worry, Lois."
Family Guy
"I swear, I'll be sensitive and gentle."
Family Guy
"to meet a lot of chicks fast."
Family Guy
"Now go get 'em."
Family Guy
"So, where do you live?"
Family Guy
"Everywhere, all places."
Family Guy
"Hopefully, inside you."
Family Guy
"This is kind of embarrassing,"
Family Guy
"but are you okay with someone who smokes?"
Family Guy
"Oh, yeah."
Family Guy
"A-Are you okay with someone who wanders the desert,"
Family Guy
"So, are you having a good Friday?"
Family Guy
"Oh, is that supposed to be funny?"
Family Guy
"Shut your mouth, bitch."
Family Guy
"Where are you from? Israel."
Family Guy
"Had the house to myself."
Family Guy
"Lot of POV stuff."
Family Guy
"Yeah, I like to pretend it's mine down there"
Family Guy
"what's doing all the slapping."
Family Guy
"Excuse me, won't you?"
Family Guy
"Ar... lot of scumbags out today."
Family Guy
"Peter, Jesus is never gonna find a woman going about it your way."
Family Guy
"All right, knock yourself out."
Family Guy
"but lately he seems more focused on marketing"
Family Guy
"his erotic Advent calendar."
Family Guy
"Look, Jesus, just forget whatever Peter's been telling you."
Family Guy
"and let a sweet girl see that side of you."
Family Guy
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