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Clips from South Park - Lice Capades (S11E11)

"And what do you base this on?"
South Park
"Look, this is the world, right?"
South Park
"If it were somehow conscious,"
South Park
"Huh, right, the world is conscious. It makes perfect sense."
South Park
"Hello. Anybody?"
South Park
"I think we're looking at a global catastrophe,"
South Park
"Poodiggery and poppycock!"
South Park
"I think we need to put all resources now into a full investigation,"
South Park
"perhaps even begin a licewide evacuation."
South Park
"Evacuation?! Tomorrow is the Gootack Festival."
South Park
"Do you know how much money we would lose?"
South Park
"The President can't be bothered any further."
South Park
"Damn you, Vice President Craig! You could be killin' us all!"
South Park
"This is so... embarassing."
South Park
"I have an ear infection. What are you seeing the doctor for?"
South Park
"Clyde Harris?"
South Park
"Yeah, that's a pretty bad lice problem there."
South Park
"Good thing they pulled you out of school."
South Park
"But why me, doctor? Why me?! How did I get this?!"
South Park
"Well, believe it or not, some lice can actually attach themselves to flies,"
South Park
"and then wait for the fly to land on someone's head"
South Park
"where they can reproduce."
South Park
"And then the lice that live in your head now"
South Park
"were probably all born there."
South Park
"Sick!"
South Park
"This shampoo should take care of it. Use this in the shower."
South Park
"Your scalp may burn a bit afterwards, but..."
South Park
"Kelly, I was just thinkin' about our baby."
South Park
"I want to name her Hope."
South Park
"- Hope? - Hope for a... chance at tomorrow?"
South Park
"It's raining? Now?"
South Park
"Woo-hoo! I love the rain!"
South Park
"Oh my God."
South Park
"- We have to get out of here! - What it, it's just rain."
South Park
"We have to get out of here now, Kelly!"
South Park
"What is that?"
South Park
"Everyone get up into the trees! We have to get up high!"
South Park
"Come on, Kelly!"
South Park
"My God, Travis. They're all dying!"
South Park
"Don't look, Kelly! Don't look!"
South Park
"- What the hell is it?! - Well it's okay, we're safe up here!"
South Park
"I don't think so!"
South Park
"You have to! For the baby!"
South Park
"Kelly! No!"
South Park
"No!"
South Park
"Okay, kids, today we're going to review some Civil War history."
South Park
"Who can tell me"
South Park
"- what year the war started? - Wait, wait, whoa whoa."
South Park
"So what happened?"
South Park
"With what?"
South Park
"Y-yes, some lice was discovered and the proper action has been taken."
South Park
"- Somebody in this class? - Uh, yes."
South Park
"That doesn't matter, it's over."
South Park
"Doesn't matter?!"
South Park
"It's being kept confidential!"
South Park
"There's a policy in the schools not to single out a kid who has lice"
South Park
"You are denying our rights as children"
South Park
"to totally rip on that kid and make him or her feel like an outcast!"
South Park
"And we have a right to know which boy had lice"
South Park
"in his hair so we don't ever go out with them!"
South Park
"How do we know it was a boy?"
South Park
"Yeah! Dumb girls!"
South Park
"The case is closed! Whoever had the lice, they're dead now!"
South Park
"We're moving on to Civil War history."
South Park
"Ulysses S. Grant..."
South Park
"My God..."
South Park
"Travis. Over here!"
South Park
"to get up in them trees, we'd all be dead."
South Park
"How many survivors?"
South Park
"Just the six of us. And the vice president."
South Park
"You son of a bitch! You had a chance to stop this!"
South Park
"- What do we do now? - We aren't out of this yet!"
South Park
"You two look for other survivors."
South Park
"You get whatever food you can and bring it back here."
South Park
"Who put you in charge?!"
South Park
"God did! When he killed my wife!"
South Park
"so that we know to stay away from you!"
South Park
"Yeah, come on! We're gonna find out sooner or later."
South Park
"Okay, whoever you are, you are now not only a licehead,"
South Park
"you're a liar! You're only making this worse on yourself!"
South Park
"Me?"
South Park
"This is exactly what you would do if they found lice in your hair!"
South Park
"Try to lead the charge against somebody else"
South Park
"to take the suspicion off of yourself!"
South Park
"I don't think so, Kyle!"
South Park
"This is exactly what you would do if you had head lice!"
South Park
"That's exactly what you would do if you had head lice, Stan."
South Park
"Yeah, try to have everyone make peace so it doesn't seem like a big deal."
South Park
"And this is exactly what Kenny would do:"
South Park
"Stand here and say nothing!"
South Park
"Hey guys, what would I do?"
South Park
"Let's just get a magnifying glass and look at everyone's heads."
South Park
"It's too late. The treatment would have killed it all."
South Park
"Well I guess, we're never gonna know."
South Park
"There's no way to tell."
South Park
"There's a way! There's a way to find out who had sick-ass head cooties!"
South Park
"And I'm gonna find it!"
South Park
"It was him. It had to have been him!"
South Park
"Yeah..."
South Park
"Or you."
South Park
"Mark? Mark, you have to hang on."
South Park
"This isn't going to stop. The world is rejecting us!"
South Park
"If we're gonna live, we have to get off this planet."
South Park
"How?"
South Park
"First we have to get out of the forest, into the forbidden zone."
South Park
"It's the only way we might even see another planet!"
South Park
"The forbidden zone... We'll be exposed. We'll die out there."
South Park
"We'll die here!"
South Park
"Look, the world is getting rid of us! Don't you get it?!"
South Park
"Getting rid of us?"
South Park
"You-you mean like it knows what it's doing?"
South Park
"Yes! Because maybe we rolled the dice too many times!"
South Park
"- I'm not leaving my husband. - Yeah, I'll take my chances here."
South Park
"You can all stay here. I'm gonna try to save my baby."
South Park
"I'll go with you. There's nothing left for me here."
South Park
"Look, I know I messed up, all right?"
South Park
"But I think you're right."
South Park
"If we can get out of the forest, we might find another place to live."
South Park
"If we find anything,"
South Park
"Let's go. Come on if you're comin', Mister Vice President!"
South Park
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