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Clips from 30 Rock - Reaganing (S05E05)

"make me join the Coast Guard."
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"from the Carvel Ice Cream Corporation."
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"They gave me this after I performed on their "Kidz 4-eva!" float"
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"during last year's Thanksgiving Day parade."
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"Ice cream"
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"If I want to see a 50- foot Spider-Man,"
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"I'll just go into my rec room, thank you."
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"Kenneth, take this card and get a cake for the crew."
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"Oh, that's very thoughtful, Ms. Maroney."
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"and I'm sick of hearing about it."
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"When I see you chew your nails like that,"
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"When I get to the airport, I'm going to break up with Carol."
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"What? Lemon, I am shocked. You two seemed so happy."
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"The other day I saw you in the lobby laughing together."
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"A guy on crutches bit it in the revolving door."
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"- And he was so scared! - So what's the problem?"
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"You had a fight about something?"
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"No, we're not fighting. We don't fight."
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"And in that time, I've never known you to be shy about talking..."
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"about anything."
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"but I'd get free cable for life, I'd do it."
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"And I'd been on the toilet so long that my legs had fallen asleep,"
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"so when I tried to stand, I just fell into my throw-up."
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"There is one thing you don't like to talk about."
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"Why aren't we moving?"
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"You and I have never had an adult conversation about boning."
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"Fine. Carol and I are having an intimacy problem."
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"Okay. So tell me what happened."
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"before her head transplant."
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"You know, why don't I call Carol?"
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"No, don't do that!"
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"It's not him! It's me! I'm the one with the performance problem!"
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"What? What are you talking about?"
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"I freaked out, and my junk closed for business."
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"It's like Fort Knox down there."
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"I'm just going to raise the barrier if that's okey-dokey with everybody."
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"Tracy, let me take you through the concept."
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"We start on a boy shooting a basketball,"
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"pan to some girls Double Dutching,"
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"we pass the kid who does a flip on a trampoline,"
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"and whizzes past you for your line."
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"What line?"
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"We faxed a script to someone named Grizz?"
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"- Here's your cake, Ms. Maroney! - Let's see!"
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"Take it back to Carvel."
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"- But then they'll just throw it out. - So?"
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"but back home on our pig farm, times are tough."
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"We've had to sell off Sally, Julie, and Poppy."
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"Yes."
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"Take the cake back, Kenneth."
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"You know, your little problem makes sense, Lemon."
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"than an adult chat line run by Gilbert Gottfried."
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"A little squeamish and conservative?"
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"Jack, why don't you just say you want some..."
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"We are lovers."
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"unless it's between the words "meat" and "pizza.""
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"She likes that?"
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"I'm sorry I'm a real woman"
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"and not some oversexed New York nympho"
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"like those sluts on "Everybody Loves Raymond"."
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"Wow. This may be the greatest challenge a potential Reaganer"
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"has ever faced."
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"I'm going to fix you and save your relationship with Carol."
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"I don't need to be "fixed"."
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"Has it happened before?"
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"A couple times with Dennis. And now Carol."
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"There has to be a root cause. Maybe from your past."
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"You think I haven't thought about this? There's nothing!"
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"And... action!"
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"You know what, it doesn't matter. I don't know my lines!"
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"Cut!"
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"Tracy, we're causing a huge traffic jam."
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"We're causing a huge traffic jam while getting paid to make dreams!"
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"It does not exist anymore!"
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"Here's the money back from Carvel, Ms. Maroney."
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"$23.94."
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"Hang on, she gave you cash?"
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"Oh, yes. I'm sorry. I told the girl I didn't have your card so..."
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"She must have thought you meant credit card."
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"Two! This is fun!"
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"We can pull an Arizona double-back on them, Kenneth!"
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"I don't understand what you're saying,"
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"but I like that it has the word "we" in it!"
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"I'd like to order a cake that reads "Happy Birthday, Blenna.""
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"- "Blenna"? - Yes."
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"I'm sorry, Miss, but there's been a mistake with this cake."
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"And I'm afraid I don't have the card."
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"Okay. I'm sorry. I'll just give you cash back."
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"I need a "Happy Blirthday, Jennica" cake."
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"Why are we not moving? What is causing this traffic jam?"
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"I'm sorry, I have an erection."
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"I think it's the sound of the skateboard."
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"Let me help you. I am unstoppable today."
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"If it'll make it any easier, imagine you're telling your story"
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"to Reagan himself."
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"Mommy?"
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"I was nine years old."
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"I was rollerskating in the house, which was absolutely forbidden."
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"I was skating down the hallway,"
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"which everybody thought was a Dorothy Hamill"
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"To be prepared, I tried to take my underpants off"
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"over my roller skates."
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"I slipped, and as I fell,"
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"I pulled down this poster of the singer Tom Jones"
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"squirming under the Tom Jones poster"
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"with my underpants around my ankles."
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"And she didn't say a word."
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"She just went in my room and took all my posters."
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"Tug McGraw."
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"Mike Schmidt."
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"Kermit."
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"Gunther Gebel-Williams!"
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"Sex makes the people go away!"
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"I'm going to go see what's up with this traffic."
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"Boy, they sure are making a lot of mistakes over there today."
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"Do you really not understand what we're doing?"
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"Adding brick after brick to our friendship castle"
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"so it someday reaches the sky!"
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"With Carvel, Kenneth. We're conning them."
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"I'm ordering messed up cakes and getting them free with my card."
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