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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Alien Parasite Hypothesis (S04E04)

"...in order to identify your periods of maximum mental acuity?"
The Big Bang Theory
"I did that one summer."
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"Ah, youth."
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"...so I'm checking my vital signs every hour."
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"I'd be happy to create a chart and participate in a differential diagnosis."
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"Oh, that sounds like fun."
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"All right. Ahem."
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"What were the symptoms?"
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"Elevated heart rate, moist palms, dry mouth..."
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"Localized to what region?"
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"Ears and genitalia."
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"Interesting."
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"Not body parts that usually team up."
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"What about environmental factors? Describe the scene for me."
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"Carbonated, as it was a special occasion."
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"- Who? - Zack."
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"- Then why did you ask? - Ask what?"
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"- "Who?" - Zack."
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"What did you say when Zack walked in?"
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"- Hoo. - Zack."
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"- Why do you keep saying Zack? - Because you keep saying, "Who?""
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"I'm not saying "hoo" now, I said "hoo" last night."
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"And the answer was Zack, correct?"
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"There was no question, I simply said, "Hoo.""
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"All right. I think I have enough to go on."
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"Possible explanations for your symptoms are..."
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"...hyperthyroidism..."
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"...premature menopause..."
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"...hosting an alien parasite..."
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"...or, and I only include it for the sake of covering absolutely all bases..."
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"...sexual arousal."
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"Where would I have picked up an alien parasite?"
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"Let me ask you a question. What are you most afraid of?"
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"I don't know. Uh..."
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"Nuclear war, being buried alive. Any of those movies where you get..."
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"...that phone call that says you're going to die, and then you do."
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"No, something very specific that we both know you..."
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"...Rajesh Koothrappalli, are terrified of."
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"Well, type two diabetes runs in my family."
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"- The thought of losing a toe... - Spiders. You're afraid of spiders."
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"- What the heck is this? - A jar with a big spider in it, of course."
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"Wha...?"
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"- Are you crazy? - Perhaps."
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"Oh, really?"
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"What if the Earth was in danger and the only way to save it..."
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"...was to stick your hand in a jar with a spider?"
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"Yeah? What if only way to save it was to shower in the locker room..."
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"Now, put your hand in the jar or forever be revealed as my sidekick."
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"All right, I will."
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"How did you get so brave all of a sudden?"
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"It's easy. The spider's crawling up your arm."
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"Get it off me, get it off me."
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"Please, Raj!"
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"Please!"
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"My blood work shows thyroid function normal."
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"Cortisol levels normal."
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"How about your follicle-stimulating hormone levels?"
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"Are you sure? You said that with the testy bark of an old biddy."
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"I think we need to face the cold, hard truth."
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"I was sexually aroused by Penny's friend Zack."
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"Hang on."
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"I don't know that we've given the alien parasite hypothesis a fair shake."
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"Let's look at this logically. I have a stomach, I get hungry."
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"I have genitals, I have the potential for sexual arousal."
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"You know, in difficult moments like this..."
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"...I often turn to a force greater than myself."
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"- Religion? - Star Trek."
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"- No. - Don't. It's terrible."
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"However, in it we learn that..."
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"...when Spock finds himself drawn off the path of logic..."
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"...by feelings bubbling up from his human half..."
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"...he suppresses them, using the Vulcan mental discipline of Kolinahr."
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"You suggesting we live our lives guided by philosophies..."
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"What are you doing?"
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"Using Kolinahr to suppress my anger at that last comment."
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"Is it possible that your concern for me..."
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"I hadn't considered that. Give me a moment."
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"- All right. I've considered it. - And?"
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"You reject it because you don't feel jealousy..."
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"...or because you are suppressing jealousy?"
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"I think I'll eat my lunch at home."
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"That's not your lunch, Sheldon. Those are the cadaver brain specimens."
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"Oh."
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"- Hello. - Hey."
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"Isn't tomorrow your usual laundry night?"
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"The supermarket was out of my regular fabric softener."
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"If this one under or over-softens, I'll need time to make things right."
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"That's thinking ahead."
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"The alternative would be to think backwards..."
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"...and that's just remembering."
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"- So how's Amy? - Amy's changed."
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"I might have to let her go."
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"Oh, no. Why?"
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"I thought she was a highly evolved creature of pure intellect, like me..."
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"...but recent events indicate that she may be a slave to her baser urges."
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"Like you."
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"I'm just gonna skip over that insult."
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"What insult?"
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"Are you saying that Amy is..."
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"...what's the scientific word...?"
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"Forget science. She's horny."
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"Oh, okay. Wow!"
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"It's simple biology. There's nothing I can do about it."
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"What are you suggesting?"
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"I'm suggesting there might be something you could do..."
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"...about Amy's urges."
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"It's illegal to spay a human being."
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"Yeah, that's not what I had in mind."
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"Oh."
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"Oh!"
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"- You mean something I could do. - Exactly."
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"Well, I was hoping to avoid this."
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"But I might as well get it over with."
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"Thank you, Penny."
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"I'll let you know what happens."
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"Oh, Amy, you lucky girl."
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"Yes, this is Dr. Sheldon Cooper."
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"Is this the Zack Johnson who used to have coitus with my neighbor Penny?"
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"Sorry to bother you."
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"Hello. I'm looking for a Zack Johnson..."
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